The Glade 4.0

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:16 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

Also, I need my nails done so if you're in the area at any point...

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:22 am 
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Sweet! Mani-Pedi time!! Catch up on the Kardashians and Sister Wives before I come over so we have something to talk about. (But really, we'll just be gossiping about everyone on the Glade *shhhhh!*)

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:25 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
Sweet! Mani-Pedi time!! Catch up on the Kardashians and Sister Wives before I come over so we have something to talk about. (But really, we'll just be gossiping about everyone on the Glade *shhhhh!*)

Do you do cuticles? Also, unrelated question, what are cuticles?

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:28 am 
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I have no idea what they are but I can do them. *soaks Hop's feet and cuticles in warm wax*
"Psssst! So...did you hear? Somebody in hellfire smacked someone else over the head repeatedly with a dictionary?? I have it on good authority too that they got pimp slapped and someone got burrrrrned! Swear, hand to God, Betty Sue says she saw the whole thing go down!"

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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:09 am 
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Since I was actually in a live-in triad for a few years I figure I'll chime in on LK's question. Shel pretty much answered for our pairing.


Lady Kate wrote:
but what is that like?

It was like living with two people I love very much instead of one. It was also three incomes in the household instead of two, and an odd number to break ties when voting happened. And if one of us was deeply involved in something there were still two of us to hang out. And when one was upset to hugs are better than one.


Lady Kate wrote:
If there is sexual activity, must all parties be involved? If two of you want to have sex without the third, can you go into a bedroom and close the door and the third has to respect your privacy?

Every polyamorous/open relationship has its own rules. Ours was pretty fluid on the sex front. We each had our own room so if Gary and Julie wanted to get it on they went to one of their rooms. Or sometimes it was me and Gary. Or me and Julie. And sometimes it was all three of us. And when it was only two the third was generally OK with it. When he wasn't (it was generally Gary feeling left out) he'd knock on the door and we'd say 'come in' or 'girl time'.


Lady Kate wrote:
Does jealousy come into play?

Sure, but that's not the big deal everyone makes it out to be. Healthy relationships deal with negative emotions in the same way, no matter the number of participants. The person feeling the emotion says "I'm feeling this, and I don't like it. It happens when you do this thing. I'm working on my feelings because I know they are my responsibility, but could you be sensitive about it for a while?" and the other person says, "I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I'll do what I can to help you work through it."

Did you grow up with siblings? More than one? Once the sexual element is removed the dynamics are the same. Do parents decide not to have any more kids because there might be jealousy? Not usually... they expect that the children will learn to handle those feelings and be enriched by the experience. Why should adults be any less capable?



As Shel said, we're open but neither of us is currently involved with anyone else, and we're open to a live-in third, but we're not actively looking, and she'd have to be pretty damn special. We're happy as a couple, and it would be nice to have one more person to share that with. Any more questions? I don't mind talking about it, and you can message me if you have anything you don't want to be seen asking.


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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:14 am 
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Sounds pretty good, Kate...

My resume:

1. Really bad nails and cuticles (I bite my nails :(. ) vastly in need of manicure.

2. Good at gossip...psssst did you hear that Müs is incredibly sweet?

3. Really enjoying The Tudors

4. Love to talk non-stop (this might be a negative..dunno)

5. I can bandage a wound, set a broken leg, am ACLS certified, and not grossed out by pretty much anything.

6. I can use a microwave...but cooking is not a forte.

7. I don't take up much space, 5'2" 106 lb, but I'm strong!

8. I can drive a stick shift.

9. I'm pretty good at laundry, but don't really like the folding and putting away stage.

10. I can give mani/pedi's and lots of irish hugs! ;)


:D

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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:16 am 
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Kirra wrote:
Sounds pretty good, Kate...

