Last year sucked
The toll last year was 9 people lost.
This year sucks too.
Last February my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He got about 10 (hyperbole) different opinions about whether to do a complete removal, partial removal or a freezing. He had a partial removal 2 weeks ago tuesday.
During this time we found out that my Father in law's lung cancer treatment wasnt working and he decided to stop all treatment as it was taking a heavy toll on him. He decided to just let things progress naturally. They said about 6-8 weeks of normalcy and then an immediate decline. At this time his son (my wife's brother) relapsed and went into rehab for alcoholism.
In the meantime, my uncle who has multiple myloma has taken a severe turn for the worse. He went back into the ER on Friday for a possible stroke. His nieces found him in the garage passed out in the car.
Last week my brother (who has Crohn's) had yet another kidney stone. This one was bad enough that his urine had backed up into his bloodstream and caused an infection. He was in the hospital on Friday when I found out about my uncle.
So my dad was with me in the hospital visiting my brother and wanted me to drive him over to the other hospital to visit his brother. My uncle was very much not himself. He kept wanting to get up and leave. He was pissed that they Drs had not given him any info and wanted to leave. (He was acting very much not himself). My Dad agreed and said he didn't blame him. I told dad to zip it cause he needs to make sure my uncle stays in the hospital to get the care he needs. My dad got pissed at me (he is on pain meds due to his kidney surgery). I know he didnt mean to be cross.
My father in law came down this weekend for my newest son's baptism. He was here a couple hours and started to feel bad. His pain became unbearable and we called his Dr. We didnt hear back so the nurse said to head to the local ER. I took him and my mother in law and my brother in law to the ER here in town but by the time we made it his Dr. called back. Said to give him 2 more morphine pills. Instead of going to the ER the pain meds finally kicked in although he was pretty lit from the morphine. Finally got him stable and they both headed back to Iowa with my brother in law. Took us 20 minutes to get him in the car because he wouldnt bend his legs.
My father in law is the only person I can talk to about Greek philosophy (among other things) and actually hold an intelligent conversation. All he could tell me this weekend is that while he wanted to get me a book for my newest son he couldnt figure out what book to get for my oldest son. My oldest is named Ethan and my youngest Marcus. He knew he wanted to get my youngest son Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (I got it for my Father in law last year for his birthday) but didn't know of a similar book for Ethan. No one could understand what he was saying except for me. He is a classic renaissance man. I am going to miss him greatly.
Got call tonight that Father in law's cancer has spread significantly into his lymph nodes. Wife is going home in the AM. Yesterday I suggested that she go home for a couple weeks as I could tell he doesnt have much time left. Guess that was a good suggestion.
Sorry for the rambling. I know some people have it worse.
TL;DR Dad has kidney cancer, uncle has multiple myloma, brother has blood infection, (sister in law has breast cancer), brother in law is now an alcoholic, Father in law has lung cancer and probably only a few weeks to live. I am the only healthy male in my family and am bearing a lot. Just wanted to rant.
This passage has helped some of my turbulence.
Cicero wrote: The soul that is altogether courageous and great is marked above all by two characteristics: one of these is indifference to outward circumstances; for such a person cherishes the conviction that nothing but moral goodness and propriety deserves to be either admired or wished for or striven after, and that he ought not to be subject to any man or any passion or any accident of fortune. The second characteristic is that, when the soul is disciplined in the way above mentioned, one should do deeds not only great and in the highest degree useful, but extremely arduous and laborious and fraught with danger both to life and to many things that make life worth living.
{67} All the glory and greatness and, I may add, all the usefulness of these two characteristics of courage are centred in the latter; the rational cause that makes men great, in the former. For it is the former that contains the element that makes souls pre-eminent and indifferent to worldly fortune. And this qualitity is distinguished by two criteria: (1) if one account moral rectitude as the only good; and (2) if one be free from all passion. For we must agree that it takes a brave and heroic soul to hold as slight what most people think grand and glorious, and to disregard it from fixed and settled principles. And it requires strength of character and great singlenesss of purpose to bear what seems painful, as it comes to pass in many and various forms in human life, and to bear it so unflinchingly as not to be shaken in the least from one's natural state of the dignity of a {68} philosopher. Moreover, it would be inconsistent for the man who is not overcome by fear to be overcome by desire, or for the man who has shown himself invincible to toil to be conquered by pleasure. We must, therefore, not only avoid the latter, but also beware of ambition for wealth; for there is nothing so characteristic of narrowness and littleness of soul as the love of riches; and there is nothing more honourable and noble than to be indifferent to money, if one does not possess it, and to devote it to beneficence and liberality, if one does possess it. As I said before, we must also beware of ambition for glory; for it robs us of liberty, and in defence of liberty a high-souled man should stake everything. And one ought not to seek military authority; nay, rather it ought sometimes to be declined,/a sometimes to be resigned./b
{69} Again, we must keep ourselves free from every disturbing emotion, not only from desire and fear, but also from excessive pain and pleasure, and from anger, so that we may enjoy that calm of soul and freedom from care which bring both moral stability and dignity of character. But there have been many and still are many who, while pursuing that calm of soul of which I speak, have withdrawn from civic duty and taken refuge in retirement. Among such have been found the most famous and by far the foremost philosophers/c and certain other/d earnest, thoughtful men who could not endure the conduct of either the people or their leaders; some of them, too, lived in the country and found their pleasure in the management {70}of their private estates. Such men have had the same aims as kings — to suffer no want, to be subject to no authority, to enjoy their liberty, that is, in its essence, to live just as they please.
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