A not inaccurate summary
No, I don't watch it. I sit there in my chair and play EVE or ESO while my wife watches it. However, that means I get running commentary on it. Also, I did watch the episode a season or two ago where Jimmy Kimmel was the guest host, which was pretty funny, and would have been better with more Kimmel and less of the standard program.
So, the latest season premiered last night - I don't know what season they're on but it's a lot of them. I tried to pay as little attention as possible, but my wife's constant pointing out the latest silliness means I probably saw close to half of it, between getting my *** repeatedly kicked trying to do Imperial City Prison which is an absolute **** of an instance, especially for a stamina DPS character.
Now, I've been through the running commentary before, and I've noticed over the last couple years that the contestants have gone from a uniformly dignified entry where they try really hard to pretend they aren't seriously attempting to develop a romantic relationship by competing against 2 dozen other people on national television to a mix of the faux dignity with the clearly tongue-in-cheek entry and the even more obvious YOLO-style arrivals.
Hence the reference to Brett Farve. The show, much like Farve was, is showing its age - how many times can you really run the same reality show over and over again, particularly when (like Farve) it's trying really hard to pretend it's NOT aging by fielding competitors that mysteriously don't seem to be aware of the show's history, or even of the fact that they're on a show, and express surprise at the bad behavior of the other contestants, worrying about respect and such as if the entire point of the show wasn't to get the bachelorette (on this iteration) to eliminate everyone else.
It's not just the contestants, either; the show itself tries to do this - which is made even more awkward by the bringing-on of various past personalities (my wife points them out and asks if I remember them; her success rate at remembering them is 100%; to me they literally all look the same except for the guy they had on one year who was a farmer - I now remember him because he appeared on a pro-corn-subsidy ad in Iowa just prior to the caucuses there) - but then portraying the candidates, universally good-looking young men (with alarmingly similar haircuts) as lonely, wistful guys staring off across <insert favorite landscape here> hoping for love.
Although insulting to one's intelligence, this is actually kid of funny, until of course they trot out the contestants who have been in the military. At this point it becomes an agonizing display of every horrible "wholesome American hero" stereotype you've ever seen. It was bad enough last season when it was girls and there was just one, but there's two this season, both appallingly referred to as "war veteran" as their job. Not "military" or the name of their service, or their rank, but "war veteran". Complete with kneeling over the graves of fallen comrades, because that's what us war veterans do when we're bored, or want to pick up chicks on national television.
Which leads me to another thing I noticed in having my attention called to each of these lunatics as they got out of their limo - around half had a job that sounded suspiciously like "unemployed" - "war veteran" was kind of obvious in that regard because while it calls attention to past service, there is a painfully obvious failure to reference what they are actually doing with themselves now.
There were a couple that were even more obvious, however, such as the one that was listed as a "hipster". Hipsters are bad enough, but this one apparently does it professionally - and not even that well; I wouldn't have pegged him as an obvious "hipster" just looking at him. I am curious to know what kind of money hipsters make on the professional circuit. Also, my wife did not know what a "hipster" is and I was forced to explain it between wipes to the final boss of the aforementioned instance.
But even better than that was the guy who had his job listed as "Canadian". Yes, evidently he's a professional Canadian. Taly, I really hope you're reading this and can provide some explanation; the only thing I could figure was that Canadian social welfare is far more generous than I had imagined. Also, kindly provide a link to Canadian immigration services; I feel I'm well-qualified for any openings at the job. The Canadian also eventually ended up drunk and almost naked; for some reason running around in his exceedingly skimpy underwear.
There was another that listed himself as a "Bachelorette super-fan". I take it this means he is a male that actually watches the show in earnest. Also, that he is unemployed.
Even among the contestants with actual jobs, though, weirdness abounded. There was actually another Canadian as well, who had an actual job listed. This gentleman, however, showed up in a Scottish kilt. I would have thought this only mildly eccentric, except that he appeared to be Asian, and later identified himself as being of Chinese ancestry. I don't know if he affirmed any Scottish ancestry or not, but either way I was confronted with a Chinese-Scottish Canadian in a kilt, who claimed to be wearing it "regimental style." Thankfully we were spared visual confirmation.
But even better than him was the guy that arrived dressed as Santa Claus. That's pretty much it. He stayed dressed as Santa for the duration. He was, being a Bachelorette contestant, noticeably lacking Santa's signature midsection. I wondered why he did this, but it was eventually revealed - the Bachelorette herself was unable to resist sitting on his lap. Should have seen that coming a mile away, I guess.
Also, the German Shepherd puppy we have stayed at my wife's feet the entire time, and seemed like she was paying attention to the show while chewing the old t-shirt we tied in knots for her. I've long understood my wife watches this show because it (justifiably) makes her feel smarter than everyone on it - no matter how smart and successful they appear, they're still the sort of person that thinks its a good idea to look for a romantic match by competing for it on national television.
It did not, however, occur to me that it might have the same effect on a dog. I'm pretty sure that Valkyrie now is confident in her assumption that she's actually smarter than most 2-leggers. Our Golden Retriever we used to have in Ohio never seemed to care, but he was a male, and the Bachelorette is definitely a girl thing, the occasional "super fan" notwithstanding.
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