My last surviving grandparent just died. My grandmother in Washington on my dad's side.
My sister called two weeks ago to tell me she fell and was in the hospital. At the time, my sister was driving and said she'd call me back. She didn't. I tried calling her and my older sister several times and leaving voicemails...no return calls but got text message photos of her trying on her wedding dress. (My older sister called back while I was washing the dog and when I tried calling her back she didn't answer. Left another voicemail.....no return call.)
Then I find out today Grandma died by reading my sister's facebook status.
I sent her a message about that and she told me off..."you didn't try very hard. I've been busy. When you want to have a conversation without trying to make me feel shitty or pick a fight let me know. For now, leave me alone. I'm grieving."
I haven't seen my grandma since my dad died....in the last 15 years I've been up in Oregon 3 times. Once for my mom's surprise 50th birthday (dad flew me in), then for my dad's funeral (mom flew me in), and then to be with my mom while she died (my friends raised the money to fly me there).
In the past 15 years, my mom came down here 3 times....once when I graduated high school, once when my aunt got married and wanted to show her husband the family, and when I graduated college.
My sister keeps saying she is going to come visit and every six months she says she is buying a plane ticket but she never does.
It kills me that I have not been able to maintain these relationships. I thought one day I'd be able to afford to go up there or visit, but its like that damn cats in the cradle song...its always something. And now I'm 30 and no surviving parents or grandparents....I thought I had 10 more years to get my **** together.
The simple fact is that I'm not there. I have not been there. No one wants to put the effort in to maintain relationships, but I'm the only one who seems to be hurt by this.
&%#@*.
I'm so angry.
I don't even feel like I have a right to be sad, but I am. Very sad. RIP Grandma.
