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| Gahh! I hate these damn head games! https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1098 |
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| Author: | Sasandra [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Gahh! I hate these damn head games! |
Ok, so I don't know if any of you remember or not but about 2 1/2 years ago I met this woman who I had a crush on and ended up becoming friends with who knew I liked and who flirted with me and clearly acted like she was interested in me but never wanted to date me. Well anyways fast forward things kept going along those same lines and her flirting increased and the way she acted around me cleary showed interest, I mean to the point that my best friend (who's also her highschool friend) asked on several occations if we were dating because of the way we both acted together. One time when her girlfriend at the time was there as we were leaving the dance we were at it as raining slight and I had an umbrella and as we walked to the cars she was under my umbrella with her arm around me and her hand in my pocket as he girlfriend was standing a few feet away. Also 1 glass of wine and she would be trying to kiss me and ask me why we never dated cause we would be great together (her words not mine) and even one time we went to maine together overight just the two of us when we were laying in our seperate beds she got out of her bed and climbed onto mine over me and and me and just stayed there for like a min looking down at me, didn't say anything, then got off and went to the bathroom and back to her bed, of course any of those times I didn't do anything cause I wasn't going to take advantage her when she was drunk cause I care to much about her to do that. So anyways finally back in the end of May I got to the point where I couldn't deal with it anymore, I had fallen completely in love with her but despite the way she acted towards me she still didn't want to date so I pulled away and stopped contacting her and only replying to anything messages she sent with a simple answer to whatever she was asking trying not to get a conversation going. Now that went on for 3 months where I hardly talked to her and didn't hang out with her, then all of a suddent she started back up text me non stop, apparently she thought I was mad at her so just gave me space, but that wasn't the issue so finally ended up writing a long email to her telling her my feelings completely and that I just couldn't keep doing this and couldn't see, talk, text, email or anything with her anymore, and she said she would respect my wishes and not contact me again, so that's the end of it, right? sadly nope, I wish. Since then at least once a month she still text me to say she hopes i'm doing well, etc, then this thanksgiving she sends me a text saying she hopes I have a wonderfull thanksgiving full of bessings, Love XOXO, now it wouldn't have been so bad if that was just a mass text she sent out to all her friends, but nope, that was just to me, my best friend, her highschool friend, she never even sent her a text at all on thanksgiving. I seriously don't know what to do anymore at this point, these head games of her and putting me into the worst state of depression i've ever been in, I wish she would just figure out what she wants or leave me alone like I asked her too :/ |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
maybe she is signalling she wants to date now? |
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| Author: | Lenas [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I don't see how you're confused? The woman is interested in you. Tell her you want to be in a relationship. |
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| Author: | Sasandra [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: maybe she is signalling she wants to date now? Except it's just more of what she's been doing for the past 2 1/2 years, and she knows my feelings for her so I would think if she wanted to date she would just ask me out. Quote: I don't see how you're confused? The woman is interested in you. Tell her you want to be in a relationship. She already knows I want to be in a relationship with her though, she's know for 2 1/2 years. |
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| Author: | Lonedar [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I think she got drunk so you could take advantage of her. An ice breaker, so to speak. |
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| Author: | Müs [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
She likes you. Maybe she's scared of "**** up a good thing". You should have taken advantage of her :p |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Lonedar wrote: I think she got drunk so you could take advantage of her. An ice breaker, so to speak. *ding* |
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| Author: | Lenas [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'd have to agree. Also, you aren't taking advantage of someone when they crawl into your bed. She got drunk in an attempt to take advantage of you. |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
sometimes people want to be asked. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Call her and ask her out. Heck, send me her number and I'll call her and ask her to meet you somewhere. This has been going on too long Sassy. Practically, you're not going to get any more miserable over this. Call her up and ask her for a date, a real date. Plain and simple, its not dinner, its not friends getting together, its a date, and if she gets drunk again, be gentle, but play it through. Time to put up or shut up. Assume she is still interested in you and the two of you have been dancing for so long you haven't noticed the band has packed up and gone home. You can't both be the one to ask the other out. |
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| Author: | Foamy [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Gahh! I hade these damn head games! |
Ditto on what everyone else said. Worst that could happen is she says no and you can then move on. You'll never know if you don't ask. |
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| Author: | Sasandra [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Lonedar wrote: I think she got drunk so you could take advantage of her. An ice breaker, so to speak. Nah, she knows me well enough (better than most anyone else really cause we were very close) to know I wouldn't ever take advantage of her so I wouldn't think she would have expected me to. Lenas wrote: I'd have to agree. Also, you aren't taking advantage of someone when they crawl into your bed. She got drunk in an attempt to take advantage of you. Well if she tried to take advantage of me there wouldn't have been a problem then, though I do question what would have happened and where things would be now if I had done anything then. I just don't know if I could ask her out now, I mean it's not like she hasn't known I have feelings for her and she's more of the agressor when it comes to dating so I would think if she wanted to date me she would have asked me already. Though I do think she's afraid of commitment, I mean she always says she wants someone who would commit but since i've know her every single woman she's dated had commitment issues(either currently married women or ones that told her flat out they don't want a commitment) and basically everyone but her knew the relationship was doomed from the start. |
