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Middle-aged dating
https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1055		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  TheRiov [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:11 am ]
Post subject:  Middle-aged dating
Now I dont claim to be an expert on relationships. I've had maybe 5 relationships after age 18, and only two in the last 13 years, neither of which I would consider to be 'normal' in the way they progressed. I feel like I dont know the rules, or what is expected of me. I am still quite comfortable with the guy invites, guy makes the first move, guy pays for events/dinner etc--that paradigm I'm okay with. Is that still the norm? What do women expect on a date? Or what is acceptable? How slow is too slow to move?


In an effort to ease the panic attacks I've been going through (not to mention lots and lots of tears) Is threw myself out on a couple of dating sites. (I'm never going to meet someone randomly; I'm still hoping against hope that the woman I love will come back, but aside from one 60 second phonecall I've heard nothing from her in a month)

I have been talking on the phone with two different women, and seemed to hit it off with both of them, though they're a good distance away (one lives 1 hour away, the other 2.5 hours away)

Last night I went out with one of them, dinner, a very cold walk in a park, coffee, bookstore, little more walking, 30 minute conversation in the car, brief but memorable good night kiss. (and it wasn't the instant magic I had with Dee) It lasted about 4 hours, and I was asked for a second date.

I'm still not sure what the hell I'm doing. I genuinly like this woman, and want to see her again, but my heart is still with someone else ( I still believe that Dee is supposed to be my one true love).

I also don't understand how a beautiful, down to earth, 5'11" yoga instructor/Massage therapist is single and more than willing to go out on a date with *ME*
Author:  FarSky [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
These are likely to be considered platitudes, easier said than done, but I say them anyway:

First off, congrats!

Secondly, let go.

Thirdly, don't trip yourself up. To quote **** My Dad Says, "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
Author:  DFK! [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
There's no such thing as "leagues," it's a myth we've made up to defeat ourselves.
Author:  Screeling [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Middle-aged dating
TheRiov wrote:
I also don't understand how a beautiful, down to earth, 5'11" yoga instructor/Massage therapist is single and more than willing to go out on a date with *ME*

She may be single for reasons that are nothing wrong with her. Why she dates you, well, that definitely is her problem. :)

Seriously though, if you don't feel over that other chick, perhaps you should take a small break from dating. If you feel temporarily unavailable to new-girl, you should probably be up front about that if you continue to see her.
Author:  TheRiov [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
*sigh* I know but its better than panic attacks.
Author:  LadyKate [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Quote:
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.


That one goes both ways...

I have learned the hard way, that it really and truly is best to take 6 months off from dating after having your heart broken and/or leaving a major relationship.
Please, learn from my pain and everyone else who has done the same....take some time off and focus on healing before you jump back into it.
If you don't, you'll bring all that pain into your new relationship. Maybe not at first, but once the initial honeymoon phase wears off, you will have to deal with all that emotional crap from your past broken relationship because you didn't take the time off to learn how to deal with it. Or you will discover negative feelings later that you ignored at first because you used the "high" of your new relationship to cover it up. You have to deal with your grief in order to heal. You have to.

It's gonna hurt. There will be panic attacks. I'm sorry, thats just the way it is.
Find comfort somewhere else: a best friend, spending time with kids, hugging a teddy bear while you cry (Hey, no one but you has to know!), praying/reading your bible, talking to someone from church, counseling, spilling your guts out to your cat or dog....

If you take the right path now, even though it hurts, you will save yourself a lot of grief later. Don't go for the quick fix; there isn't one.

Quote:
Sometimes the only way around a storm is right through it.
Author:  Imperi [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
You might be jumping too fast into dating. This might be the cause of your panic attacks. If I talked to every cute girl I saw, I'd end up in the hospital again. Chill out a bit, take a break.
Author:  Monte [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
DFK! wrote:
There's no such thing as "leagues," it's a myth we've made up to defeat ourselves.


More or less, this. I do think that there are compatibility issues that can include everything from looks to economic situation, but leagues? nah.

Riov - Good for you. You threw yourself out there, and had a great time. Enjoy the casual dating and getting to know you thing. It's really a lot of fun, and you can learn a lot about yourself through someone else.

Be honest, have a good time, be safe, and most of all, be yourself. As for Dee - there *is* no one true love. It's a myth. There isn't this one human being out there for each and every one of us. You can find true love more than once.

