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| Talking to strangers https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2863 |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Fri May 07, 2010 11:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Talking to strangers |
I've been approaching and talking to hundreds of strangers over the last three weeks to rapidly make myself more socialized. Here are some highlights. A week ago: On the subway train, some black guy in his early 20s screamed at me for 10 minutes straight (and gave me the finger multiple times) because I interrupted a conversation between him and his girlfriend... all I said was "How's it going?" I didn't even talk back to him for the most part. He was just insane. I wanted to yell back for fun but I didn't want him to attack me. I secretly found the whole thing hilarious. I just kept telling him to chill. So he was like "I AM CHILL!!!!" And that made me actually laugh... but again I was scared of him attacking me. When he finally stopped screaming I asked him where he's from, and he was like "**** YOU!!!!!." His girlfriend was amused by it all and kept saying "Stop Jordan, Stop!!" but to no avail. Two days ago: I walked up to five asians standing in a circle and said, "Hi, I'm Alex". And they all introduced themselves to me in turn. None of them even questioned why I approached them, LOL. One kept staring at me, though. And then I gave them dinner suggestions. Yesterday: There were two girls (one looked butch, the other HB7 and classy) sitting on a long stone bench that consists of two steps, each about 2 feet high. They were sitting on the top step. I stood 10 feet away and listened to their conversation for about two minutes, and then approached. Their conversation was some dramatic story about their friends. I walked closer and said "What are you guys talking about? It sounds interesting". The butch-looking one replied "**** off. Go away." This really pissed me off because she was so impolite, so I stated "No" and stood my ground. She got really mad at this and started screaming at me. She made fun of my sunglasses, asked me if I have any social skills (I said yes, no, maybe). I just stood there and took it all... I'm not the type of person to yell back. She said I was harassing her and she'd call someone. She also asked if I was here to just creep around. The HB7 started saying "She's going to call someone!!" The butch took out her phone. Then she got up from her seat and stood right next to me and started screaming into my face point blank, and said she was going to call someone if I didn't leave. So I said "Ok... I want to see what they arrest me for". I also told her that I'd call the police if she hit me, but she said I wasn't worth it. Keep in mind that this is a public area and I can stand where I want. Eventually the butch said "This isn't worth it... let's go" and they both stormed off. And then I left too in the opposite direction. I could write more of these types of stories if you guys are interested. |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sat May 08, 2010 7:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Please do. As long as you keep writing them, we'll know you're ok and haven't gotten yourself killed by doing this to the wrong person. You're not becoming more socialized, by the way. People do not socialize by coming up to complete strangers and butting into their conversations. You're just acting like a weirdo. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sat May 08, 2010 9:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Diamondeye wrote: Please do. As long as you keep writing them, we'll know you're ok and haven't gotten yourself killed by doing this to the wrong person. You're not becoming more socialized, by the way. People do not socialize by coming up to complete strangers and butting into their conversations. You're just acting like a weirdo. These are extreme examples... and yes I am becoming more socialized. Many interactions have gone very positively. If you walk up to a person or groups of people, and attempt to "fit in" 400+ times, you start to get quite proficient at it. Your social anxiety decreases and your personality becomes more calibrated. You also gain confidence. I've already been on several dates so far, and this hobby is great exercise (lots of walking), and it's constant excitement. So I don't plan on stopping for a very long time. |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Lex Luthor wrote: Diamondeye wrote: Please do. As long as you keep writing them, we'll know you're ok and haven't gotten yourself killed by doing this to the wrong person. You're not becoming more socialized, by the way. People do not socialize by coming up to complete strangers and butting into their conversations. You're just acting like a weirdo. These are extreme examples... and yes I am becoming more socialized. Many interactions have gone very positively. If you walk up to a person or groups of people, and attempt to "fit in" 400+ times, you start to get quite proficient at it. Your social anxiety decreases and your personality becomes more calibrated. You also gain confidence. I've already been on several dates so far, and this hobby is great exercise (lots of walking), and it's constant excitement. So I don't plan on stopping for a very long time. You're not becoming more socialized. You're just making up excuses to tell yourself you are. You're not learning to socialize, you're learning to approach random people without pissing them off. There is no such thing as your "personality becoming more calibrated." Your social anxiety is not decreasing either; you're just learning to suppress it, and you're substituting a lot of pointless random interaction for that which is meaningful. As for those just being the most negative ones, it only takes one extremely negative one to put a permanent end to you doing this. No matter how "good" you think you've gotten at it, that possibility is always going to be there and statistics have a way of catching up with people. