The Glade 4.0
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Work or Family
https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8612		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Lydiaa [ Mon May 21, 2012 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Work or Family
Just wanted some advice from those who’ve been there, I currently have 2 options which I’m tossing up and don’t have much time to make the decision.

On one hand, I am able to start a family fairly soon, with 3 kids, in a stable job which probably won’t move anywhere for the next 10 years.

On the other, I can move into a great position with huge prospects, but will not be able to start a family in the next couple of years. I just turned 30, so the possibility of harder conception must be considered.

I’m torn, cause I kinda want both, and that would be the ideal situation. However I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to balance both >.<
Author:  Corolinth [ Mon May 21, 2012 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Three kids is an oddly specific number. Does your current partner come with rugrats?
Author:  Aizle [ Mon May 21, 2012 6:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why can't you start a family for a few years in the new job?
Author:  Raltar [ Mon May 21, 2012 7:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Work. But, I have no desire to start a family and never will. The very idea is abhorrent to me.
Author:  Rorinthas [ Mon May 21, 2012 7:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Work or Family
Money is a tool, not a goal. Having "the job" doesn't automatically make you happy in my experience.

On the other hand a wise man once told me that if I wanted to do, buy or go anywhere, I should do, buy, or go there now, because it won't happen when you have a family.

He didn't mean it disparagingly; it's just the truth. When your Dad (or mom in your case) your desires go out the window.

So basically. If its about money don't expect money to make to make you happy. If its about wanting to do something for the opportunity do it now.
Author:  Lydiaa [ Mon May 21, 2012 8:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
Corolinth wrote:
Three kids is an oddly specific number. Does your current partner come with rugrats?

Current partner is kids free, but we both agreed that we'd like 3. It's the ideal number but only a plan.

Aizle wrote:
Why can't you start a family for a few years in the new job?

Well I will be able to, but I am well aware of my biological clock. If I want to reach the ideal number, it's realistically around 5 years. Taking into consideration the needed time to establish myself in the new position and putting contingency plans in place, I probably won’t start trying until 2014… by which I’ll be 32.

Rorinthas wrote:
On the other hand a wise man once told me that if I wanted to do, buy or go anywhere, I should do, buy, or go there now, because it won't happen when you have a family.

He didn't mean it disparagingly; it's just the truth. When your Dad (or mom in your case) your desires go out the window.

So basically. If its about money don't expect money to make to make you happy. If its about wanting to do something for the opportunity do it now.


While money doesn’t make me happy, it does make life so much easier. I'm more interested in the growth of the position though, which is directly conflicting to my wanting to start a family. Jet setting around while pregnant would totally suck.
Author:  Tangu Matraa [ Mon May 21, 2012 8:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is not a decision you should be making by yourself. Marriage is a partnership, and family planning is one of the most important aspects of that partnership. Talk it through, at length, with your fiancé and come to the decision that you agree will bf best for your future together.
Author:  Micheal [ Mon May 21, 2012 9:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Family, other opportunities may come along, and even if they don't - well, stability has a certain comfort level.
Author:  Raell [ Mon May 21, 2012 9:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
I had my kids early. They will both be gone by the time I am 50. I will be free to be a bum then.
Author:  Gorse [ Mon May 21, 2012 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
We waited a few years, though we were still young by all standards before we started trying to have children. For whatever reason (although age is a consideration, overall unlikely, we were both healthy with healthy lifestyles) we had trouble having a child. That said, I would not have started trying sooner. I had no desire to bring up a child while I was serving in the military. I wanted to be a part of things and not miss large segements to deployments. My new career (which I had no idea I would be doing when I left the military) allows me to provide for the family (good salary and decent insurance) and I still come home every night.

We enjoyed the times together (without a child) which included some travel and stability while we worked to pay off student loans and other bills. Whatever you have coming in you figure out how to make do. We discussed what and when along the way and made choices together and are happy with out decisions.
Author:  Jasmy [ Tue May 22, 2012 12:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
Lydiaa wrote:
Just wanted some advice from those who’ve been there, I currently have 2 options which I’m tossing up and don’t have much time to make the decision.

On one hand, I am able to start a family fairly soon, with 3 kids, in a stable job which probably won’t move anywhere for the next 10 years.

On the other, I can move into a great position with huge prospects, but will not be able to start a family in the next couple of years. I just turned 30, so the possibility of harder conception must be considered.

I’m torn, cause I kinda want both, and that would be the ideal situation. However I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to balance both >.<


Why is it that you can't move into the "great position with huge prospects" if you start your family now? Women (and men) do that all the time. All you need is a good nanny to take care of your children while you and your husband work.
Author:  Lydiaa [ Tue May 22, 2012 2:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Because it will be a huge learning curve. There is more potential for both to go horribly wrong if I try to do both, than if I did one at a time.
Author:  Hopwin [ Tue May 22, 2012 7:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re:
Lydiaa wrote:
Because it will be a huge learning curve. There is more potential for both to go horribly wrong if I try to do both, than if I did one at a time.

