Rynar wrote:
He could always call the number.
Or PM it to one of us and let us call.
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| Lying liars and the lies they tell? https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3377 |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Lying liars and the lies they tell? |
So I caught my g/f in a lie. Not a huge one I don't think but I can't wrap my head around it. We were driving back from my brother's on Saturday and she made a call in the car. She was cursing up and down the whole time (not angrily, more like conversationally?) but that language is very out of character for her. I asked her who she was talking to and she said her Uncle but when I pressed that she doesn't talk like to her family she got very defensive. So fast-forward to today and my cell phone bill arrives via email and in the call log it shows she was actually talking to her ex-bf's partner (he was a cop) in Milwaukee. She's called/received calls from him 121 times since June 8th. Almost all of these calls were outbound, not vice versa. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I cannot figure it out. If she had just told me she was talking to him (or even her ex) I would've been fine but to lie about it so blatantly gives me pause. |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've had relationships that were similar. A friend's girlfriend or wife has become a friend and when their relationship with their significant other went awry, the otherwise departing female maintained a friendship with me. However, 121 calls in less than a month, averaging more than 4 calls a day? No, not that much contact except for once - my wife asked me to break it off because the girl was not sane, not rational, and was heading for big trouble (which she eventually found) - which was why the friend she had been involved with broke it off to begin with. Is your g/f sane? This is not normal behavior. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Micheal wrote: I've had relationships that were similar. A friend's girlfriend or wife has become a friend and when their relationship with their significant other went awry, the otherwise departing female maintained a friendship with me. However, 121 calls in less than a month, averaging more than 4 calls a day? No, not that much contact except for once - my wife asked me to break it off because the girl was not sane, not rational, and was heading for big trouble (which she eventually found) - which was why the friend she had been involved with broke it off to begin with. Is your g/f sane? This is not normal behavior. She seems eminently sane. The bulk of the calls are 1 minute each but total up to about 9 hours (with apparently 2 hours of 1 minute calls). I am assuming that the 1 minute calls are hitting voicemail on the other end. |
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| Author: | Taskiss [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 9:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'd never be able to trust after that. |
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| Author: | DFK! [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 9:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'm curious as to why she's on your cell bill. That aside, were I her, I'd be more bothered if you failed to initiate a conversation about it. |
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| Author: | Rynar [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Yeah... a lie spun casually with nothing behind it would signal to me that she does it as a normal course of action without thinking about it. Compulsively. A lie spun for any other reason, when speaking with another man, indicates that she is hiding something. Neither is acceptable. I'm with Taskiss here. |
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| Author: | Taamar [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Taskiss wrote: I'd never be able to trust after that. I think this is a little extreme, but the conversation about it would have to go well to move forward. The opener goes like this: "So I noticed you calling this number a lot, and I see that it's your ex's partner. I also notice you were on the phone with him once when I asked you straight out who you were talking to and you lied. I'm really hurt by the dishonesty, what's up?" What you want is for her to admit that it was a mistake and apologize. If she get's angry and defense THAT would be the deal breaker. Good answer: "I'm sorry, I thought you'd be upset and it sorta snowballed on me. I've been talking to him because *insert innocent reason* and I'm glad you know now and are being reasonable about it. I won't do it again." Bad answer: "WTF, why are you checking up on me? Can't I have any privacy? You're such a controlling *******!" Shel and I had some issue in the beginning with him demanding to know who I was talking too.. not because he's worried about it but because he's SO DAMNED CURIOUS. It made me crazy, I felt like I was being stalked and micromanaged (and he wouldn't wait until I was off the phone, so I had to manage both conversations at once). He also did the 'where are you going?" every time I went out and got mad when I said 'running errands'. We eventually got it sorted so he asks "anything interesting?" when I'm on the phone and will wait until I hang up for details. And when I go out running errands he knows he can just call if he's worried. The only issue we have with communication right now is that I'll go out for pie with a close friend and we'll stay at VI until midnight and I'll get home and he'll say "where have you BEEN! It's LATE?". He'll stay up waiting and worrying because it's late and I didn't call, but I won't think to call because I'm not paying attention to the time and haven't changed locations. I'm still working on that one. |
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| Author: | Taskiss [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
A casual call wouldn't be a big deal, but 121 calls ... 4 calls a day ... isn't casual. Something's going on. |
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| Author: | Taamar [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Taskiss wrote: A casual call wouldn't be a big deal, but 121 calls ... 4 calls a day ... isn't casual. Something's going on. Or she's been trying desperately to contact him for a single purpose and keeps getting voicemail. In my mind the issue is the lying more than the calls. I agree, though... that many calls is a red flag. There's an outside chance it's innocent, but there are very few scenarios that would cover it. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Holy crap... wrong phone number... Good thing I mulled this over. |
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| Author: | DFK! [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Hopwin wrote: Holy crap... wrong phone number... Good thing I mulled this over. Wait, what? |
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| Author: | Micheal [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
The number she was calling was not the ex-boyfriend's partner's number. Now the question is, whose is it? dial-a-prayer her mom her bff planned parenthood Maybe Hop will tell us soon. |
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| Author: | Taskiss [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 4:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Probably Hop's google number. I told Müs that nothing good would come from google voice... |
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| Author: | Rynar [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 4:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
He could always call the number. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Rynar wrote: He could always call the number. Or PM it to one of us and let us call.
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| Author: | Müs [ Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Taskiss wrote: Probably Hop's google number. I told Müs that nothing good would come from google voice... Its actually *my* Google Voice Number. Thanks Camel. Way to blow it. |
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| Author: | Hopwin [ Tue Jul 06, 2010 6:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: |
Micheal wrote: The number she was calling was not the ex-boyfriend's partner's number. Now the question is, whose is it? dial-a-prayer her mom her bff planned parenthood Maybe Hop will tell us soon. It is her friend in Milwaukee. |
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| Author: | LadyKate [ Tue Jul 06, 2010 6:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Re: |
Hopwin wrote: It is her friend in Milwaukee. Which one? 
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