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Diamondeye wrote: Lex Luthor wrote: Diamondeye wrote: Please do. As long as you keep writing them, we'll know you're ok and haven't gotten yourself killed by doing this to the wrong person. You're not becoming more socialized, by the way. People do not socialize by coming up to complete strangers and butting into their conversations. You're just acting like a weirdo. These are extreme examples... and yes I am becoming more socialized. Many interactions have gone very positively. If you walk up to a person or groups of people, and attempt to "fit in" 400+ times, you start to get quite proficient at it. Your social anxiety decreases and your personality becomes more calibrated. You also gain confidence. I've already been on several dates so far, and this hobby is great exercise (lots of walking), and it's constant excitement. So I don't plan on stopping for a very long time. You're not becoming more socialized. You're just making up excuses to tell yourself you are. You're not learning to socialize, you're learning to approach random people without pissing them off. There is no such thing as your "personality becoming more calibrated." Your social anxiety is not decreasing either; you're just learning to suppress it, and you're substituting a lot of pointless random interaction for that which is meaningful. As for those just being the most negative ones, it only takes one extremely negative one to put a permanent end to you doing this. No matter how "good" you think you've gotten at it, that possibility is always going to be there and statistics have a way of catching up with people. You can make the same arguments for snow boarding, skiing, and dirt biking. All are dangerous activities. Being a soldier is dangerous as well, yet many find reason to do it. I've been in two near-fatal car accidents and am not too afraid of death. I'm also bipolar with high risk of suicide (statistically speaking). Any time you perform an action, your anxiety decreases for it. If you give 1000 speeches, then your anxiety of public speaking will be non-existent. It's the same with approaching strangers. It becomes much easier to express enthusiasm and positive emotions because you do not feel anxiety. Furthermore you become trained to have lots of energy in social situations, in the same way that some people can give great speeches that last hours (like Tony Robbins). Your personality does become "calibrated" because you learn how to engage everyone, improvise humor to make people laugh, when to speak and when to shut up, when to joke or be serious, when to seek rapport, how to be cool and not an idiot, etc. However I agree that your personality doesn't fundamentally change. |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Lex Luthor wrote: You can make the same arguments for snow boarding, skiing, and dirt biking. All are dangerous activities. Different types of danger. Quote: Any time you perform an action, your anxiety decreases for it. If you give 1000 speeches, then your anxiety of public speaking will be non-existent. It's the same with approaching strangers. It becomes much easier to express enthusiasm and positive emotions because you do not feel anxiety. Furthermore you become trained to have lots of energy in social situations, in the same way that some people can give great speeches that last hours (like Tony Robbins). No you haven't. You're trying to generalize "approaching random strangers" to "social situations". As for being "trained to have lots of energy" no, you don't. You're just making up bullshit. Quote: Your personality does become "calibrated" because you learn how to engage everyone, improvise humor to make people laugh, when to speak and when to shut up, when to joke or be serious, when to seek rapport, etc. However I agree that your personality doesn't fundamentally change. It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. There is no such thing as calibrating your personality. My degree is in Psychology. You're simply making something up to justify this behavior by assigning it a benefit. That benefit does not exist. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
You can believe what you want. I'm done debating with you. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Lex Luthor wrote: Your personality does become "calibrated" because you learn how to engage everyone, improvise humor to make people laugh, when to speak and when to shut up, when to joke or be serious, when to seek rapport, how to be cool and not an idiot, etc. You've been "calibrating your personality" here for how long now? Lemme tell ya. It hasn't worked. |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Lex Luthor wrote: You can believe what you want. I'm done debating with you. What I believe has nothing to do with it. You're inventing fake justifications in regard to a topic you know nothing about,for a behavior you want to engage in. Period. There is no debate here. I'm right and you're wrong and that's all there is to it. But like I said, keep posting these stories. If you're making them up, ou're just confirming your desperate need for attention. If not, you're still confirming it but at least we can rest easy knowing you've survived. Quote: You've been "calibrating your personality" here for how long now? Lemme tell ya. It hasn't worked. It's not unlike cold fusion that way... |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sat May 08, 2010 11:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'm not making them up. Will post more stories later (interesting ones, not just stupid gloating crap). |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sat May 08, 2010 11:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
