The Glade 4.0
https://gladerebooted.net/

Etiquette Question
https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8938		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  LadyKate [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 1:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Etiquette Question
Yes, I'm asking an etiquette question on the Glade, lol. ;)

Baby showers are traditionally held for the first baby only, but so much has changed....we had a baby shower for Jimmy but after he passed away, we donated everything we had received (and bought) to our church.
We did not have showers for the other two babies and either donated or sold anything that we had purchased for them during the pregnancies.

I don't want to speak too soon, but since we had a cerclage and close monitoring with this one, we are almost at the 6 month mark and everything is looking good....we have purchased the nursery furniture and have a carseat and some clothes and a few diapers but feeling a little overwhelmed at how much left there is that we will need.

My best friend wants to throw me a baby shower but I told her to wait because I feel like it's inappropriate to have another one (even though it is 3 years later and the baby passed away and we donated everything) and might come across as greedy or like we don't deserve to ask for anything this time around?
On the other hand, I've had several friends tell me that I am being silly and everyone would love to throw this baby a shower, especially after our losses.

I dunno. :/ What should I do?

What do you think? I promise not to be offended, I just don't really have any etiquette guidelines to follow for this one.

**EDIT***

I thought about a "meet the baby" party after she is born, but with colds/flu/RSV/etc being so high at the end of November/beginning of Dec when she is due, that's not really an option. :/
Author:  Rynar [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 1:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Have a 6 month "birthday" party, and treat it as you normally would a shower. The people you invite will undoubtably understand your situation. My own mother did something similar. Best of luck to you.
Author:  Micheal [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Let your friends throw you a party. Just go and be grateful you have good friends and a reason to celebrate.
Author:  Foamy [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
This has always been a touchy subject for me. I'll comment further when I am on my computer and not posting from my iPad.

For now I'll say simply this. If your friends/family want to coordinate/plan/throw the shower, then by all means, let them.
Author:  Raell [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've never heard that before. Up here, women have showers for every child.
Author:  LadyKate [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Raell wrote:
I've never heard that before. Up here, women have showers for every child.


I guess it depends on where you are, but for most people I have been around, you get one shower and that's it.
Author:  FarSky [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Etiquette Question
I have nothing to add other than I thought it was for every kid too. *shrug*
Author:  FarSky [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Etiquette Question
I take it back; I have one thing to add:

If people want to do something nice for you, let them. Trust me, I know it's a hard thing to do; I've struggled with being the beneficiary of things myself. What I finally realized was that in fighting them, you're selfishly depriving them of something they want to do, just to make yourself feel better.

I completely get the desire to not feel like a drain on others, but if they're instigating it, it means they want to do it. Let them.
Author:  Diamondeye [ Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Etiquette Question
As a general rule, not just for baby showers, it's good to let people do nice things for you. This is because eventually you will want to do nice things for them. Then, when you want to do something nice, they will not feel uncomfortable about accepting.

There is an unfortunate habit that we often learn as kids to reject any special attention out of modesty, avoidance of greed, and other basically positive unselfish things we are taught. The problem is that while it's better to give than to receive, it's also better for everyone else to give than to receive, so sometimes we have to receive in order to let them have their turn giving.

In this way, everyone gets to do good to others, and in the process, no one is a martyr, no one gets their feelings hurt, no one gets burned out, etc.
Author:  Rynar [ Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Etiquette Question
Diamondeye wrote:
As a general rule, not just for baby showers, it's good to let people do nice things for you. This is because eventually you will want to do nice things for them. Then, when you want to do something nice, they will not feel uncomfortable about accepting.

There is an unfortunate habit that we often learn as kids to reject any special attention out of modesty, avoidance of greed, and other basically positive unselfish things we are taught. The problem is that while it's better to give than to receive, it's also better for everyone else to give than to receive, so sometimes we have to receive in order to let them have their turn giving.

In this way, everyone gets to do good to others, and in the process, no one is a martyr, no one gets their feelings hurt, no one gets burned out, etc.

This is not a dumb thing to say.
Author:  Arathain Kelvar [ Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Just tell her your concerns, and ask that she keep it laid back.

Just got back from a friend's third wedding. There was a little bit of grumbling, but for the most part everyone was happy and having fun. A third wedding is waaaay more annoying (especially for the wedding party) than your situation, so I wouldn't worry about it.
Author:  LadyKate [ Sun Aug 05, 2012 3:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks, guys, that helps.
...And I've only had one wedding, ever, and I intend to keep it that way. ;)
I guess maybe I have a baby shower to look forward to soon...yeek! :D
Author:  Oonagh [ Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Etiquette Question
I only got one baby shower. I know everyone is posting that you get one for each child but in the northeast we don't do that. However, LK I think you have nothing to be really concerned about because your circumstances have been very different and difficult. People who throw you a shower are the people doing it for you because they care about you and you deserve it. I wouldn't think much about it because the people who will be coming will be very happy for you. GL with everything.
Author:  LadyKate [ Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Thank you, Oonagh. :neko:
Author:  Taamar [ Sat Aug 11, 2012 1:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Late to the thread...

Since it's inappropriate for the expecting parents or any relatives to host a baby shower it's not up to them whether one is held. If your friend chooses to have one for you you say "Oh, thank you so much. It wasn't expecting another shower, but it's SUCH a relief!" Your friends want to celebrate you and the baby. Let them.
Author:  darksiege [ Sun Aug 12, 2012 1:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Taamar wrote:
Late to the thread...

Since it's inappropriate for the expecting parents or any relatives to host a baby shower it's not up to them whether one is held. If your friend chooses to have one for you you say "Oh, thank you so much. It wasn't expecting another shower, but it's SUCH a relief!" Your friends want to celebrate you and the baby. Let them.


I think this is best, when I lived in RI I only heard of a shower for the first, but then out here in Vegas it seems to be one for each. I would go with the above response.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
https://www.phpbb.com/