1) Don't say "no" just to say no. If you're inclined to say no, ask yourself why. Is it just that there are so many requests that "no" is an automatic response? Do you have some fear about what might happen? How well grounded is that fear? Are you concerned that they are not old enough or not mature enough for something? If so, is it really reaosnable, or is it just that you're still thinking of them as a child? For example, my daughter is 17. I allow her to read any book she wants, regardless of the subject matter. She's of the age where she needs to be exposed to what's out there, not protected from it.
2) When you do say "no", or otherwise make a decision like "yes, you have to go to church today", do not argue. You are not trying to convince them to do as you say. You have said so, and they are going to do it. Period. Don't entertain endless "but I don't understand why" questions. They understand just fine; they just don't want to, and the attempts to discuss it are simply attempts to nag you into changing your decision. When you allow them to do that, it just encourages such behavior in the future. You're the one paying the bills and you're taking care of them.
3) When correcting them, explain clearly what they did wrong and most importantly, what they should have done differently. Frame it in terms of how and adult will act. Remind them that they will be an adult soon and they need to start acting like it because you will not always be there to fic the problem. Our most frequent household issue with this is not taking the housekey along when going out. Conversely, when they do a good job, explain that they did a good job and why.
4) Tease them, and let them tease you back. Don't allow it to cross into disrespect or serve as a substitute for serious discussion, and by the same token don't use it to be mean, but let them see that every interaction with you is not serious. By the same token, if something is clearly bothering them, don't ask "is something bugging you?" but "what's bothering you?" If they insist that it's nothing and yet still behave irritably, make it clear that if they won't talk about whatever it is, inflicting their bad mood on everyone else won't be tolerated. Screaming fits should also not be tolerated. If they need to scream about hating you they evidently do not need to go hang out with their friends.
5) Remind them regularly that life is moving forward. Talk about the future, With high school drama, I regularly remind my daughter that, in a year, it's over, one way or the othe; don't worry too much about it. Get them thinking about things beyond here and now.
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