Vanishing on 7th StreetDir. Brad AndersonOccasionally, a trailer will sneak up on me and make me want to watch its film, against my better judgment. This happens most commonly with horror films, because a high concept is sexy and easy to sell with some flashy shots and strong music. Correspondingly, horror films have statistically the highest chance of disappointing me, as they’re generally handled by untalented people from a hackwork script that managed to have a semi-interesting hook that spurred the whole thing in the first place.
VANISHING ON 7TH STREET is one of those trailers. Much like SEASON OF THE WITCH, I saw the trailer, and despite being absolutely sure that the ensuing film would be crap (though SEASON OF THE WITCH was entertaining crap), I wanted to see the film.
Lo and behold, I was rummaging about for an online rental in iTunes, and what should appear but VANISHING ON 7TH STREET, one of those “see-it-before-it-hits-theaters.” And so I figured “what the hell.”
Let me pause for a moment to let you in on my expectations for this film at this point. Here you a film that is A) high-concept American horror, B) going to be released in the late-winter no-man’s land of theatrical releases, and C) now saddled with the stigma of being a “preview” film (historically, a dumping ground for movies expected to be unprofitable). And so my expectations are, at this point, past rock-bottom. They hit rock bottom and then iTunes threw them a backhoe to keep going.
That’s got to be a good sign for the film, right? I’m going into this film with utterly no expectations, negative ones, in fact, so it may reflect positively on the film itself. And the one possible ray of sunshine is that it’s directed by Brad Anderson, whose works SESSION 9 and THE MACHINIST I’ve never seen, but have garnered respectable marks. “So maybe it’s not a total loss...maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised,” I think.
This is why I’m not a day trader, folks. My optimism gets the better of me.
For the non-judgmental part of this review (the recounting of the film itself), I’m just going to rely on trusty old Wikipedia:
“A mysterious, seemingly global blackout causes countless amounts of people to simply vanish into thin air, leaving only their clothes and possessions behind. As more and more people disappear, so does daylight, forcing a small handful of survivors to band together in an abandoned, dimly-lit bar on Detroit, Michigan's 7th Street, struggling to combat the apocalyptic threat. Realizing they may in fact be the last people on Earth, the darkness begins to hone in on them alone. As the situation worsens, they know one thing for sure, that only the diminishing light sources can keep them safe.”
Basically what we wind up with is a film version of the flawed-but-excellent Xbox 360 game ALAN WAKE, wherein shadows are evil and wanting to eat you and light keeps them at bay. Hell, even that’s a Good Thing...ALAN WAKE was a fantastically terrifying and atmospheric experience, probably the best evocation of the Stephen King milieu to date, despite not even being based on a King work. This is that, but set in a city, so...same thing, right?
No. No no no, a world of no. The script is utterly, amazingly, worthy-of-academic-discussion BAD. The characters are ill-drawn with the exception of being so completely unlikable as to render any other point to be made of them moot. Anderson takes an inherently scary premise and so completely bungles the atmosphere, pacing and dread as to sap all terror from it, leaving the whole mess to flail about in an unintentionally hilarious manner.
The disappearances of everyone turn out to be less horrifying and more groan-inducing (or outright silly). I don’t mean the reason for the disappearances, mind you...I mean the disappearances themselves. Even the death (or whatever) at the climax of the film is played with a sort of “well...whoops!” attitude. I cannot possibly believe this to be intentional.
Back to that reason for the disappearances...well, in short, there is none. None of this is explained. None of this is even given a quasi-explanation in the form of dramatic irony, aside from a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to the utterly nonsensical ideas of dark matter and Roanoke (are we still dredging out that hoary old “mystery” as horror fodder?). Don’t misunderstand...I’m certainly not one who requires a complete and total explanation in a film. To the contrary, I love films that suggest rather than show, invite imagination and thought rather than lay bare all of the secrets. But this half-baked script offers absolutely, utterly NOTHING.
That’s certainly not the only problem with this script. Characters say and do things apropos of nothing and make incredibly stupid decisions (to a degree, part and parcel of horror films, but these are actions of exceptional stupidity), pacing and action are completely arbitrary, and there’s no resolution, be it actual or thematic, to be found.
I didn’t mention the performances because they were uniformly terrible. So, that’s as much mention as they deserve.
This is a completely useless film. It won’t even service the facile demand of those looking for jump scares. It certainly won’t make anyone think after the credits have rolled, except for perhaps what else they could have purchased with their wasted ticket money.
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