When I broke off my engagement, I didn't think I was going to find anyone else. I figured I was perma-single, that I had walked away from the path that included a wife and maybe a family. I was wrong. I found that path again, and with a wonderful, beautiful, caring woman.

But honestly, don't worry about love of your life stuff right now. Just date.
Author:  Lonedar [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Monte wrote:

Be honest, have a good time, be safe, and most of all, be yourself. As for Dee - there *is* no one true love.



I just want to note the juxtaposition of this statement with your avatar.
Author:  Imperi [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree about just having a good time. That's my #1 priority when I go out.
Author:  Hopwin [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
FarSky wrote:
To quote **** My Dad Says, "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

That is the single best piece of advice I have ever read.
Author:  Kirra [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Middle-aged dating
I love this twitter...**** my Dad says. Hilarious! "I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."
Author:  Nevandal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Lonedar wrote:
Monte wrote:

Be honest, have a good time, be safe, and most of all, be yourself. As for Dee - there *is* no one true love.



I just want to note the juxtaposition of this statement with your avatar.



Yes!!
Author:  Monte [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 9:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Lonedar wrote:
Monte wrote:

Be honest, have a good time, be safe, and most of all, be yourself. As for Dee - there *is* no one true love.



I just want to note the juxtaposition of this statement with your avatar.


Pretty sure they would have driven each other crazy eventually. :P
Author:  Squirrel Girl [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 11:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Middle-aged dating
LadyKate gave some wise advice. Take time before even considering anything serious.

The topic name gives me dry amusement. How old are you roughly? I suspect I have a couple decades on you, and consider that middle aged. I am more likely to get struck by lightning than ever get a decent date, much less a serious relationship. Demographics and the fact that the men my age are looking for younger women only. Also, most men look at my profession and education and run the other way. *wry grin*
Author:  Micheal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
What can I say Squirrel Girl, a lot of the guys my (our) age are not thinking very well and just looking for a sex kitten to take care of them in their waning years. A self reliant strong woman who is smarter, earns more, and can tie them into knots can be scary to any who aren't very comfortable with themselves.

However, if you ever get out to the Sacramento area I'd be happy to buy you dinner.
Author:  TheRiov [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
well this one woman is 2 years older than I am, just FYI. And I'm 34.
Author:  Micheal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
34? Middle-aged? I hope to live well past 68, I didn't consider myself middle aged until the mid-40s. At 54 I'm thinking I'm probably a little more than halfway through my life span. My mother expects to see 100 and she doesn't want her kids popping off before she does.
Author:  TheRiov [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think average life expentency for men is ~72. So half of that would be 36. I'm pretty well middle aged =P
Author:  Micheal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
77.7 as of the most recent census, but that is everyone, not just men. Of course that measures the people who are currently dying, the ones who were born around the beginning of the great depression. Nutrition and health care knowledge have come a long way since then.

When my grandparents were born the average life span was 50 years. One grandmother made 89, the other around 60 (never told her age). Grandfathers died at 81 and 50. Pneumonia took all but one of them.

All of my daughter's grandparents made at least 81. Three are still alive.

As a nation, we're living longer and longer. You are active, fit and I know nothing of your bloodline's mortality. If you keep taking care of yourself you could see 100 years. There are major advances in health care still happening, gerontology is by far the fastest growing profession for nurses.

If I were you TheRiov, I'd plan for at least 85 in the retirement phase of your life. Barring cancer and heart disease and accident, you will probably see that.
Author:  Müs [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
www.cougarlife.com

Prolly not ws.

But eh :)
Author:  Micheal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
So, how's that working out for you Müs?
Author:  Imperi [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
34 is not middle aged. 34 year olds can get dates with 20 year olds.
Author:  Müs [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Micheal wrote:
So, how's that working out for you Müs?


Haven't played with it at all.

I do <3 me csome cougars though.
Author:  Micheal [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I bumped into one of my buddies at the local Safeway. He pointed out an 18-year-old (female, not unattractive) grocery bagger who has been hitting on middle-aged guys with nice cars.

His theory is that she's trying to get out of her parents home and find someone to support her in the style she wants to become accustomed to.

He drives a really nice car, and apparently she tried to hit on him. He's seriously married and was probably warning me, not encouraging me. My car is okay, 2005 Corolla, but not in the really nice range he was talking about.

My father's second wife was only 2 years older than me. Older men and younger women has been going on for a long time.
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