The Glade 4.0

They were discussing this on the radio morning show the other day and it made me laugh

What behaviors make you prejudge a person as a douchebag before you have heard more than a few words?

One they listed was the Egocentric douchebag. This is the person that tops everything you say and anything you say is used as a chance to talk about themself.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

The main thing that I define douchebaggery by (before I have heard them say much, or anything at all) is how a person expresses themselves non-verbally in public.

Body language/clothing and accessory choices for example. If someone walks around playing like they own the world, trying to look like Don Johnson with Joe Cool sunglasses (indoors I might add), chances are high that they are a vessel for holding vinegar and water.

Now, appearances can be deceiving, of course.

There was this one girl in college I had classes with that always walked around all prim and proper with her nose literally in the air all the time. I thought to myself "Woop! Woop! Woop! Stuck up ***** Alert!" Then I actually talked to her one day, and she turned out to be really nice.

Being selfish.

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Speaking volume always on high, even in "quiet zones" like libraries and cube farms.

Speech that is punctuated with fake laughter the way some people online seem incapable of typing a sentence without tacking "LOL" on the end of it.

And if I hold the door for someone who's just a couple of steps away from it as I'm going through, and that person fails to reach out and "take the handoff" despite having at least one free hand with which they could do so, that person gets the douchebag label from me.

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

Treating waiters/waitresses, maids and janitorial staff as if they are beneath them - instant d-bag.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

I honestly never think of that word in any context. I'm one that categorizes folks as those with whom I would associate with and those I wouldn't, and the harshest thing I may think or say is calling someone a "jerk". Unless they're driving a car, then I ramp up to "prick" on the rare occasion where it's applicable.

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In time, this too shall pass.

If he mentions his car or his gym within the first 5 minutes he's a douchebag (unless there's an obvious conversational reason to do so, of course).

Wearing a faux-hawk or stupid "I shave but try to look like I don't" stubble.

Driving a Prius...

There is a remarkable similarity between that picture and the avatar in your signature image.

Hmm, that causes a bit of a situation...

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Holy shitsnacks!

I agree, my avatar looks like a faggot too.

Tends to be my M.O. as well.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

People that, upon learning what you do, immidiately need to give their opinion on how you could do better at it, or have some vaguely-negative thing that happened with someone else who does the same thing at some point and want you to tell them they were in the right.

Teacher? They need to give their opinion on education in the first 5 minutes you meet them

Plumber? They want to tell you how many joints they sweated in the last year.

Grocery store worker? They need to tell you how dissatisfied they are with grocery store service at soem chain that you never heard of before.

Double points if they have no experience whatsoever with what you do:

i.e. You're a mechanic and they've never put together so much as a LEGO set

Triple points if they think their experience is irrelevant or out-of date but they don't grasp this. Quadruple if its both!

i.e. You just got comissioned int he Navy as a submariner officer, and they've got advice for you based on their experience as an infantryman in the Army in the Korean War.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

George Takei thinks it's when you encourage gay kids to commit suicide.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

That is indeed some serious douchebaggery, but I don't see it occuring upon meeting someone new too frequently.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Other than that... do they act like me? Yes... douchebag.
Do they act like me? no... douchebag

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Oh, yes. So much this.

I can't stand those ****. Especially the ones that put it at the beginning AND the end of the sentence.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

LOL lol (lol)

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Holy shitsnacks!

People who brag about the stupid **** they did while drunk, with the implication that you are either less of a person or wasting your life by not doing the same. No, I do not care what you almost shot with your Desert Eagle after you had two pints of Captain Morgan. I have no idea why you think this incident should be the number one thing you relate to me fifteen minutes after I've first met you.

I laughed that over a million images came up for douchebag on google image search in .17 seconds. It would appear that a douchebag is anyone who does not agree with what you agree with.

Popped collars.

We have a new guy at work that constantly talks about his work-out and how he's made of steel and about boning "*****" or "whores." He bores the **** out of me and is a total d-bag.

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"...the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

People who wear/do things "ironically"...

I can't believe I forgot them.

60 degrees out and wearing a scarf.

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Holy shitsnacks!