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Not really a rant...musings
https://gladerebooted.net/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7790		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  TheRiov [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:57 am ]
Post subject:  Not really a rant...musings
Warning: Broad generalizations, based soley on my limited experience.

Typically when a female friend, significant other, or acquaintance has a problem or some traumatic event they want to talk about it. (I think I have "Shoulder to Cry On" tattooed on my head somewhere.) That's fine. I actually like being the guy people come to with problems.

Now, there are generally two responses that people have when someone comes to them with a problem:

"The Guy Thing" - start working like crazy to solve the problem

"The Girl Thing" - start commiserating, listening, and talking about how the problem makes them feel

Now, I've had several women complain to me that they would rather I just listened to them complain about the problem, or commiserate, rather than try to cheer them up, or try to work toward a solution. Over time I've learned that I won't win any points by trying to solve the problem.

But here's the issue: just talking about the problem without discussing the solution may seem cathartic, and maybe it is at first... but beyond a point it becomes wallowing. It actually makes the problem worse, because you're focused on the negative, it reinforces how insurmountable the problem is, and you've expended all your energy just 'crying it out' -- I agree tears can be useful in getting past something, but I really do think the 'male' response to problems is far healthier.
Author:  Taskiss [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not really a rant...musings
TheRiov wrote:
I actually like being the guy people come to with problems.

Here's your problem.

Try being some other guy.
Author:  Elmarnieh [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:28 am ]
Post subject: 
I tell women who come to me crying the first time they do so:

I am a man, I am a problem solver. If you come to me with a problem you need to understand that I will always first attempt to solve the problem. This is how I am wired because this is how men are wired. If this is not what you desire when you come to me with a problem you need to explicitly state what you would like. I will then endeavor to offer what you would like but understand because it is not how I am wired for it it may not be done in the manner, style, or amount you wish.
Author:  Stathol [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not really a rant...musings
Women love EULAs
Author:  Elmarnieh [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:59 am ]
Post subject: 
They can love or not love it. It is how it is.

If a woman expects men to be understanding with how women are especially when they say things like "nothings wrong" or "I am fine". If that woman expect you to always think like they do but refuse and are offended by the suggestion to do the same. Same thing as toilet issue - its easier to look and put the damn thing down (gravity assists you) but it is never on them to take care a special situation created by their need.

Far better to discard women who expect others to modify their behavior to suit themselves then it is to waste time on something that isn't going to work because they are one sided.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:38 am ]
Post subject: 
What's a EULA? End user license agreement...how does that fit? Missing the point :(

I think....if a woman finds someone that will listen to her and "commiserate" they tend to keep coming back, so if you aren't that person, dont do it, or if you care enough about them, to do it, it's a different story. It's hard to find a person who knows you and what you want and need. I might try to vent to someone and if it doest get the response I am seeking, I move on. Can't change people, they are and react the way they do. If you don't like it, move on. Too many people, not just girls, don't take responsibility for making themself happy. They blame. I actually think Elmo is right ;).

Btw, guys like to vent too. I've been told to quit trying to help and just listen before.
Author:  Mookhow [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:43 am ]
Post subject: 
I think Stathol is referring to Elmo's disclaimer as a EULA. ie "if you come to me with your problems, you agree to the fact that I'm a problem solver and I will try to solve your problem"
Author:  Lex Luthor [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:45 am ]
Post subject: 
I never put the toilet seat down unless I am going to sit on it. My female roommate has never asked me to, but if she did I would just say 'no'.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
No ones talking bout toilets again :p

Topic beat to death!
Author:  Stathol [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Kirra wrote:
What's a EULA? End user license agreement...how does that fit? Missing the point :(


Mookhow wrote:
I think Stathol is referring to Elmo's disclaimer as a EULA. ie "if you come to me with your problems, you agree to the fact that I'm a problem solver and I will try to solve your problem"

^ This.

Kirra wrote:
I actually think Elmo is right ;).

Oh, I don't really disagree. "This is who/how I am. You should probably decide now whether that's something you can live with. No hard feelings if it's not" is mostly a good policy. I'm just poking a little fun at how "legalese" it read. More a joke about how it was said than what was said.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yea Stathol! Need more attitude like this in everyone. :)
Author:  Elmarnieh [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why was it stated that "I actually think Elmo is right"? That assumes there is any other option.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lol, so I should have worded that differently? Like...I am in total agreement with Elmo and for the first time I am right?
Author:  FarSky [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not really a rant...musings
Stathol wrote:
Women Ladies love EULAs

Fixed for alliteration.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok...now I have to ask...

What is the def of Lady as opposed to Woman?
Author:  Foamy [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's not you, Kirra.

Elmo is apparently unable to be wrong, so therefore any conclusion he comes to is, by default, the correct one.

You really have to spend time around him to fully understand. I have known him since the early 90s and I am still trying to figure him out.

He really is a tough nut to crack.
(only Elmo, Hannibal, Oonagh and Uncle Fester will see what I did there)

And to explain Mr. Skee's edit...
Quote:
Alliteration (From wiki) - In language, alliteration refers to the repetition of a particular sound in the first syllables of Three or more words or phrases.


Ladies Love EULAs.
Author:  Kirra [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
You are awesome, Foamy :) thank you for explaining!
Author:  Elmarnieh [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Kirra wrote:
Lol, so I should have worded that differently? Like...I am in total agreement with Elmo and for the first time I am right?



Differently but not exactly like that because it is most likely you were agreeing with me and being right in other areas while not aware. Such as air is breathable and the sky appears blue. Those are both correct but I don't believe I've ever stated them for confirmation.
Author:  Lydiaa [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Girls friends are for complaining and whinging.
Guy friends are for fixing issues.

Only exception is if you're dating the guy...
Author:  Hopwin [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Lydiaa wrote:
Girls friends are for complaining and whinging.
Guy friends are for fixing issues.

Only exception is if you're dating the guy...

Funny, that doesn't change if you're dating the girl...
Author:  Lex Luthor [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
What does whinging mean?
Author:  Müs [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Its UK/AUS for Whining.
Author:  Rynar [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not really a rant...musings
Stathol wrote:
Women love EULAs

Gold Standard, sir. Gold Standard.
Author:  Micheal [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
A few years ago I started asking ladies who came tome with problems if they want a solution, or just to vent. If they want a solution I listen and try to help. If they want to vent I usually don't listen too intently.
Author:  Crimsonsun [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re:
Elmarnieh wrote:
I am a man, I am a problem solver. If you come to me with a problem you need to understand that I will always first attempt to solve the problem. This is how I am wired because this is how men are wired. If this is not what you desire when you come to me with a problem you need to explicitly state what you would like. I will then endeavor to offer what you would like but understand because it is not how I am wired for it it may not be done in the manner, style, or amount you wish.


Totally agree with this. I want to FIX whatever is wrong. I have to stop myself from doing that unless I'm specifically asked

Its HARD to do...
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