At the train station I saw a black teenager with a bandaged hand. I walked up and said "How did that happen? Were you going like this? [makes punching motion]" He laughed and said no, he got shot. I didn't hear him well and made him repeat, and then said "You got shot??". Him: "Yeah." I asked him what happened, and he told me the whole story. He and his friend were in a conflict with two other guys over money. One of them pulled out a 22 cal pistol and shot him in the hand and his friend in the chest. The bullet got stuck in his hand. This took place in California. I asked him why he didn't bring a gun, and he said he left his three guns at home. I asked how old he was (18) and then asked how he could own them, and he said they're his uncles. Then I told him how it's a felony for him to carry them and could land him years in prison. This really surprised him and was new knowledge. I said goodbye and left. He was pretty cool. At a fast food place, I saw a tall black woman with two pairs of sun glasses. She was wearing one and the other was on her shirt. I yelled at her across the fast food place, "Why do you have two pairs of sunglasses?" She smiled and said that the curved one breaks the air better so she can walk faster. She can "feel it". I laughed a lot at this, and then realized she was serious. I suspected she was homeless so I looked at her fingernails. They were long and dirty. I told her I was a race car driver and have a Ford Focus. She was like "Really?? Cool!" and I was like, "Yeah." I sat down outside at a table, and 5 minutes later I noticed her looking for a seat. I waved her over and she sat down with me. We talked and I told her I wasn't really a race car driver. She was very enthusiastic with her speech but I could tell she was probably IQ 60. After five minutes she said "I gotta leave for a bit". She walked to another table and sat down for a minute and stared into a distance. Then she stuck her sunglasses in her hood and walked off. I saw five girls sitting on a concrete bench so I approached them and stood in the center, and said hi. They thought this was amusing. We talked but I couldn't keep all their attention, so I don't think they were too impressed. I wasn't anxious though. Four of them were French and one American, and all looked freshman college aged. One couldn't speak any English. Eventually they started making sexual jokes (typical for French girls...) and were asking which one should give me a BJ. I played into this and made some jokes back, and the ones that could understand laughed. I asked one to open her mouth wide but she didn't. One was trying to convince another to get coffee with me, and she smiled but didn't want to. They were all trying to convince each other to do stuff with me, which was amusing. Then one said "You have white hair", to which I replied "Yeah I'm old". She said "How old are you?" "23." She stated "Wow... we're in high school. This is illegal." Then I said "Um... alright... sorry about all this." I was mildly freaked out so I walked away, through the book store, and back onto the side walk. The moment I got out two of these girls amazingly found me and asked if I could get coffee with them. Then the other three showed up. They said they were actually college girls (except one) and I found out where they all went to school. I said I would buy two of them coffee in exchange for all their phone numbers, and they enthusiastically agreed. We all went to Starbucks and they ordered five coffees together. It was $23 on the register. I said "Um, I'm not paying for this..." to the woman at the register. She cancelled the order. The girls were all watching, and as soon as I did this they all giggled and ran away. Then I approached a woman at a table and told her this whole story... she found it very amusing. I don't think she was into me so I didn't get her number. Also I distracted her from her paper. |
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| Author: | Kirra [ Sun May 09, 2010 12:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Do you do this stuff because it amuses you? Or do you really think it is making you a better person... Heed DE, you are going to piss off the wrong person one day. |
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| Author: | Rynar [ Sun May 09, 2010 12:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Go back and see your doctor, Lex. I'll be praying for you. |
