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::HeadDesk::
https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=3815		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  Squirrel Girl [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:41 pm ]
Post subject:  ::HeadDesk::
Right now I feel my son may cause me to burst an aneurysm.

In the past 36 hours:

Yesterday morning I got him up so he could do one thing. Take his car to the shop and get a replacement brake light switch. He did not.

I came home. The kitchen that was clean when I left was trashed. The milk was left on the counter and was spoiled. My son could not replace it because his car is unsafe until fixed. My ex came over, dragged our son to an auto parts store to see if the brake light switch could be bought and put in so my son could make his medical appointment this morning. Unfortunately it could not, but a plan was made to make the appintment happen.

As he was leaving my ex asked me if I wanted him to come to dinner tomorrow. I looked at him blankly....why? It turns out that our nephew is coming to town and will be staying in my house for four days. My nephew called the house last week to ask to stay here for a few days. My son got the call and said sure, but never told me. My ex found out when driving my son to the auto parts store. I was volunteered to fix dinner for when the nephew arrives. *facepalm*

So, I am running around last night seeing what food I have, cleaning the kitchen (again) and planning what to pick up on the way home from work today. While I'm doing this I ask my son to clean his room and the bathroom since the nephew will be in there on the bunk bed.

Get up this morning...the house smell like decomposing urine. Step in the supposedly cleaned bathroom and the toilet clearly has not been flushed in days. NONE of the dirty clothes are in the hamper. They are scattered around the bathroom, including on the sink? Walk in my son's room. His bed is filthy...not messy..filthy with spilled things. WTF the bedding was changed 5 days ago! The rest of the dirty clothes are scattered around the room.

I had enough. I told my son that I could not live with this. We ended up dicussing flushing the toilet, and I could see the light dawn when I talked about flushing every time it was used and not just when he poops.

My son called my ex "because mom was being too hard on him". Interestingly my ex insisted on being put on speaker, and after listening he said, "Your mother has been very patient, supportive and loving while trying to help you get your act together, regain confidence and either go back to college or go to work. You have been asked to act like a decent housemate only: clean up your own messes, do a few chores, and communicate. You are not doing your part. You must start doing this now, or I will insist that you are kicked out. She is your mother and not your servent."

Hell has frozen over.
Author:  Xerxes [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
Sorry you have had to put up with that Squirrel Girl.

I'm glad your Ex supported you about what had been happening =)
Author:  Squirrel Girl [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
Xerxes wrote:

I'm glad your Ex supported you about what had been happening =)


Thanks. This (and the healthcare mess) explain why I've been stressed. Iif I did not know that I can just retire anytime, I would go crazy.

Also the fact that my ex did support me is why I said Hell froze over.
Author:  Lenas [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Great ending to the story. Sorry for the pun, but I hope your son cleans up his act :)
Author:  Taskiss [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
My father would clean my room if I didn't.

He would walk through with a big trash can and toss everything in, take it out to the burn barrel outside and light it on fire.

If my bed was unmade, he'd take the mattress to the garage and stand it up against the wall.

And, this was him being NICE. His "not nice" was... well, it made his "nice" look nice.

He had one goal - keeping my stuff in good shape should be something I worried about more than he worried about. WASH f'ing RINSE f'ing REPEAT, from an early age 'till I got a job and a place of my own.

I really miss my father. I respected him more than any man I've ever met.
Author:  Lenas [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Taskiss wrote:
My father would clean my room if I didn't.


I'll remember what you said here today, and apply when I have children. Love it.
Author:  Taskiss [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Lenas wrote:
Taskiss wrote:
My father would clean my room if I didn't.


I'll remember what you said here today, and apply when I have children. Love it.

He'd put it exactly that way, too.

"If you don't clean your room, I will".

Elbows and assholes flew when we heard that.
Author:  Taamar [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Taskiss wrote:
My father would clean my room if I didn't.

He would walk through with a big trash can and toss everything in, take it out to the burn barrel outside and light it on fire.

If my bed was unmade, he'd take the mattress to the garage and stand it up against the wall.

And, this was him being NICE. His "not nice" was... well, it made his "nice" look nice.

He had one goal - keeping my stuff in good shape should be something I worried about more than he worried about. WASH f'ing RINSE f'ing REPEAT, from an early age 'till I got a job and a place of my own.

I really miss my father. I respected him more than any man I've ever met.


My dad made me light it, and I had to sit and watch. It only took once.
Author:  Taskiss [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Re:
Taamar wrote:
It only took once.

Amazing how it works that way, isn't it?

