The Glade 4.0

So my mom died about two and a half years ago from breast cancer. She hung on for about 4 years. I understand that pretty much the last two years of her life, my step-dad (I call him dad and he helped raise me since I was 9) was in care-giver mode and doing everything he could to keep her happy and as healthy as possible while ignoring his needs to some extent.

My dad was seeing somebody in less than 8 months after she died. At the time, I didn't think I had a problem with it because he had probably started letting go well before my mom died and I figured he was probably ready. He told my voice-mail today that he just bought a house with this woman and is already moved in with her.

For some reason, there's part of me that's pissed about it. I honestly didn't expect him to be celibate. In his shoes, I probably would have moved on in the same amount of time. So logically I get it, but there's just that small feeling there that he's betraying my mom's memory. I'm not sure I want to hang out with him right now because I think I'll feel weird around him. Anybody relate to that?

_________________
The Dude abides.

Yes. Not the death part, for mine it was divorce.

_________________
"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Let it go. He spent four years by her side watching her die by inches. How much truer to a person can you be? He was right there every day. Trust me, I know how tough that can be. She died, he survived, now he has to figure out what to do for the rest of his life. He was true to her to the end, right?

You're not going to like this next part. What you are feeling is pettiness, you're being a little kid about this, and it is because you still are hurting, you still are grieving. Because you haven't healed from it, he can't either. You aren't being fair to him or to yourself. You need to let yourself heal, come to terms with the fact that your mother is gone and you won't be seeing her again this side of the line. You will feel better when you do. Again, trust me on that, well at least after the crying jags stop.

He hasn't healed by the way, he's just trying to move on before it cripples him. I know something about that too.

Let it go and be happy he found someone to share his life with. Be happy for him and maybe you can do some more healing along with it.





Just as a precaution, google her and make sure she isn't wanted in six states for marry, kill and steal.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

This!!!

My mom died of cancer in 1989, after a year of suffering. My dad sold the house and moved. He had a "friend" soon after my mom died, that turned out not to be suitable. I was okay with that, because my dad needed someone...just like you or I would have needed someone. Two years after my mom's death, my dad remarried a different someone. I love her, even though she can piss me off sometimes (see my foul language rant for more on this!) but the main thing is, my dad is happy! Let your dad be happy, and you be happy for him! Your mom is gone, you and your dad aren't! Be there for him and let him be there for you!! For what its worth from a non-believer, may God bless!

_________________
"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

I haven't been in your shoes Screeling but I'm fairly certain that what you are feeling is normal. It's ok to be angry, to feel hurt, and anything else you feel right now.
You may also be worried that since your dad found this new woman he won't want to talk or reminisce(sp) about your mom anymore. Maybe you are afraid he will forget her or that you won't be able to grieve with him or "remember when mom..." anymore.
Have a good cry, visit her gravesite, pray, and then see if you can set some time aside with your dad for just the two of you.
It goes both ways though...set aside a little of your time to be with your dad and his new woman so you can be a part of this new relationship in his life.
Just as its important for you that he be a part of the memory of your mother, its important to him that you accept his new relationship.
*hugs* I'm sorry you lost your mom Screeling.

_________________
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

As long as he is happy and not trying to pick up women just out of prison, be happy for him. Some people just don't do well alone so this may just be him coping with the loss. Be supportive and keep an eye on him.

_________________
Raell Kromwell

I would honestly say that it was probably time for him to move on. Watching someone succumb to cancer is hard on the caregiver.

_________________
Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut