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When I find the guy . . . https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2596 |
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Author: | Micheal [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:00 am ] |
Post subject: | When I find the guy . . . |
that cursed me with an interesting life . . . Shortly after most offices opened on the west coast this morning I got a call. "Hello, I'm looking for Kevin, uhm," then she bobbled my last name. I identified myself prepared to tell her I wasn't interested, when she asked if I was related to, then she named my brother. Not sure where to go from there, and not having heard from him in a couple months I said I was. She then asked me if he was competent. "Uhm, err, uhh, what do you mean?" "Can he make decisions for himself?" "Bad ones usually, but yes." "Oh, uhm, are you his next of kin?" "Depends on how you define it, he has two ex-wives who most likely don't count, an 18 year old daughter in her second semester of college, our mother, and a few other siblings. Is he okay." silence. "Is he alive?" "Oh yes, he is alive. He's just kind of confused." We then had a long talk about what that meant. He is in the hospital, he isn't coherent. He's having a hard time answering basic questions. ****. I get his room number, call mom and let her know there is a problem and I'll get back to her later, but have all his ID paperwork handy for later. I go down to the hospital, find my brother, he's down at least 20 pounds, but all the body parts are there. I do a long series of questions, he can't answer most of them. I ask him if he knows where he is. "The Hospital" Which hospital? "I don't know?" I tell him where he is "Okay" Then I ask again, "I don't know." I repeat this with a lot of other questions, give him the answer then ask him the question. He has no short term memory. I go out and ask the nurse what kind of meds he is on. "an anti-convulsant, he's had the DTs and he's just gotten well enough we could take the restraints off. Then all of the sudden the HIPPA road block goes up. Getting any of the information starts to be like pulling teeth. I leave, not answering a lot of questions they were asking when they refused to answer my questions. He wasn't going anywhere. I go over to his house. Filthy, moldy stuff in the kitchen, empty vodka bottles. No empty beer bottles, he's a huge beer drinker, only touches the hard stuff during fits of depression. I go talk to the next door neighbor, yeah, he's been trying to get my brother to cut down on the vodka, go back to the beer. He tells me my brother has been going through Vodka like water. He knows getting the idiot to stop drinking completely is beyond his ability, so he offers beer as a medium point. He means well, he just isn't any good at talking my brother out of doing what he wants to do. I pick up a couple bills I'll probably end up paying anyway and go looking for his old beat up Mercedes, he told me he had hit a curb near where he lives and asked me to get the neighbor to bring it back to his place. This turns out to be a fruitless task, I don't find out why until later. I went back to the Hospital and finally find a cooperative nurse who will give me some information, Yes, he's been here since Sunday, he was brought in as the result of a 911 call, police sent him here in an ambulance. It all starts to click. The man with no income had bought a car, driven drunk, crashed the car, received his sixth or seventh DUI and gone to the hospital. I go back to his room and talk to him, still no short term memory, I haven't nailed it down but it seems to be at least the last six months wiped, and he isn't able to focus on anything except "I want to go home." Can't send you home, its not safe, you're still pretty far out of it. They will be sending you to a skilled nursing facility, then hopefully into rehab. "Tell them I'm going home with you." Nope, I'm not lying to them, I'm not taking you in, I want you to be in a safe skilled nursing facility until they find out how badly and how permanently damaged you are. "Blank look" Dude, you've truly screwed yourself over this time, you aren't coherent, you can't answer questions. "Blank, but slightly puzzled look." How long have you been here? "Three weeks." Five days, really, just five days. Where is your car? "Around the corner." Around the corner from where? "Around the corner." "From here, from the hospital?" "No, around the corner from my house, go tell Miguel to get it before it is towed." "Okay, we'll get it if we can find it, where are your keys? "I don't know" (probably the best answer he's given so far. We never find the keys.) "I have to go sign up for DUI classes, I can't be here." "Medical necessity, they will understand, the important thing right now is for you to stay here or somewhere else people can take care of you and get better." "I'll get in trouble if I don't go sign up for DUI classes, and I need to go pay my bills." (Not said but seriously thought: Using what for money jackass, you get your small monthly benefit for booze and haven't paid you bills in months.) To me, it looks like some serious brain damage, fried by 30 plus years of alcohol abuse and sped up recently by the Vodka, plus any impact from the accident. Mr I never did Meth is already down a mouthful of teeth and looks ten years older then me, he's a year and a half younger. Had to relay that to my mother, who is now figuring when she can get up here to take care of him, I tried to tell her she didn't have the skills, she's not listening (she's 81 and stubborn and has very selective hearing.) Later on I talked to my sister, she didn't gloat, which was what I expected, but was trying to figure out how to get mom calmed down. No clue as to what happens next. Just want to hulk out, turn green and go smash stuff. Thanks for listening. I'll fix the punctuation tomorrow. (The car has almost certainly been towed to impound, it isn't worth enough with the damaged front wheel for me to go bail it out.) |