Learning curve on which end of the spectrum? Penis -> Vagina. Unless you meant on the job.
Author:  Foamy [ Tue May 22, 2012 7:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re:
Raell wrote:
I had my kids early. They will both be gone by the time I am 50. I will be free to be a bum then.


Aren't you a bum already? ;)
Author:  Foamy [ Tue May 22, 2012 7:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Lydiaa:

The best advice I could give you is maintain open communication with your partner. Don't hide anything and talk very frankly about what you both want, both in the short term and the long term.

Oonagh and I have a very fluid situation in which we live. I am gaining experience in what I'd like to do to move onto a new, better paying job, but there is a good chance I may become a stay-at-home dad again in the coming months.

Do what is right for you, both of you, to be happy. This starts with communicating what will be important in the coming weeks...months...years.

All the best to you.
Author:  Aizle [ Tue May 22, 2012 8:48 am ]
Post subject: 
I would go with work first in this situation. Waiting a couple years to have kids shouldn't be the end of the world, and it's not like something magical happens at 30 that instantly makes it harder, it's a gradual thing.
Author:  Talya [ Tue May 22, 2012 10:00 am ]
Post subject: 
What is paid-parental leave like in Oz?

In the USA, it barely makes a difference, but in Canada, you almost have to have a year between each pregnancy if you want to keep getting paid while you're off.
Author:  RangerDave [ Tue May 22, 2012 10:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
My advice is to have 2 kids instead of 3 and try to balance it with your career via a combination of parental leave and flex time for both you and your hubby and hiring a nanny to fill the gaps. At least that's the rough plan for my gf/future-wife and me (she's 31 and contemplating making partner in 5-6 years while having kids in the meantime).
Author:  Arathain Kelvar [ Tue May 22, 2012 11:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Just remember, with 2 years spacing, having 3 kids takes a lot of calendar.

For example, if you started right now, and had no problems, you'd have #1 at 31, #2 at 33, and #3 at 35. It generally (as I understand it) takes about 6 months to get pregnant, so it could easily go beyond 35. What age do you envision yourself having your last kid, and what spacing do you want? Do the math.
Author:  Corolinth [ Tue May 22, 2012 11:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
Sure, she could hire some nannies, but that's expensive. Also, Lydiaa's mother is a very traditional Chinese woman. She's madder than hell already for being forced to wait this long for grandchildren. She'd probably kill Lydiaa if her grandchildren were raised by nannies.

I didn't answer the poll, because I can't. I'm not inside your head. I don't know whether or not you really want kids. Right now, you're looking at maybe wanting some kids and needing to do it before you get to old, but then there's this career and...

Yeah, that's not really helping. Do you want kids? Yes, the clock is ticking. Do you want them? It sounds as though you're in a position to support them, so now the only question is wanting them.
Author:  Diamondeye [ Tue May 22, 2012 4:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
I don't think the Glade is the place you want to be going for advice on this topic, so the only thing I'd say is, consider how old you want to be when the kids are graduation, and how old you'll be when they have their own kids.
Author:  Lydiaa [ Tue May 22, 2012 6:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Work or Family
The glades always full of wisdom, even if it’s not always what people intends.

On the partner side, he’s very supportive either way. He would be happy to be a stay at home dad if the need came, but he’s a gamer, so I suspect there is a little bit of that too haha~

Do I want kids? Of course! Am I scared about having them? Totally, but then the unknown is always scary.

I had a second offer from the job today, and I am ashamed to say that I’ll be taking it. There is usually a number which makes you a fool to turn down and they kinda smashed that number.

It is very similar between here and Canada Talya, where you have to work for a further 12 month to ensure a fully paid maternity leave. However as pregnancy takes around 9 month, it’s usually not too hard to achieve, provided you work close to birth.

Thank you as always for all the advice, it’s actually quite hard for a girl to put family first if she also wants a career. I’m finding that balance harder and harder the higher I go >.< I really should change my sig to “Growing up sux”
Author:  Lydiaa [ Tue May 22, 2012 6:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Hopwin wrote:
Lydiaa wrote:
Because it will be a huge learning curve. There is more potential for both to go horribly wrong if I try to do both, than if I did one at a time.

Learning curve on which end of the spectrum? Penis -> Vagina. Unless you meant on the job.


They do say practice makes perfect :thumbs:
Author:  Raell [ Tue May 22, 2012 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Foamy wrote:
Raell wrote:
I had my kids early. They will both be gone by the time I am 50. I will be free to be a bum then.


Aren't you a bum already? ;)



Naaa, I still go to work every freaking day. One day I will be free, to pick up my walking stick and just go. I will start killing time the way I want, until time kills me.
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