ROFL!!!
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| Why can't I own a Canadian? https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=3676 |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Why can't I own a Canadian? |
http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#!/note ... =624841870 Why can't I own a Canadian? In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them. 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan. James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian) ------------------- 3) I find the week before to be much more dangerous, but who am I to question God. 4) I just burn small parts of the bull, and my neighbors don't complain, usually they start burning their own. 7) No more altar approaching for me. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
ROFL!!!
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| Author: | Aethien [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Fantastic, well played. |
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| Author: | Ladas [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
That's funny, but are the 3 "responses" at the end of your post from the Laura person, or your comment? |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
My comments, sorry for any confusion. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Micheal wrote: My comments, sorry for any confusion. You are right on with #3! It is most definitely the week before that is dangerous, not the week of!! |
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| Author: | Arathain Kelvar [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 5:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Should I smite them? LOL |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I was with him up to the part where I found out he was a professor at UVA. Bastard. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Mon Aug 02, 2010 7:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Lol that was awesome! |
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| Author: | Monte [ Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
who do I need to sleep with to imbed YouTube? The link above is a classic scene from the West Wing that appears to be the source of a couple of the lines above. It's also funny. |
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| Author: | darksiege [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 12:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Monte wrote: who do I need to sleep with to imbed YouTube? The link above is a classic scene from the West Wing that appears to be the source of a couple of the lines above. It's also funny. The line of who to sleep with starts over to the left. |
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| Author: | Dash [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Monte wrote: It's the yt button up top next to strike. Mouse over and it shows you the format. |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
yt has not worked in preview for me, where youtube did. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
TheRiov wrote: yt has not worked in preview for me, where youtube did. You copy and paste the whole url now. |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
[youtube]nhGk6eF65Fo[/youtube] Code: [youtube]nhGk6eF65Fo[/youtube] Code: [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhGk6eF65Fo[/yt] Looks like both work, but syntax is different for each. |
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| Author: | Mookhow [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
The yt tag was added because people wanted to just paste the entire url instead of picking out the video id. I added a second tag because I didn't want to break all the old posts that embedded youtube. I also didn't want to go through all the old posts and fix them. =P The youtube tag is deprecated, so you should use yt from now on. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thank you Mookhow! 
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 8:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Wait... we can still eat Canadians right? |
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| Author: | Jasmy [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I own a Canadian? |
I know I can!! 
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| Author: | Midgen [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:31 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Canadians get owned on this forum on a regular basis... /rimshot |
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| Author: | Wwen [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Canucks are made of bacon and have flappy heads. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:55 am ] |
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Poke them and they bleed maple syrup. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:36 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Wwen wrote: Canucks are made of bacon and have flappy heads. + Micheal wrote: Poke them and they bleed maple syrup. = Perfect breakfast! |
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| Author: | Ranelagh [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:16 pm ] |
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Apparently it is legal to kill a Welshman in England, but only on a Friday. |
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| Author: | darksiege [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Ranelagh wrote: Apparently it is legal to kill a Welshman in England, but only on a Friday. That is only because they shot an arrow at you on Monday from halfway across the planet, and it should hit you on Thursday... so by Friday they obviously missed, meaning they are now free game. |
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