Author: | Vindicarre [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:33 am ] |
Post subject: | |
Sorry to hear that Micheal. Family is a blessing and a curse, eh? |
Author: | Kirra [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:27 am ] |
Post subject: | |
I'm sorry, Micheal . I hope you are able to find a rehab for him and he chooses to stop drinking. It's a hard thing to get them to change. Kirra hugs |
Author: | darksiege [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:58 am ] |
Post subject: | |
/manly hugs Hope things work out for the best Micheal. |
Author: | Numbuk [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:10 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
You're a good brother, Micheal. He is lucky to have you. I hope he is able to get some real help, and that he accepts it. Good luck to you both. |
Author: | Foamy [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:42 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
Yucky situation. Good luck to you. Take care of yourself. |
Author: | Colphax [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:43 am ] |
Post subject: | |
Sorry to hear that, Mike. Sending some thoughts your way. |
Author: | Diamondeye [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 8:03 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
/Hugs, sounds almost exactly like my problems with my dad. Hang in there Mike; props for not taking him in and telling him he's going to rehab. My dad did the same thing; he's still trying to manage stuff all the time even though he's at a halfway house. |
Author: | Jasmy [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 9:54 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
/hugs Micheal |
Author: | Elmarnieh [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:18 am ] |
Post subject: | |
At least hes likely to die soon. |
Author: | Taskiss [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:43 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
Numbuk wrote: You're a good brother, Micheal. He is lucky to have you. I hope he is able to get some real help, and that he accepts it. Good luck to you both. I couldn't have said this better than Numbuk. Elmarnieh wrote: At least hes likely to die soon. *sigh*
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Author: | Micheal [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:05 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: |
Elmarnieh wrote: At least hes likely to die soon. Was that supposed to be a joke? Didn't come off like one. My grandfather abused alcohol in much the same way, smoked like a chimney, ate a miserable diet, and lived to be 80. My father, also a life time alcohol abuser died last year at 81. Even if that were a relief Elmo, my family history indicates that the cussed live on for a long time making life confusing for everyone they are close to. Only the good die young. So not helpful here. If you continue acting this way, you're only hurting yourself in the long run. You'll die someday too, after making people around you miserable for generations and having everyone relieved to see you go. If you were trying to piss me off, you succeeded, congratulations. May you have a long, mildly prosperous life, seeing none of your dreams come true, then die without love and alone, having had no appreciable positive effect on those you care for, which is probably just you anyway. |
Author: | Xerxes [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 12:44 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
Sorry Micheal, hope you can get somehelp for him, and some help for yourselves in digging him out of trouble. |
Author: | Caleria [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 1:17 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
So sorry to hear that Micheal. I hope everything works out okay. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything from us, even if its just someone to listen while you scream and vent, please don't hesitate to ask. You have a lot of people here that care for you a great deal, and would be glad to help you in anyway we can. |
Author: | LadyKate [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:59 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
I'm sorry Micheal. That is a rotten position your brother has put you in. Are you torn between feeling sorry for him and wanting to punch him in the head for being so stupid and upsetting your mother? I felt that way with my brother when he came to live with me for a little while when he had fled probation in Oregon....I did what I could. I let him go...I hear from him when he is in jail or in the hospital and pray that we don't get that phone call we all dread. I can't change him, I can't fix him. You are a good man, Micheal, a good brother and a good son. You are in a tough spot, but I'm so glad the world has people like you in it and I bet that somewhere in his addled brain your brother thinks so too. I'm sure he loves you and if he wasn't so sick, physically and mentally, he would express his appreciation for everything you've done and continue to do for him. I hope your sister is successful in her attempts to calm your mother down. *hugs* I'll say a prayer for ya'll. |
Author: | Aethien [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 4:03 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Wow, that's tough Micheal. Can't choose your relatives, but you can choose whether or not to help them out, and you're a good man for doing that. Good luck. Hope your life gets "uninteresting" again, at some point. |
Author: | Lenas [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 4:11 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: |
