The Glade 4.0

Fact: My child has a problem sitting still, staying on task, and being quiet during school.
Fact: According to a professional child behavior therapist, my son does not exhibit any of the classic signs of ADD/ADHD
Fact: My child is very bright
Fact: My child makes straight A's
Fact: My child does not steal, swear, hit, or otherwise physically disrespect either his teacher or classmates.

Yet, he is still being referred to the school's "Tier Three Behavior Intervention Program" where they hope to assign him "a behavior interventionist."

For the past month, my son has gotten written up almost every single day for such things as "rolling his eyes" and "breaking a pencil in half" which they wrote down as "outright defiance and disrespect." He raised his voice to another kid and told the other kid to "shut up" (he said the other kid picks on him alot and the teacher ignores it...but I take that with a grain of salt, he was probably frustrated because the other kid kept repeating "be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet" over and over) and the teacher wrote him up and gave him in school suspension for "screaming and yelling at other students in the classroom."

I am fully aware that my child has *some* behavioral issues, but not to the extent that they are claiming. I think there is an element here of my son being singled out and labeled and they are trying to pass him in through the system just as quickly as they can by documenting EVERYTHING and "trying to show a repeated pattern of mis-behavior."

I have spoken with the teacher, and thought things were going to go well, as she seemed very nice, but she thinks my son needs to be medicated. (Her son is medicated.) I spoke to the assistant principal, who also thinks my son should be medicated (his son is medicated), and I have tried to explain that the process that they are using (singling out the student, putting him in all day in-school suspension which takes him out of the classroom, and assigning him a "behavior interventionist" to follow him around school) is not going to fix the problem, it's going to make it worse by separating him from his peers and damaging his self-esteem to the point where he is just not going to care anymore.

Even though my son is bright, because of all this teacher/administration escalation and discipline, my son is already stressed out....how long before the frustration that he "can do no right" catches up with him and he stops performing well on tests?

My son misbehaved on Friday and his dad came to paddle him at school, and came to the house to paddle him again afterwards. The assistant principal knew this, but for some reason decided to give him ISS today, nearly 6 days later and after 2 days of excellent behavior in the classroom....I'm pretty sure they wanted to keep an un-broken chain of documentation...which is why, even after I informed the school in writing, that I had an appointment for my son with a professional to rule out ADD/ADHD and come up with our OWN behavioral plan, they went ahead and made a referral to community counseling ANYWAY. I think they were doing that for their documentation chain, even though, when I confronted the assistant principal about that today he told me it was an error on his part.

I think the teacher and the assistant principal are dead set on whatever the ultimate goal is of this "behavior intervention" is, I can assure you that whatever it is it is not in the best interest of my child as they like to claim. If they were, then they would listen to the behavioral plan that the professional outlined for us, which means if my son is THAT disruptive at school, send him to the office and I or his father (who live 2 minutes away) will come and paddle him. Send home his behavior check-list every day and we will discipline or reward him accordingly. They are not giving us a chance to do anything on our own, as parents, they are attempting to take the entire matter into their own hands.

I'm not sure exactly what to do here, but I called to set up an appointment to talk to the Principal, and I'm hoping that he is somewhat more reasonable.

Advice?

PS---His teacher has been known to be a tad controlling, according to some of the other teachers....I saw her at church one week and smiled and said hi and asked if Taylor did well that day and she smiled and said yes. That week, on one of the administrative write-ups, she listed that interaction as "contact with the parent" regarding his behavior.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Take them out of the public school and homeschool them? I know you were considering it before, and this fits in quite nicely with your "what do I do now" questions about direction in life.

I think there are a great many bright kids that just don't do well in a one-size fits all education system- they're energetic, and need to develop self control, but they also just need a chance to get out and run around every few hours to burn off a little energy.

They can be disruptive by asking too many questions, but they can also learn a lot by having those questions answered.

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Darksiege: You are not a god damned vulcan homie.

Neph, I am so struggling with that right now...it would solve a lot of problems for both my son and I, but my concern is that if my child and I can't learn to handle bad authority now, how will he deal with it later in life?
Don't think I haven't given it quite a bit of thought though. I haven't quite crossed it off the list of options yet.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Don't look over here for advice. My teacher moved my desk to the coat closet in 3rd grade so my constant activity would stop distracting other students.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Yeah, my son's teacher already did that...she moved him to what she calls "an island" where his desk is far apart from everyone else. She groups the students desks together in teams of 4 or 5. She moved him back to a group after I pointed out that she was assigning classwork and regular work that had to be done in a group and my son was disadvantaged by not being allowed to be part of a group.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

What grade is he in? How are the schools broken up in your area?

I'm assuming he's in 4th or 5th grade, and that your area follows a k-5, 6-8, 9-12 scheme. Maybe you want to consider home-schooling him for a year or two just to keep him out of that elementary school. He can go back in the 6th grade when he'd be in a different school with a different administration.

