The Glade 4.0

Been finding myself in a weird position lately where I've gotta be strong for everyone else. There's no time to cry, can't cry around others, gotta keep moving, be optimistic and positive, set a good example, keep everyone else from falling apart, etc.

I can cry on Nitefox' shoulder every once in awhile but I've got to be careful about that too because he is grieving as well even if he doesn't cry and I can tell that it bothers him when I'm upset.

So how do macho guys deal with their emotions without crying and stuff? I see guys do it all the time....compartmentalizing or something I think its called.

Aside from starting to drink massive quantities of beer and taking up farting and scratching my genitalia as a hobby, how can I continue to do this like the big dudes do? Because falling apart right now is really not an option.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Explosions, fire, big trucks, and rare steak.

More helpfully, I'm not self-aware enough to really know, or if I do at some level, it's not at a conscious enough level to verbalize it. I'm going to go with "different people are wired differently" as a valid answer here.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Keep bottling it up til it boils over in the form of raw, blinding anger. Works for me and my family. You can occassionally vent with sarcasm and biting commentary.

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Not sure I'd consider myself "macho" but here's what I do.

Basically, I withdraw a bit and go into my "cave". That cave can be any number of things, but mostly it's somewhere that I can be alone and process what's going on. Usually there is some alcohol involved to loosen up a bit, maybe get drunk, but that's not the main purpose.

While I'm alone, I'm generally doing something that I enjoy doing that is also an escape. Gaming, reading, motorcycle riding or maintenance are all things I've done to distract me from what's going on.

What's actually going on is that I'm driving the issue into my subconcious a bit, where my head is getting wrapped around what happened and learning how to accept it.

Usually after a bit of doing that, then I'm ready to talk to someone about it. Then I usually try and grab my best friend and go grab a beer somewhere and vent a bit.

Good luck, and so sorry again that you're having to go through this again.

It's really just a psychological difference. If you don't already think of things like a guy, there's no switch you can hit to change that.

I don't intentionally keep my feelings on the inside, it just happens most of the time. It's not due to some perception that people will look at me differently otherwise. Whenever I have a problem, I just try to calm down and find some quiet time. Rationalize how everything might already be okay, or make a plan in my head about how to make things okay.

A lot of people are problem solvers. If a problem solver can find a way to make something right, that's what they focus on. No time for emotions on the job, y'know?

I did enough of that last year and have the holes in the walls to prove it. Not a pretty sight.

Aizle, so what you're saying basically is that I need a mancave.
That's actually not a bad idea....I really don't get any "alone" time at all.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

I cry...in private where no one can see me.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

The "mancave" is more a facilitator. It's the alone time that's important. If you can accomplish that by long walks in a park, that works too. One of the reasons I like motorcycling is that you're basically isolated from most everything except riding. Can't really talk to anyone, answer the cell, etc. It's almost enforced meditation.

Yes, but get one of these:


Instead of a sport bike.

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Holy shitsnacks!

I think it really boils down to this....

fiund a fuurry woodland creature or a feathered marshland creature. Shoot it and rejoice.

That is my guess. I am not all that into the macho stuff.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

The bottling up of emotion does not work in the long run. It isolates you from other people, when you need them most. I know this from personal experience.

Do I have any great recommendations? Not really. But we are here and can listen.

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Memento Vivere

I have local knowledge.
That sandbar was not there yesterday!

Catharsis > Repression.

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Holy shitsnacks!

I think I'm emotionally constipated.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Get a heavy bag, and some gloves and punch it out.

Primal Scream therapy is good too

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Holy shitsnacks!

I run. Push weights. And do it till its all I focus on. Listening to music on the edge of euphoria and on the edge of craziness at the same time.

Basically, I push my brain to the edge, and eventually, if I dont stop it goes into a zone where I can just carry on.

run for a couple hours and then you just feel kind of peaceful and zoned after your body says '****, I guess you need to just carry on then'



And every so often I'd hit inanimate objects. Been a long time though and it was never regular ;-p

I try to turn frustration into innovation.

If there's something that is regularly causing me pain, grief, frustration then I can find a way around it, or find a way to deal with it. Or just to accept it.

If it's something from the past, then I try to use rational mental compartmentalization- it hurt, but it has already happened, and focusing on it does nothing but make it hurt more. I'm not talking about denying things happened, I'm talking about accepting them and moving past them- learning what you can from them, and then realizing that nothing you can do now will change what happened then.

It's part of the mindset of realizing that there is only so much you can do to effect your circumstances... All other gains come from changing how you react to the circumstances they are in. When you can accept where you are, and just try to move on from there, it gets better.

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Darksiege: You are not a god damned vulcan homie.

I'm not the macho type either..

But..I have tried the bottle it up and pack it away route, works for a bit, then when it surfaces, it's worse. Talking about things to people that care about you seems to help me, someone that will just listen and not try to solve anything. Of course, there are good and bad days. Take one day at a time and just keep moving forward. Some days it's only 2 steps forward, other days it's yards.

You need to find some you time though, some place you can be alone and work through it by yourself. The combination of companionship and alone time will help you get through this tough fresh grieving period.

If you need a listening ear, lemme know. I've been so lucky to have help from you all.

Hugs Kate

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

I'm nowhere near macho, never really wanted to be. There is however this thing called cowboy up, alternately man up, and it basically deals with not letting the world, or rather certain people in the world know they can hurt you.

Don't cry, don't *****, don't react. Be the rock, be the island. If they never see you react to their hurtful noise they will either stop or embarrass the hell out of themselves by trying to get you to react. Being an ******* may have a certain rep building cachet, being an ineffective ******* makes them appear stupid, petty, and belligerent. Loss of face means they'll start leaving you alone, usually.

When it is the world smacking you around, well, look up the definition of stoic, and the roots of the philosophy that created the attitude.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

It's like dealing with a cough, you just wait it out.

Best non-macho advice I can give is that you schedule time for your emotions, and the rest of the time you just keep too busy. I start to get sniffly and remind myself that it's not That Time yet, and I get on with my day. I find that not naming the thing that hurts (outside of the allotted time) helps me keep the emotions in check. I can handle anything as long as I don't have to tell the story.

I'd ask why you feel the need to be strong for everyone else? What if you don't?

As to the "macho guys" all I can say is, I save it for when its time to deal with it. Most of the time I don't have time to worry about bottling anything up or not; I've got other stuff that needs to get done.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

LK you need to find yourself some time and a place where you can let it out...scream, cry, curse, punch a wall or something. Let it out!! You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others!!

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

Yeah...I issploded Friday night. Ooops. Oh well I tried, eh?
Feel much better though. Thanks for all the suggestions and advice...I'm sure I'll be using all of it over the next few months.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

We are here. Rant as needed.

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Memento Vivere

I have local knowledge.
That sandbar was not there yesterday!

/wrist

Oh wait...

Working out, playing a FPS does wonders for me.

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Raell Kromwell