Elmarnieh wrote: At least hes likely to die soon. The ****'s your problem? |
Author: | Katas [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:42 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
Michael, You are wise. You are caring. You are compassionate. You show that it is not nature or nurture but it is a combination of many things which can greatly determine the relative worth of a man. We hope things turn out less interesting soon. |
Author: | Sam [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Hugs Mich......sorry for the bad stuff. Only you know your breaking point.....just when you get to it, don't hesitate. My father had a sibling much like this, as well as my mom. Once they reached their breaking points, they basically cut off those ties forever. It was a sad thing to see happen, but one that I could understand. Do what you feel is right, but don't keep hurting yourself in the process. Hope the Sun shines on you tomorrow! |
Author: | Hokanu [ Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:36 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Ill be thinking about you sir. If you need to vent we are here for you! |
Author: | Micheal [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 12:12 am ] |
Post subject: | |
Our mother, the only person with his power of attorney came up today. We went to see him. He was doing better, and thinks I'm not helping, his still being in the hospital is my fault. He still isn't anywhere near fully back, he is still a little vague on anything asked, except that he can lie with a straight face to my mother. The lies are baldfaced enough that even she isn't buying them. She doesn't call him on them, and I do this stuff for her, so I don't make a scene. After visiting today, we went over to his place to pick up his tax stuff, he's worried because he still hasn't filed and he has to get out right now to file. We told him to relax, my mother is putting all his stuff together right now in my front room. She picked up a lot of other paperwork and all his outstanding bills. I'm trying to get her to not just go ahead and pay them. His car was towed, both left side tires were trashed according to the tow report. He's not sure how he got there, he says he fell at a light rail station, could be but its more than a mile from where he crashed and he doesn't walk all that well drunk. Funny thing, the light rail station is nowhere near the grocery store he says he went to the light rail station to go to. Grocery store was in a direct line from where he crashed the car. His blood alcohol level was so high they had him on detox before he regained consciousness. He wasn't drinking though, he has no idea why they put him on detox and he had the DTs, its all a mistake. Yeah, right. |
Author: | Dash [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:50 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: |
Elmarnieh wrote: At least hes likely to die soon. This was reported and rightly so. I asked for an explination and after reading it I still dont know where this kind of comment comes from. Maybe I'm ignorant of some past history here. People, dont start **** in the non-political threads please. Anyway, take this as your Official Warning ™. |
Author: | Serienya [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:33 am ] |
Post subject: | |
*hugs* Michael. I hope that this works out for the best for all involved, with the least amount of pain. |
Author: | Squirrel Girl [ Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:47 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: When I find the guy . . . |
Sorry Michael. I watched and dealt with each of my parents as they did this. All I can offer is hugs, tea and understanding. |
Author: | Micheal [ Tue Apr 13, 2010 5:52 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
His head is better, for now. He finally regained enough mind he could release himself (against medical advise). He's home, my mother is home, I'm actually able to get some rest and get better from this bug. His car has a 30 day tow order on it. The towing company cannot release it to him until that is released. Two flat tires, a 1995 MB 320 in poor shape, if he waits the 30 days for the tow order to expire, the fee will be more than the car is worth. If he goes down to the police station to get the release, he gets taken into custody for the DUI, likely no bail, not that any of us would come up with it we even if we could. Something new, he's using a walker now. Again, he's only 53. My mother is 81 and gets around fine without help. He also will get the enhancement for high blood alcohol content. Legal limit in California is .08%, High BAC is considered .15%, his was .16% Eventually, the police will learn he is out of the hospital and go get him. It is a matter of time. This one will probably cost him 180 days to one year in jail. Since he just did a 180 day stint last year the judge will (rightfully) throw as much of the book at him as he can. Driving on a revoked/suspended license will add to that. In addition his house is being foreclosed on, final date is middle of next month. I'll probably be on the hook for storing his stuff until he's out and has some place to stay (not with me, trust me.) Spent most of the last three days driving my mother around trying to get his paperwork taken care of. I talked her through setting up a separate account at Chase to be his conservator, should i come to that. Right now its just storing a bunch of old Unemployment checks he wouldn't cash because the county has a lien on his own bank account for past due child support. Sucks to be him. If alcoholism is not a common theme in your family, be thankful. If I ever get down your way Dr. Squirrel Girl, I'll take you up on that. |
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