The Glade 4.0

*Long rant incoming*

Those that have been around here long enough remember this epic thread about the falling out I had with my parents over how to handle our son when he was only 4 months old.

Fast forward to Father's day 2012, (Yes, yesterday) and Oonagh and I are once again on the brink of our sanity with my parents.

Yesterday, we went to my parents house early to give my dad his (undeserved, IMHO) father's day present. Chalk this 4th fathers day up as the first one where HE finally wishes me a Happy Father's day. (Maybe my mom will next year, but after what is coming, I doubt it)

I went into yesterday, ironically enough, with the mindset that I wasn't going to be my usual mute self around them; just biding our time until we can finally leave. We get to the house and immediately my son runs for Nana and attempts to drag her outside to play by the pool (!!!). I rein him in so we can all sit down to have our Bagels, Muffins and coffee for breakfast.

He finishes first and starts begging Nana to take him outside. Oonagh and I ask him (as we have established at home) to wait a little bit until everyone is done. This is not taken well by him because he gets what he wants at Nana's house and never is told to wait or NO, he can't do something. He starts to throw his fit and I threaten him with a time out....To which my mom intervenes and says, "No, he's not going to get a time out." thus undermining any discipline Oonagh or I intend.

Minor, perhaps. It only gets worse.

He finally drags her away to go outside. She and my dad follow him and let him run around on the pool desk (Concrete inground pool) with a plastic watering can. They are by his side as he RUNS to the edge of the pool placing a hand on his shoulder as he comes to a halt right at the edge. My mom can't swim and my dad is going to be 70 next year and has a bad hip. Oonagh and I have told them months ago that if he is to be over their house over the summer, that they both MUST be there since my mom can't swim. They would keep repeating their motto of "Don't worry, nothing will happen." They have listened to our wishes regarding this, since my mom did not take him to babysit last week when my dad wasn't there.

We wondered why she wouldn't take him when she originally told us no, but yesterday the reason why showed up in perfect relief. My mom NEVER says no to my son. She lets him do or play with anything at all, no matter what. Knowing our wishes about the poolyard, she did not want to have him alone when he asked to play by the pool because she would have to tell him NO. Another motto of my mom is "There is no crying/screaming at Nana's house."

Oonagh finally had enough of their lax supervision of him by the pool and intervened. She took him from them and got him to play with a smaller bucket of water from which he could still fill his watering can to water the flowers. Telling my dad that we didn't like how he was running by the pool and asking him if he was going to jump in to get him should he fall in, my dad responded with "Don't worry, nothing is going to happen."

Major, maybe Oonagh and I overreacted, but still a problem based on how they have ZERO control of our son.

Months ago when I dropped my son off at their house for their regular Tues/Thurs babysitting day, I saw him run to a kitchen drawer CHOCK FULL of all manner of utensils (Including Knives and a sharp pizza rolling cutter) Once again, I step up and take him and say that I don't want him playing in the kitchen drawers (Something he does NOT do at home), but because my parents never say no to him he gets to do this on a regular basis at their house. So the next time I drop him off and he goes to the drawer, I AGAIN start to tell him that I don't want him to do this. My mom intervenes and lets me know that all the sharp stuff is out the drawer. As a matter of fact, she regularly brings out the other utensils for him to play with (ladles, spoons spatulas) Fine, I guess. This was the case yesterday as amongst his other toys, this array of utensils if again trotted out by my mother.

As we were all in the living room watching old family movies, my son was playing in the kitchen. Suddenly, he comes running across the kitchen and into our view in the living room with AN 8 INCH CARVING KNIFE!!!!! My heart jumps out of my throat and both Oonagh and I jump up to intervene. I take the knife and take him by the arm and bring him out to the kitchen to sternly tell him how dangerous that was. My mom saunters in and attempts to intervene with Oonagh and I disciplining him with, "Don't holler at him, he knows it was wrong"

Stupid us, we didn't leave then and there. When we did leave, both of us were in perfect agreement. No longer will my parents be able to watch our children without the benefit of either mommy or daddy present. I am in disbelief at what he is able to get away with over there. My mother NEVER tells him no and has absolutely ZERO control of my energetic 3 year old. I was wavering before because I didn't want to throw away free babysitting, but having them as a caregiver for him is now off the table.

This is a culmination of our witnessing how he behaves in their presence. He has no boundaries, he gets what he wants, if not immediately with a quick shout or tantrum. This obviously doesn't fly with mommy and daddy, but it works wonders with his grandparents (My parents, only. Not Oonagh's, they actually discipline him per our requests) I saw my son in danger because of their lenience and had we not been there, no effective correction of the behavior.

I am so mad that my parents don't listen to us when it comes to how we want our child disciplined and let him get away with murder. My mom actually yelled at my dad yesterday for making my son scream...How, you ask? Well Pop-Pop playfully took my son's cookie and pretended to eat it causing him to scream out. She yelled at my dad for making him scream, instead of gently correcting my son for the screaming (as we tend to do at home) Again, minor perhaps, but this is indicative of my mom's mentality of "There is no crying/screaming at Nana's house. She won't ever tell him no or discipline him because it upsets him.

My parents don't control my son when he is over there, he controls them and he knows exactly what he is doing. I am done gambling his safety because they don't want him to yell.

*WHEW* that was a long one, sorry.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Well....