My resume:

1. Really bad nails and cuticles (I bite my nails :(. ) vastly in need of manicure.

2. Good at gossip...psssst did you hear that Müs is incredibly sweet?

3. Really enjoying The Tudors

4. Love to talk non-stop (this might be a negative..dunno)

5. I can bandage a wound, set a broken leg, am ACLS certified, and not grossed out by pretty much anything.

6. I can use a microwave...but cooking is not a forte.

7. I don't take up much space, 5'2" 106 lb, but I'm strong!

8. I can drive a stick shift.

9. I'm pretty good at laundry, but don't really like the folding and putting away stage.

10. I can give mani/pedi's and lots of irish hugs! ;)


:D


Too late, I already stepped into the girlfriend role. Go find someone else :P

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:18 am 
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Let Kate decide :p

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:18 am 
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Taamar: That actually sounds pretty cool. Of course, I can't help but wonder why aren't more people doing it?
I guess for most of us we can't get past the ideas of what our religious beliefs say about the subject, the sexual jealousy aspect, and the "what would people think" aspect.
I grew up with a lot of siblings and in high school lived in a group home with 15 other girls. Watching the show "Sister Wives" is fun for me because I can almost imagine what it would be like.
I've never done any sort of 3 way encounter or because everything that I have heard from everyone who has done it insists that it destroys the relationship. But if you go into it as more than just a sexual encounter and an actual 3 person relationship? That sounds intriguing.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:18 am 
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Kirra, Hop, in the spirit of the OP....*giggle* let's just all play together, eh? ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:19 am 
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Hopwin wrote:
Kirra wrote:
Sounds pretty good, Kate...

My resume:

1. Really bad nails and cuticles (I bite my nails :(. ) vastly in need of manicure.

2. Good at gossip...psssst did you hear that Müs is incredibly sweet?

3. Really enjoying The Tudors

4. Love to talk non-stop (this might be a negative..dunno)

5. I can bandage a wound, set a broken leg, am ACLS certified, and not grossed out by pretty much anything.

6. I can use a microwave...but cooking is not a forte.

7. I don't take up much space, 5'2" 106 lb, but I'm strong!

8. I can drive a stick shift.

9. I'm pretty good at laundry, but don't really like the folding and putting away stage.

10. I can give mani/pedi's and lots of irish hugs! ;)


:D


Too late, I already stepped into the girlfriend role. Go find someone else :P


As mentioned, Shel and I have a spot available.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:20 am 
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ROFL! Good point, Taamar! :D
Dang Hop, now we need to find a third...

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:23 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
I guess for most of us we can't get past the ideas of what our religious beliefs say about the subject, the sexual jealousy aspect, and the "what would people think" aspect.

I think it's also that most relationships in our society start out as dyads, and once people have a solid relationship, they're probably reluctant to risk it by changing the dynamic.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:27 am 
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Hmmm you are an awsome cook too, Taamar...

;)

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:29 am 
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Taamar wrote:
Any more questions? I don't mind talking about it, and you can message me if you have anything you don't want to be seen asking.

I think we're all gonna need an in-depth analysis of girl/girl sex from the female perspective. Please use lots of adjectives.

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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:29 am 
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RangerDave wrote:
LadyKate wrote:
I guess for most of us we can't get past the ideas of what our religious beliefs say about the subject, the sexual jealousy aspect, and the "what would people think" aspect.

I think it's also that most relationships in our society start out as dyads, and once people have a solid relationship, they're probably reluctant to risk it by changing the dynamic.


Funny about the religious beliefs, Kate; multiple wives was the norm for much of the Bible. And the original Tamar certainly got around. And I think Dave is right... most start as dyads, and if you think about how hard it is to find one compatible partner for one person, imagine trying to find a second partner who works with both of you. And in a dyad there is only one relationship... a triad has four. Four relationships, and managing one is hard enough!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:29 am 
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Kirra wrote:
Hmmm you are an awsome cook too, Taamar...

;)


I hear she does wonderful things with tomatoes....

