The Glade 4.0

I don't really know how to feel about this.

As a bit of background, growing up my uncle David was my favorite uncle (of two on my dad's side, and 6 on my mom's). He was great with us when we were kids. But later in life that love for my uncle turned closer, though not entirely, to hate. Late in my highschool years, and into college, my uncle became more and more paranoid and argumentative. He ruined so many holidays by arguing about how my Dad was going to steal his inheritance. Any time my grandfather sold any cattle, my uncle would throw a fit saying that they were selling his cattle, and would blame my dad.

I spent several summers during highschool at my grandparents. My uncle was all the time blaming my grandfather (who was in his late 90s at that point, for everything wrong in his life. He essentially lived off my grandparents, as he had ran the world famous bird dog training business my grandfather gave him (after he retired) into the ground, and then didn't really get another job. He was the expert at playing the guilt card, and while my grandmother was alive he milked it for all it was worth. When he was a kid he was hit in the head with a baseball, and had periodic seizures for much of his childhood. The seizures eventually went away, but my grandmother babied him his entire life because if them.

Since my grandfather died 7 years ago (at 102) I have seen my uncle exactly once, at my sister's wedding a couple years ago. He was a shell of a person. He sat in his chair completely zoned out. He was nearly incoherant when I talked to him. And he seemed so old. My father is a few years younger than my uncle, and most people that know my dad would be shocked to find out he is in his late 60s. Most people who saw my uncle would have pegged him in his 80s. He was a sad shell of a man, and that somewhat tempered my dislike for him.

But now as he is on what will likely be his death bed, I am left wondering what exactly I'm supposed to feel.

Relief. Sometimes certain pains and traumas simply eat away at a person until they die long before their body. Feel relief and take the opportunity to mourn what appears to have been the slow death of a man you once cherished as a friend and family member.

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You aren't "supposed" to feel any certain way...whatever you are feeling is probably right for you.
That aside, from personal experience, Khross is pretty accurate there.

I hope you resolve your feelings, Aegnor, whatever they are. And warm thoughts your way if your feelings turn into anything painful.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

/third Khross

Understand, from your description your uncle was probably mentally ill. Without a diagnosis of that, and appropriate treatment, he was never going to get better. Paranoia is insidious, and frequently masks itself as other problems, including addiction.

The seriously mentally ill among us tend to die 15-25 years before their relatively normal counterparts. What you are saying fits in quite well with that rule of thumb. He has worried himself to an early grave.

Now for the warning. It runs in your family, you are more likely than the average Joe to develop problems yourself later. Forewarned is forearmed. Should you ever catch yourself starting to sound paranoid, if someone else says you're sounding paranoid, help is a phone call away. Insert any other common mental health issue in place of paranoid and repeat as often as necessary.

Michael's Mantra: Go get some counseling.

In this case, go get it to deal with your grief of your once favorite uncle's slow slide into his own private hell.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

So he passed away yesterday. Born on Christmas, passed away on Thanksgiving.

Write down a couple stories you remember from when he was your favorite uncle and good friend. Remember the joy.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Sorry, Aegnor.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

My condolences Aegnor.

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"