Spider-infested ship turned away from port
Thousands spill out as cargo is unloaded; vessel last docked in South Korea

HAGATNA, Guam — Authorities in the U.S. territory of Guam have turned away a ship after thousands of spiders overflowed from its cargo.

The Guam Department of Agriculture says hundreds of large spiders and thousands of smaller ones were seen when stevedores began offloading insulation and beams for housing units from the ship, the M.V. Altavia.

The cargo was returned to the ship, and the Agriculture Department on Friday ordered that the ship not be allowed to dock. It was last ported in South Korea.

Agriculture officials say they don't know what type of spiders were on the ship, but said it's a type that isn't normally found on the island. They said there was concern the spiders could damage Guam's environment.

The ship was carrying housing units and accessories for a work force village expected to house up to 18,000 temporary workers.

I would like to propose an indefinite moratorium on any proposed scenarios where spiderlings burst from people's ears.

I would like to propose an indefinite moratorium on any proposed scenarios where spiderlings burst from people's ears.

I kill spiders in the most spectacular method I happen to have on hand at the moment of any given encounter.

I have stabbed a spider with a rapier. I have cut a spider in half with a blade. I have breathed fire on a spider. I have killed a spider with a thrown shuriken. My roomate and I endured a summer of spider infestation at our apartment complex by inventing our own suped-up Nerf gun spider hunting drinking game (which, by the way, was responsible for the shuriken kill).

Yes, these were big, hairy ****. But the little ones die just as harshly. **** those **** spiders right in their dozens of evil, spider eyes.

My most recent kill was a stick and boot combination on my way to fighter practice this evening. The soul sucking little bastard had made a home in my rear view mirror. I lamented a less practical kill, but the classics never get old.

I'm only KOS to black widows and brown recluses. Other spiders are fine. They stay out of my way and out of my stuff and they can occupy whatever corner they want. I think of them as pest control.

^^
This.

Pholcus phalangioides (Pholcidae) is the long-bodied cellar spider. These docile and harmless spiders occur both inside and outside of buildings, but are especially common in basements and corners. I find them on the ceiling corners in my house, and less often, near the floor, close to Steatoda triangulosa. P. phalangioides hang upside-down in their cobweb-like webs and vibrate when disturbed. They are welcomed residents that feed on insects and use their long legs to wrap prey with speed and precision. These helpful housemates can be a bit untidy at times, but their webs can be gently swept or dusted to remove insect debris. The spiders will build new webs shortly. To avoid vacuuming these beneficial spiders, sweep rather than vacuum the webs. Females are 7 to 8 mm, males are 5 to 6 mm, and legspans are 35 to 50 mm.

^^
This.