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| Author: | Vindicarre [ Sun May 09, 2010 2:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Lex, leave the "pick up artist" posts for the "pick up artist" forums. In time, you'll learn that the methods espoused there won't lead to and aren't intended to lead to anything but remorse. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sun May 09, 2010 6:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Kirra wrote: Do you do this stuff because it amuses you? Or do you really think it is making you a better person... Heed DE, you are going to piss off the wrong person one day. There's a variety of reasons. It's great exercise and I hate the gym. People in the military piss off the enemy... do you think they should all quit? |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sun May 09, 2010 6:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Rynar wrote: Go back and see your doctor, Lex. I'll be praying for you. I'm definitely not acting manic. |
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| Author: | Kirra [ Sun May 09, 2010 11:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
You know what I would like to see you post? Print this thread..take it to your doctor.. Have him read it. Then, post his comments about it. That is what I think would be interesting. |
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| Author: | Rodahn [ Sun May 09, 2010 12:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
This is actually an interesting approach, and a social experiment I've often wondered the results to. I got the idea from the game Mass Effect. For those who have not played it, your main character basically gets his/her information from extensive dialogues from people, some of them complete strangers. It was a slight sticking point of the game for me, as I always found it unbelievable how complete strangers you over-hear would suddenly spill their guts to you after butting in and saying something like, "What's the problem, maybe I can help?" Always wondered how something like this would go over in real life. As I suspected from Lex's post, real people are much more guarded. |
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| Author: | Diamondeye [ Sun May 09, 2010 1:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Re: |
Lex Luthor wrote: Kirra wrote: Do you do this stuff because it amuses you? Or do you really think it is making you a better person... Heed DE, you are going to piss off the wrong person one day. There's a variety of reasons. It's great exercise and I hate the gym. People in the military piss off the enemy... do you think they should all quit? The military pisses off the enemy in the process of destroying them. Unless you're out to beat people up, and are well equipeed to do so, you're not in a comparable position at all, espcially since the military has societal sanction to be doing so and you... don't. I would be interested to know the results of you going and getting into fights with people, but I doubt very much this would leave you in any position to post them, and I'd really rather not find out that you got splattered all over the pavement, or have acquired a new boyfriend named Bubba. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sun May 09, 2010 1:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well if I stop posting for a while, you'll know what happened to me! |
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| Author: | Xerxes [ Sun May 09, 2010 1:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Heed DE, you are going to piss off the wrong person one day.[/quote] Already told Lex this a board or two ago....don't think it'll make it through his skull through reading words sadly. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Sun May 09, 2010 9:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've never been beaten up before in my life *shrug*. With 23 years of sample data you can draw a pretty good trend line. |
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| Author: | Lex Luthor [ Mon May 10, 2010 6:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
Some stuff I noticed: 1) Asking people lots of questions usually gets bad results, and it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. I no longer do this because it's not fun. 2) Telling people early on about my job or cool things about me never works. They sense that I'm seeking their approval. 3) I learned this very recently... if you talk to people without seeking rapport (think police officer), they respond so much more. It's crazy. They give you a lot more respect just based on your vocal tone. If you talk to strangers sounding like an approval-seeking kid, they will treat you like one and will want you out of their face pretty quickly. It's not fun. This stuff wasn't obvious to me... it took hundreds of times to just begin to understand. 4) Rejection barely hurts me now to the point where I hardly care, and I'm more desensitized to social pressure. However, I still don't feel "free" with my language in the same way I can fluidly talk to my friends. So there's a lot of work to be done there. 5) Calling Latina girls Hispanic and saying you don't speak Latina isn't funny and just pisses them off. 6) Appearing creepy at all (even making too much eye contact) puts you at high risk of getting kicked out of venues. However, I've only been warned thus far, but I'm much more self-conscious about this now. I don't want to be banned from my favorite places. |
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| Author: | Khross [ Mon May 10, 2010 7:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
... |
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| Author: | Nitefox [ Mon May 10, 2010 7:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Talking to strangers |
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