I also notice a lot of you talking to the school administration. Have you considered Nitefox having a few words with the principal instead?

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Coro, he is in 4th grade. Our local school system does k-3, 4-5, 6-8, and then 9-12.
Unfortunately, the administration is the same since it's such a small school district. We are no longer in the city schools that we were in a couple years ago, we moved to a suburb and they have the same Principal for all grades.
I have an appointment tomorrow to speak with the principal, so I'll go from there.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

If you want him to learn how to deal with bad authority, let him wait until he's a bit older, and can deal with it on his own terms.

Right now, he's not the one dealing with bad authority- you are. He's just caught in the middle, really.

Coro's suggestion of trying it for a few years is also a good one. My parents originally started me in 7th grade as a trial basis- the school I'd been going to had shut down, and there weren't any other good middle schools. So we figured we could homeschool 7th and 8th grade, and then I could go back to high school in the 9th. But things worked out really well, and I stayed homeschooled all the way through.

When it comes to learning how to deal with bad authority/people, etc.... I'd recommend homeschooling coupled with a job. It's amazing how many more job options open up when you can work during normal working hours in the week. I worked 20-30 hours per week at a local vets office from 9th grade on, and it was some of the best life experience I've had yet- several different bosses, being held completely accountable for any mistakes I made, and a lot of good skills. Not to mention college savings.

Alternately, I had friends who worked with mechanics, plumbers, electricians, etc- and got great skills and experiences there. None of us could have had the jobs or work experience we ended up with if we hadn't been homeschooled.

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Darksiege: You are not a god damned vulcan homie.

Every school district, regardless of size, has the same superintendent and whatever flunkies working in that office. That isn't the administration I'm referring to.

Does the K-3 school have the same principal as the 4-5 school and the 6-8 school? Does the assistant principal who's giving you so much grief also perform assistant principal duties at the 6-8 school?

In two years, he could be going to a different school with a different principal - one that doesn't have a bug up his or her *** about you and your son.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

I can only suggest what I've done about this, which is exactly what my parents did...

Your sons problems are his, right up to the point where you're asked to be involved.

At that point, since he's not been able to contain the issue, he needs to submit to your solution for the issue, no matter what it is. If he wants to come up with a solution, that's fine... but since his solution hasn't worked and you've been engaged, well, he gets no say in the matter from this point forward. As I've said to my kids (more than once) "You take care of your ****, 'cause you don't want ME taking care of it. You didn't care about how I feel about getting a call from your school to get involved, so I don't care about how that involvement makes you feel", then I enforce the rules set forth by the school, 'cause the bottom line is, that's the only thing that's going to fly unless you take responsibility of his education yourself.

That's not to say I support medicating anyone, that's not going to happen. Kids have to learn to deal without any "little helpers".

To a certain degree, you always have to treat kids as adults. Trouble they get into, they have to get out of. Get involved, but don't interfere. I'd insist he follow the rules of the school. He's got to learn to deal with stupidity at some point in his life, and if anyone has any solution on how to get what they want out of life without having to play the game with stupid people I'd sure like them to put out a newsletter.

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In time, this too shall pass.

Have the teacher give him other tasks to do to help with his energy level until it is to a point that he is able to manage it alone. I don't know how many kids are diagnosed "ADHD" at your school be we have tons, "diagnosed" actually more like mislabeled here. Some teachers are all about the medication. I am more of the redirecting and harnessing their energy without meds. You know sometimes a simple walk to the water fountain is enough of a release that will help them focus when they come back. Have you tried a positive behavior plan? I have tons of those on my computer if you would like me to send the doc to you? You earn points for a particular reward, free time, etc. througout the week. I have a child who has Aspergers, but is gifted in my room, and she has a lot of energy where we use a similar plan with her to keep her focused on her work. Works well actually she earns "Task Passes" and is able to go help the Gifted teacher with projects throughout the day if she earns them from the week prior. She uses them when she feels overwhelmed and leaves the room for about 5-10 minutes until she feels comfortable enough to rejoin the class. It really is all in her control.

Hope this helps

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

I think you need to take the bull by the horns and confront the principle or the superintendent with exactly what you've shown here.

You have to call all of the documentation into question. Do not accept any large piles of documentary chain; if they try to bring it out simply point out that their "documentation" is what's in question and they cannot use that same documentation as evidence that it's all legit.

