The Glade 4.0 :: View topic - A family dilemma

And I think part of the reason it's important to her for me to be there is to show off to her friends that her granddaughter visits, so going to visit on another day won't help.

Go a day early and spend the night there or at a hotel, be there when everybody shows up, but leave immediately after they arrive because you "have to be somewhere else for another celebration", like, go celebrate not being where you don't want to be.

You get time with your grandmother, her friends see you there and she gets a perfect conversation topic when you are gone.

So that's what I'm facing. I love my grandmother, she's totally awesome, but I'd rather spend time with HER, not with her group of friends. And I think part of the reason it's important to her for me to be there is to show off to her friends that her granddaughter visits, so going to visit on another day won't help.

What the hell do I do?

Author:	Taamar [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:18 am ]
Post subject:	A family dilemma
So Thanksgiving is coming up, and I'm invited to my grandmothers house, of course. But here's the thing....it's not really a family gathering. My dad and brothers won't be there, nor will any cousins. In fact, if we go Shel and I will be the only ones under 60. This means we get to spend the entire day hearing about how WE are the root of all the problems in the world, and how life was better when women and 'colored folk' weren't taking all the jobs from men with families to support. And I'll get a ration for not wearing pantyhose, lipstick, and heels. But somehow, this doesn't mean that I wont get tons of worthless advice when they hear I don't have a job, because none of them really understand the low ratio of jobs to seekers... so I'll hear that if I 'get out there and pound the pavement' I'll have a job within a week (when most jobs don't accept walk-in applications anymore). And I'll be called lazy for looking online. Oh, and my grandmothers pet theory, that it doesn't really matter what job you get so long as you stay with it forever because that's how you get a pension. And then they'll start on politics, and i'll have to hear about how anyone who doesn't agree with them (like me) is just too stupid to really grasp the complexities, and if I say ANYTHING they'll tell me that I'll understand when I grow up, then when I point out that I'm 37 with a kid graduating from high school and a college degree when several of them didn't even finish high school they'll say 'yeah, but you can't even manage to get a job'. This isn't just my idle fears speaking. This is every Thanksgiving and Christmas I've ever attended with these people. So that's what I'm facing. I love my grandmother, she's totally awesome, but I'd rather spend time with HER, not with her group of friends. And I think part of the reason it's important to her for me to be there is to show off to her friends that her granddaughter visits, so going to visit on another day won't help. What the hell do I do?

Author:	Diamondeye [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Invite some friends, especially single friends with no family to speak of in the area, to your house for Thanksgiving and tell Grandma that you have already made plans. Spend time with Grandma when you don't have to put up with her friends.

Author:	Rynar [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:25 am ]
Post subject:
Tell them you don't have a job because you're saving the positions for men with families.

Author:	LadyKate [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Taamar wrote: And I think part of the reason it's important to her for me to be there is to show off to her friends that her granddaughter visits, so going to visit on another day won't help. I think you've answered it right there....this is important to her. It's one day a year. Suck it up and consider it a gift...a gift of a whole day for your grandmother....pretty inexpensive gift, and I bet it makes her happier than anything you could buy her.

Author:	Vindicarre [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:30 am ]
Post subject:
Heheh, that's what I was going to say, but didn't for fear of coming off like an ***. It sounds much better coming from LK. (Oh, and you can always throw out Rynar's comment when you're fed up.)

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Author:	Taskiss [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:30 am ]
Post subject:
Go a day early and spend the night there or at a hotel, be there when everybody shows up, but leave immediately after they arrive because you "have to be somewhere else for another celebration", like, go celebrate not being where you don't want to be. You get time with your grandmother, her friends see you there and she gets a perfect conversation topic when you are gone.

Author:	Taamar [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re:
Taskiss wrote: Go a day early and spend the night there or at a hotel, be there when everybody shows up, but leave immediately after they arrive because you "have to be somewhere else for another celebration", like, go celebrate not being where you don't want to be. You get time with your grandmother, her friends see you there and she gets a perfect conversation topic when you are gone. Oh, that's an AWESOME idea! And I can help get everything set up and prep food and hang out, but I don't have to suffer HOURS of her friends.

Author:	TheRiov [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:44 am ]
Post subject:
politely excuse yourself from the conversation (or not so politely) if it begins to turn that way.

Author:	Foamy [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:
I was going to agree with LK, but Taskiss' suggestion sounds like the clear winner, especially since it seems to have struck a chord with you.

Author:	Vindicarre [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:
Yeah, but I still think you should throw Rynar's comment in just for giggles.

Author:	Lenas [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:
Seconding Taskiss' idea. Definitely sounds like the best route to go.

Author:	Diamondeye [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Yeah, that actually sounds like a really good idea.

Author:	Sam [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Use superior skills to overcome them. Change the subject, compliment them when they insult you. Ask them about their children/grand children when they ask about your status. Answer a question with a question, or give a completely unrelated answer and smile. Old people are easily confused, and you can have fun with it. I've had to hone skills to deal with my father and in-laws.

Author:	FarSky [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:	A family dilemma
I'm liking the Taskiss Plan.

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Author:	Killuas [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Better plans than I have are above. I would tell them they are a bunch of senile old farts that the world has passed by and get off my case.

Author:	Nevandal [ Fri Nov 11, 2011 4:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: A family dilemma
Taamar wrote: So that's what I'm facing. I love my grandmother, she's totally awesome, but I'd rather spend time with HER, not with her group of friends. And I think part of the reason it's important to her for me to be there is to show off to her friends that her granddaughter visits, so going to visit on another day won't help. What the hell do I do? I'd just be honest. Anyone who has a problem with that isn't worth my time. Though I'd prefer the results from being honest, most people would not. So I can't really give you an honest recommendation.