I have to say there's no point in being angry.

You're responsible for your son, and that includes the environment that you place him in. If you're not paying them, it's pretty hard to justify being angry. If they won't handle things the way you want, you need to find other arrangements, which you are obviously doing.

But, being angry can only cause damage, and it's no use. Do what you need to do, but take the emotion out of it if you can. Make sure all boundaries and rules are clear; if they don't want to abide by them, that's fine. It then becomes their choice to not babysit, not your decision. It's a better position for you to be in.

That sucks, though.

Interesting point. May be hard pressed to convince Oonagh of this, but I'll have to see.

I can almost 100% guarantee that, presented as you have described to my parents, they will not see the logic in this. (i.e. Here are our rules, do as we ask. If not, you have chosen not to babysit)

Still figuring how to approach my parents with this, they are so stubborn. Fortunately, there is no babysitting required of them in the near future.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

I think I disagree with Arathain. I think i'd have been a little angry about the situation with the knife.

I don't see this as much about who babysits, as much as it is about the grandparents actively disagreeing with Foamy and Oonagh's insistence that the child not be put in danger (specifically referencing the pool deck and utensil drawer).

That situation with the knife would have pushed me over the edge. If they actively disregard your requests while you are there visiting, I can't imagine they are going to be respectful of them when you aren't there.

At this point, I would not leave the child alone with them, whether it's under the context of babysitting, or just a 'visit'.

Your childs safety is ultimately your responsibility. Do what your instinct as parents tells you to.

I'm sitting here reading all of this stuff but I still can't come up with a justification as to why you are including them in the first place, after the drama that was your last thread.

I'm seriously thinking to myself, "Well, what did he expect‽"

At the time, things were appearing to start to get better between Oonagh and myself, and them. Also free babysitting.

That ship has sailed, there is no salvaging any sort of relationship with them for me and I will not jeopardize my children's safety to save a few bucks.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

The point of babysitting is to have a responsible person in charge of the child, so as to prevent injury or worse to the child in question.

You lament the loss of free "babysitting," but honestly, it doesn't appear that the simple, core idea of "babysitting" is being met. So I'd go so far as to say you're already lacking babysitting for your kid, even while he's with them.

Kick 'em to the curb.

Have you considered telling your mother, "No Grandma, that's a bad Grandma!" and smacking her on the head?

This is addressed equally to Foamy and Shuyung.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

This is exactly the response I expected from Coro.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Take a bottle of water. Squirt them when they get out of line, such as scratch the furniture, climb the drapes, or let your child play with knives.

If only it was this easy. This doesn't even work with my cats.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

mix hydrochloric acid with the water?

Some lemon juice, aim for the eyes.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

I forgot the cherry on the top of this ridiculous story...

On our way out the door, we were looking for my son's sippy cup as he wanted something else to drink. I had remembered seeing it out in the poolyard left there from about 2 hours ago when Oonagh put the kibosh on his exploits out there.

Now it was a nicely sunny warm day and we are now talking about a cup of milk that had been sitting out there for 2 hours. I asked my son what he wanted to drink and he asked for orange juice. I proceeded to open the lid of the cup and pour the contents in the sink, to which I heard my mother in the other room furtively say to my father "Did he just pour out that cup of milk? I just poured that for him? Did he just waste it?" I did not respond in any way, but this is just a further insight into the nutty woman I have the displeasure of having to call my mother.

This is a woman who will gush about the 3 pound bag of green peppers she bought for $1.99 at the local farmer's market, hasn't yet spent a penny on her new granddaughter, rarely buys her first grandchild a new toy, rants about a wasted 8 oz. of milk, but managed to gamble away a fortune including most of my childhood savings. Lets not forget about the Mercedes Benz she used to have before a falling tree branch totalled it, or the fur coats she likes to buy for herself.

When we go to talk to them, I am seriously considering stopping at Wawa and buying a single serving milk chug and plopping it down on the table to make a point.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

/snark on

Why would she need to buy toys when she has a drawer full of kitchen knives for them to play with?

/snark off

Because she has toys that are 30+ years old that I used to play with for him....duh.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Lawn darts? I loved that game!

Don't know why these got such a bad rap as a deadly lawn game. Horseshoes can be just as dangerous and they aren't illegal.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

Oh, I would have flipped out. You can't make "logical" decisions about your own children, despite my advice. Still, I'm just saying that having a good foundation of rules is a good way to avoid confusion. They either agree or they don't.

But, on the other hand, if one of your rules has to be "don't let my 3-year-old play with knives", you might be too far gone.

"You didn't say he couldn't drive the truck!"

"You never said helping us cook meth was off-limits!"

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

I'd just like to take a moment to remind you that every day they're still alive is another day they have to spend your inheritance. Also, old people have brittle bones and might not recover from nasty falls. Not that these points are at all related.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Equally as appropriate, I could say "No Uncle Coro, that's a bad Uncle Coro!" and smack you on the head. Considering you tend to be in the vicinity when the obnoxiousness happens.

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That's the uncle's job, though. Man...the things I've taught my nephew. Best part about being an uncle, imo.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

I would just like to go on the record and point out I bought your son a toy lightsaber so that he wouldn't try to steal yours.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

I've just got to ask, Foamy, were YOU allowed to have milk that was in the sun for 2 hours and to play with kitchen knives at that age.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."