The Glade 4.0

So I have a weird "problem". My new girlfriend is awesome and I have no idea what to do with her. She cleans my house, does my laundry, I cook her dinner and she does the dishes (all without me asking). She does all of the little things that, in my mind at least, show she genuinely cares about me and I am at a loss. I am not used to it and I don't know how to adequately express my gratitude and reciprocate. I am more accustomed to drama, hurt feelings and general bullshit.

I know this is a retarded topic to "rant" about but I am truly confused here. Help?

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Whatever you do, don't use the "L" word 'till she does. That's not how you show you care.

As far as showing you care, open (car) doors for her, pull her chair out/help adjust it at restaurants, etc... do stuff in public that shows folks you care for HER, and I'm not talking about grab-ass, I'm talking extra consideration.

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In time, this too shall pass.

been my experience that girls like that usually want some similar consideration in return (Or rather they want you to make them the focus of your world in return) but don't know how to express it, and feel like they have to 'buy' your affection with their labor. We're all warped in how we think we have to 'earn' love. This is no more or less so than any other way. But I'd guess she's looking for you to put her on a pedestal. (she may even feel she's of the mindset that she's supposed to take care of you, that's just her nature, but I'll wager she still wants you to be there for her too.)

but thats just armchair psych

I'm going to amend this statement with "... and you ABSOLUTELY know you mean it."

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Reciprocation is always a good one as Taskiss and theRiov said. More importantly, don't be afraid to utter the simple words, "Thank you," now and again.

I do all of the above but it feels insufficient. I also pick her up small thoughtful gifts and flowers.

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Don't do this too often ...

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Send her to my house.

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

Listen to her, she will give you clues. Think about what she says and let it simmer for awhile. Ask her opinion on things, listen to her answers and don't knee-jerk react.

Be the best person you know how to be. Let her inspire you to greatness.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

You're overcompensating. Part of liking or loving another person is to help each other out. You're already doing that based on what you said. Just let it be and find a way to deal with your issues of guilt. You can't deny that you're feeling guilty, but talk it out with a friend when you do feel guilty. Start to move towards a healthier relationship.

I would simply tell her exactly what you wrote here along with a "thank you."


I read a book called the 5 love languages once and found it pretty applicable. Basically there are 5 ways people express and feel loved. People tend to express love in the way they need it but it goes better if you express it the way your partner needs it. Sounds like you guys are speaking each others' love languages. Her acts of service make you feel loved. Your gifts to her make her feel loved.

The book is only like 100 pages long but I found it helpful to figure out how to love my wife better (and it has worked). Give it a shot.

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The Dude abides.

Thanks Screeling, I'll check it out.

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Okay.. since this was originally yours... I find it humorously (in)appropriate:


Seriously though: make sure she knows you appreciate the things she does. Do not smother her though. Make the most of your time together. Go and do things together, out of the home activities are a good thing.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Get her a little something for no reason and tell her its because you appreciate what she is doing (it could be a dinner out at one of her favorite places).

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Looks like you've found a normal chick, who likes being with you. I'd suggest taking Taskiss' advice.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

This.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

This, while it sounds dumb, is really really good advice.

First, you don't want to set expectations unsustainably high.

Second, doing anything too much will make it worth less to her.

Just be genuinely appreciative, and make sure YOU don't fall victim to number 2 above with all the things she does for you.

Reciprocate, and genuinely listen to her when she talks, and take real interest in the things she says. This will let you know you appriciate her.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

This.

Be as open as you can too. If you're feeling unsure about something, or insecure, let her know. We don't read minds.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?