Tell them that any further suspensions, in school or out, or disciplinary action that involves documentation, intervention, or behavioral anything at all is unacceptable until they can establish to your satisfaction that there is a legitimate reason for it, and that things like breaking pencils are not "outright defiance", and the fact that anyone would describe it as such calls their basic competence into question.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Oonagh, that would be fabulous, thank you. I was hoping you'd put your two cents in.
From what the teacher said, it sounded like at the beginning of school she was open to options like that and had asked me for suggestions and her and I talked at length. I'm not sure where it went wrong, but after we had our parent teacher conference and she suggested medication and I informed her I would make an appointment for my son to be evaluated, everything escalated after that and it was one documentation form after another saying that they were trying to establish a pattern.
I spoke with my son today and told him that he needed to do some butt-kissing in class and that his primary job was to keep his teacher happy and do whatever she said as soon as she says it, or he would find himself in Alternative school, which is where this is probably all headed if we don't stop it.
I feel like with our therapist's evaluation and her saying that it was most likely due to his brain working faster than other kid's and getting bored too easily, and with our behavior and discipline plan, that the school needs to cooperate with us instead of just trying to write him off...it's seems like once they realized it wasn't an easy fix, they want to just fast-track him to out of the classroom.
Anyway, I plan to address all of this, including the ridiculous vernacular used on the discipline forms and try to see if they can work with us and follow our behavior/discipline plan.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

This, right here, is the problem. They should not be trying to establish a pattern at all.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Where it went wrong? Sounds like a teacher who doesn't know how to implement or come up with a simple behavior plan. She should have had courses that taught her how to do something so simple. Sounds like she never had any behavioral pysch courses or any child development courses. That sucks. Anywho, if you PM me your e-mail I can send you two different kinds that I use. One that I used for an ADHD kid and one for my Asperger kid. Hers is more a social thing though, like appropriate comments to peers and such, Actually she doesn't have that wall up of knowing what to say and what not to say to the other children, which it doesn't really sound like Taylor has that problem.

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

Have you tried to talking to other children in his class, or parents of the other children, to get a feel for what is going on?

Those items you listed sound pretty innocuous in the manner in which you presented them, but at the same time, you aren't exactly an unbiased presenter. In another reading, those items could be construed as a serious problem with your child's attitude toward the rest of the class and the teacher.

Breaking a pencil... accidental, or did the teacher ask to have it returned, so he snapped it in half deliberately?

Etc.

Sounds like the kid's teacher wanted him medicated because it is the easiest course of action for the teacher (ie do nothing). When you had a professional evaluate him and it contradicted the teacher's non-professional suggestion she didn't like that. They are now trying to establish a pattern and go before a judge and try to force medication (its happened before and the law is a-ok with it). At that point refusing medication can be considered grounds to have children removed because the state has already decided what is in the best interest of the child and you aren't doing it. If the teacher wants to go this course I would get a lawyer to write up a cease and desist letter to the teacher and send a copy to the principle stating that the teacher's actions in writing up in an attempt to prove an opinion that is not backed by medical professional is harassment and illegal and further action without concrete (video) proof will be seen as grounds for a lawsuit on both the teacher and the district. Puts them on the defensive at least.

If the teacher cannot put up with a student rolling their eyes at the teacher they shouldn't be a teacher and in my eyes not even an adult.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Sent you an e-mail with those plans

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

This. This exactly.

The reason they are creating a trail of documentation is to remove you from the process by creating a case of "parental neglect". The state has more right to your child than you do under the law, and this is how they proceed.

Unless you want the state to forcibly medicate your child, take legal steps immediately.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

You know, I've seriously had those exact concerns myself, but figured I was being paranoid....the level of documentation, the exaggerations, the quickness of it all, and the referral to counseling without my permission, and most recently, the school not documenting my son's father coming to school to administer a paddling and the asst principal assigning my son ISS after telling us the paddling was sufficient....the asst principal told me that my son's father told him to give him ISS...my son's father says this is not true at all. I think it's just part of their documentation system to cover their butts and follow a chain of documentation and action in order to achieve the desired result, whatever that might be...

I spoke with the principal and voiced my concerns about my child being "labeled" and getting lost in the system and he said they were valid concerns....he even rolled his eyes sympathetically when I told him how they had written down his breaking a pencil as "defiance and disrespect." We had a productive conversation and he is on board with letting me, the parent, decide how my son is to be disciplined and my objection to any further "behavior interventions" on the school administrations part.

I have a meeting with my son's morning and afternoon teacher, the assistant principal, and the principal on Tuesday afternoon to further discuss this.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

If you are having problems with your hired officials, I'd consider going to the elected ones (your school board). In all fairness I'd warn the principal that you are unhappy and intend to escalate.

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I prefer to think of them as "Fighting evil in another dimension"

Again, get a lawyer.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

A less "the goverment sucks and everyone in public education is out to get me" interpretation.

The base issue is that it seems that your child is still causing disruptions in class, which is not only making the teacher's job more difficult but also potentially disrupting all of the other kids. Apparently, the teacher feels that no progress has been made on correcting the behavioral issues, so she's feeling forced to have to take her own actions. Those actions are very formal and structured, because they have to be able to show enough evidence to override a parent's authority over their child.

Now, it is possible that this teacher is just out to get your kid, however, that is probably not the most likely scenario. Bottom line is that if your child wasn't disruptive in class, you wouldn't be having this problem most likely, so if you can get a handle on that, the rest of the issues should go away.

I believe Taskiss and Oonagh provided the best advice thus far.