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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:31 am 
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I wouldn't last a week in an open relationship. My insecurities would have a field day.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:32 am 
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Kirra wrote:
Hmmm you are an awsome cook too, Taamar...

;)


And Shel does massage. just sayin'.


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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:32 am 
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Taamar wrote:
RangerDave wrote:
LadyKate wrote:
I guess for most of us we can't get past the ideas of what our religious beliefs say about the subject, the sexual jealousy aspect, and the "what would people think" aspect.

I think it's also that most relationships in our society start out as dyads, and once people have a solid relationship, they're probably reluctant to risk it by changing the dynamic.


Funny about the religious beliefs, Kate; multiple wives was the norm for much of the Bible. And the original Tamar certainly got around. And I think Dave is right... most start as dyads, and if you think about how hard it is to find one compatible partner for one person, imagine trying to find a second partner who works with both of you. And in a dyad there is only one relationship... a triad has four. Four relationships, and managing one is hard enough!


Excellent points. But along with the difficulties of maintaining so many relationships also comes the "never a dull moment" and no one is ever lonely, right?
I'd be interested in hearing more about the biblical aspect...I seem to recall a few stories. Didn't God even condone Abraham's second wife?
I seem to remember stories of second wives being ok but coveting someone elses wife was a HUGE sin? And nowhere do I remember reading anything about having more than one wife being a no-no.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:37 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
I've never done any sort of 3 way encounter or because everything that I have heard from everyone who has done it insists that it destroys the relationship. But if you go into it as more than just a sexual encounter and an actual 3 person relationship? That sounds intriguing.


And a lot depends on what's going on in the pairing. 3 ways don't always destroy the relationship even if it's just a sexual encounter, if the relationship is stable, both partners are actually interested and cool with it, and the third isn't looking to create drama it works just fine. It's just that that's a fairly rare scenario.


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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:48 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
Excellent points. But along with the difficulties of maintaining so many relationships also comes the "never a dull moment" and no one is ever lonely, right?

Surely there were lonely moments even in a group home with 15 other girls? I've come to find that loneliness and alone really have nothing to do with one another. Loneliness is more an internal emptiness than an external lack of companionship. In any case, I'm not trying to paint this as a perfect lifestyle for everyone.

LadyKate wrote:
I'd be interested in hearing more about the biblical aspect...I seem to recall a few stories. Didn't God even condone Abraham's second wife?
I seem to remember stories of second wives being ok but coveting someone elses wife was a HUGE sin? And nowhere do I remember reading anything about having more than one wife being a no-no.

Wives were property. You weren't supposed to covet ANY of your neighbors belongings. And the rules were pretty lose for women who weren't of your religion, too. And interestingly, while there's a bit about homosexuality there's nothing at all condemning female homosexuality; guy-on-guy is wasted seed, but girl-on-girl is just good clean fun. And anyway, you can rape 'em if they're too into their sisters to we willing.

Its seriously worth reading the Bible with an eye for this sort of thing. Says the Pagan.


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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:48 am 
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Mookhow wrote:
I wouldn't last a week in an open relationship. My insecurities would have a field day.


I have thought about this aspect as well, Mook. My insecurities, combined with my over-active imagination could really be a hindrance.

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 Post subject: Re: Polygamy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:06 pm 
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LadyKate wrote:
Mookhow wrote:
I wouldn't last a week in an open relationship. My insecurities would have a field day.


I have thought about this aspect as well, Mook. My insecurities, combined with my over-active imagination could really be a hindrance.



We've struggled with that a bit too. The conclusion I eventually came to is that it's even more of an ego stroke when someone knows exactly what ALL the options are and still chooses to live his life with me. "You're my favourite person in the whole world" means a lot when I know the sample size!


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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:48 pm 
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Taamar wrote:
Kirra wrote:
Hmmm you are an awsome cook too, Taamar...

;)


And Shel does massage. just sayin'.


Massage? Dang...

Would my incessant talking be a detriment?

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