I wasn't quite as intelligent - I think he did it to me 2-3 times in my life.
Author:  Taamar [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was at a friends house last week. She has a 16 year old and a two year old. The toddler was napping and teenager what stomping and she said "if you wake your brother up he'll be cranky all night and you can watch him in your room while the rest of us have a quiet evening." He rolled his eyes and on his way out of the room he said 'Your threats mean nothing"

The problem is, he's right. I would have said 'OK, then. You're watching him tonight whether you wake him or not. The rest of us are going out to dinner." But she pretty much let it slide with a lecture about 'respect'. Want to know why your kid is a brat? Because you give him all of the rights of an adult and none of the responsibilities. Because you make your friends to let him join in conversations as a grown-up but expect him to be cut slack when he acts like a 12 year old. Because you let him believe that 'but I don't feel like helping out around the house' is a legitimate reason not to.
Author:  Taskiss [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
My pop was my inspiration. I've never had a boss harder to please than he was, and as a result, I've never had a problem pleasing a boss. He'd be like "Paint that chain link fence today", and I'd do a half-assed job and he'd walk the fence, come back and say "Paint it again". I'd be like "Where did I miss"? and he'd say "I'd tell you, but then again, I might have missed seeing something, so paint it again and we'll see what you missed then".

I owe him for my success. Had he not cared... had he not taken the time to butt heads with a head-strong 3 year old (and I was)... and 4, 5, etc...had he not put everything he had in raising me, I'd not be someone who put everything into the things I am responsible for.

He's been gone for just over a year. There was no finer man than my father. If my kids can say the same about me.. then I'll have done my father proud.
Author:  Jasmy [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
/BIG HUGS SQ!!
Author:  Micheal [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Reminds me so much of my brothers, glad I was never like that.

/whistles

Pretty standard slacker mentality. Glad your ex could see that as well. He needs a boot to the head to see if his mindset can be rebooted. Tell him one more screw-up and he's homeless, then follow through, he won't believe you and will screw-up almost immediately.

Tough love is a necessary part of being a responsible parent.
Author:  Monte [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't know if this is a rare thing for your ex or not, but it's good that he's on board.

I'm with Micheal, though. Might be he's crying out to be dropped and forced to sink or swim.
Author:  Wwen [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Show him what "being hard on him" really is. take him by the collar, then headbutt him in the face. An elbow to the temple afterwards is optional.

Or make him join the military. He'll be neatly folding **** and cleaning up before you know it.
Author:  Rynar [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 8:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
Taskiss, are you sure you aren't talking about my father?
Author:  Taskiss [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
Rynar wrote:
Taskiss, are you sure you aren't talking about my father?

If he was a great one, then yes, I was.

:D
Author:  Rynar [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ::HeadDesk::
Taskiss wrote:
Rynar wrote:
Taskiss, are you sure you aren't talking about my father?

If he was a great one, then yes, I was.

:D


He me how to be a man, how to be a father, and handed me my work ethic, and the ability to succeed as surely as if he had gift wrapped them and handed me the box.
Author:  Squirrel Girl [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Monte wrote:
I don't know if this is a rare thing for your ex or not, but it's good that he's on board.



This is the first time in 20 years. If he had ever manned up and supported me with anything against anyone and he would not be my ex. My ex's sister told me to divorce him because he never backed me.
Author:  Monte [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry to hear that.
Author:  Uncle Fester [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 5:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
I remember my father offering at a parent teacher meeting that he wanted a behavior report on me every week on friday. If it was not good he was going to take me to the back yard and beat the **** out of me. When the teachers nodded and said OK, I cleaned my act up damn quick.
Author:  Xequecal [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think this is something you learn in the military, honestly. My dad will come to my apartment and I can honestly believe he sees it as a personal failure that my clothes aren't folded "in the crease," so to speak. I know I'm in the minority of people my age simply by actually folding my clothes, I don't get why this type of thing is so important.
Author:  DFK! [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Xequecal wrote:
I think this is something you learn in the military, honestly. My dad will come to my apartment and I can honestly believe he sees it as a personal failure that my clothes aren't folded "in the crease," so to speak. I know I'm in the minority of people my age simply by actually folding my clothes, I don't get why this type of thing is so important.



"Folded in the crease?"
Author:  Xequecal [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
You know how pairs of pants (or, at least, nicer pairs) have that line of stitching on the side that holds them together? That's the crease, and they're "supposed" to be folded so that this stitching is pushed inside and not visible. This is apparently very important.
Author:  DFK! [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 7:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have never heard of that. Hmmph.
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