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| Author: | Müs [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Though I do think she's afraid of commitment, I mean she always says she wants someone who would commit but since i've know her every single woman she's dated had commitment issues(either currently married women or ones that told her flat out they don't want a commitment) and basically everyone but her knew the relationship was doomed from the start. She knew that the relationships were doomed as well. That's probably why she was in them. If she's truly commitment-phobic... that's prolly the explanation. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
She's still waiting for you to ask her out. She appears to be is afraid of commitment - her choice of partners would indicate that. Her behavior towards you shows she does have feelings for you. I really enjoyed Boston and meeting you. do I have to physically be there to push you into her arms? Take a shot Sassy, what do you have to lose? If she says no, you're where you are now. |
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| Author: | Aizle [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Michael is wise. Ask her point blank for a date. And make sure you kiss her if you get one, even if it's just a kiss goodnight. The results of that conversation or date should let you know what your next course of action will be. |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
i think you're rationalalizing excuses to chicken out and not ask her out again for fear of rejection. |
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| Author: | Sasandra [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Micheal wrote: Take a shot Sassy, what do you have to lose? If she says no, you're where you are now. physically, no, emotionally though actually getting rejected by the only person i've ever been in love with I would be in a much much worse place. TheRiov wrote: i think you're rationalalizing excuses to chicken out and not ask her out again for fear of rejection. Yeah, probably since I don't have any self confidence when it comes to dating, but I just have a hard time thinking she would say yes because she knows my feelings for her already, if someone confessed their feelings for me and it was someone I liked I would ask them out, I certainly wouldn't wait over 2 years to see if they would ask me out. |
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| Author: | Müs [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Re: |
Sasandra wrote: Micheal wrote: Take a shot Sassy, what do you have to lose? If she says no, you're where you are now. physically, no, emotionally though actually getting rejected by the only person i've ever been in love with I would be in a much much worse place. TheRiov wrote: i think you're rationalalizing excuses to chicken out and not ask her out again for fear of rejection. Yeah, probably since I don't have any self confidence when it comes to dating, but I just have a hard time thinking she would say yes because she knows my feelings for her already, if someone confessed their feelings for me and it was someone I liked I would ask them out, I certainly wouldn't wait over 2 years to see if they would ask me out. But you're not her. You're not the one that's afraid of commitment. :p Take a shot, Be Agressive B-E-Aggressive! Goooooo Sassy!!!! |
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| Author: | TheRiov [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've come to realize recently that I let my own insecurities drive me to not take risks, and not take chances. That fear of rejection has been something that has held me back for a very long time. But I should listen to my instincts. And so should you. If you THINK they're attracted to you then do something about it. It might be a mistake, it might hurt, and you might be hurt down the road, but you wont know until you try. The cat is alive more often than not. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Great Schroedinger reference TheRiov. Kudos. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
TheRiov wrote: I've come to realize recently that I let my own insecurities drive me to not take risks, and not take chances. That fear of rejection has been something that has held me back for a very long time. I hear that, I am tempted to try taking Zoloft because it apparently boosts self-confidence and raises rejection tolerance as a side-effect. I just worry about what impact it would have on my emotions. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've never taken Zoloft. My wife took it (almost 19 years ago) after being hit hard with post partum. She had all the emotional content of a zombie going through their daily search for brains. It was so different from how she usually was it was scary. She also had no interest in art or music during that time - that was very unlike her. YMMV - just make sure you're working with a competent doctor when trying out the psych meds. |
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| Author: | Aizle [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Re: |
Sasandra wrote: Yeah, probably since I don't have any self confidence when it comes to dating, but I just have a hard time thinking she would say yes because she knows my feelings for her already, if someone confessed their feelings for me and it was someone I liked I would ask them out, I certainly wouldn't wait over 2 years to see if they would ask me out. Today is a new day. The past is irrelevant, other than as a learning experience, put it where it belongs: in the past. Or to use the gaming vernacular... Less QQ more Pew Pew |
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| Author: | Imperi [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
TheRiov wrote: I've come to realize recently that I let my own insecurities drive me to not take risks, and not take chances. That fear of rejection has been something that has held me back for a very long time. But I should listen to my instincts. And so should you. If you THINK they're attracted to you then do something about it. It might be a mistake, it might hurt, and you might be hurt down the road, but you wont know until you try. The cat is alive more often than not. That's like being a newb at racquetball and saying "I KNOW I should take those risky corner shots!". You're still a newb regardless. The only way to get better at this stuff is do lots of research and go out nearly every day with the purpose of interacting with women. Like practicing a sport, most of your faults magically auto-correct if you go out a lot. You make lots of mistakes in the process. It takes 2 or 3 years to get good at a sport. Same thing with the opposite sex. |
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| Author: | Imperi [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Re: |
Hopwin wrote: TheRiov wrote: I've come to realize recently that I let my own insecurities drive me to not take risks, and not take chances. That fear of rejection has been something that has held me back for a very long time. I hear that, I am tempted to try taking Zoloft because it apparently boosts self-confidence and raises rejection tolerance as a side-effect. I just worry about what impact it would have on my emotions. The key is to minimize the severity of the rejection. If you say hi to a girl and she smiles and walks away, that is rejection. However it isn't a deep harmful rejection that will emotionally cripple you. You need to take your rejection in many small doses until you build up your tolerance to try riskier actions. It's called progressive desensitization. You don't need medication for this. If I could, I would ask for a phone number every time because it's funny. But I can't handle that amount of rejection. It would make me feel really bad. So I only ask for phone numbers when it seems right. |
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