The Glade 4.0

Your arse must be highly desensitized if it took you a while to notice.

(Sorry. I have a dirty mind.)

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Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves, Scheherezade had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves you got a brand of magic never fails...
...Mister Aladdin, sir, What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, Jot it down -You ain't never had a friend like me
█ ♣ █

Lol! And nope, it's plenty sensitive enough cause there was plenty of that too haha

You were with her for about 6 1/2 months. That, right there, makes the PTSD diagnosis exceedingly suspicious. Even if she is not "pumping you for money" in the most blatant way that you described, there's real reason to question whether she's not simply exaggerating.

Quite a few of us have experience with abusive relationships; either having been in them ourselves, having had loved ones in them, or have dealt with them in other capacitys or a combination thereof. We know how serious they can be and we know that they can scar people for life. However, there are degrees of abuse, and they generally get progressively worse.

6.5 months is a very, very short timeframe to get into "scar you for life" territory. If that's really the case, it makes me wonder if maybe there are not other issues going on, such as perhaps you feeling that you're supposed to be seeing a therapist after a breakup and are supposed to have PTSD from it. I don't know; I'm not saying those things are the case or trying to say you're faking. What I am saying, however, is that it sounds like in many ways you lack a lot of the psychological tools needed to have healthy relationships and deal with breakups, and have not learned them earlier in life.

In other words, I'm a bit concerned that you are being taught that you are supposed to be psychologically scarred after a breakup, and that you are supposed to have emotional baggage and need professional help. An abusive relationship sometimes does require that, but it seems a bit strained from the short timeframe and your description of events to really end in PTSD.

I'd pay serious attention to what Coro said. His sarcasm aside, he's giving good advice.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

There are some rather large wall of text in this thread so I am not sure if it has been asked but...

What kind of porn was she doing?

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Raell Kromwell

This is a silly argument, you can get PTSD from a single incident such as a car-crash. It all depends on the perceived severity incident (as perceived by the individual).

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What Hopwin said, PTSD doesn't require any sort of long term incident, it's all about how bad the situation is as perceived by the individual, and since I've been seeing my therapist for over half a decade I think she had a lot firmer of a grasp on my mental state and how things would impact me than random people on a message board who aren't phsycholgists. There are a lot of issues in my past that I certainly don't talk about on here (or to most of my friends even) that come into play with how this impacted me that my therapist is aware of.

And I don't see my therapist after a breakup or am I psycologically scarred after a breakup, I cope with breakups just fine now, this was not a normal breakup or relationship.




Umm, the type where she has sex with other people on camera? I'm not a porn watcher so I really had no ideas there are different "types" of porn. I could post a link to her porn page if you really wanted to see what "type", but that i'm sure violates board rules :p

You came here to talk about the subject. All we have to go on is what you have to say.

Furthermore, yes, PTSD can be brought on by single events or in a short period of time but (and I really hate saying this,m because I really like you a lot and this is going to sound mean and I apologize in advance) nothing you described comes anywhere close to that threshold. I'm looking at your OP and the worst thing that you describe is her breaking your cell phone. I don't see very much there that meets the criteria (fromt he DSM-V) of "exposure to traumatic events."

Yes, as you say, it's partly how it's perceived by the person in question, and your perception is not mine or anyone else's and your therapists' familiarity with your perception is not the same as ours. However, I would ask, or rather ask you to ask yourself, how the events that you perceive as traumatic really stack up in comparison to other common causes of PTSD. This is not to say you're whining about nothing; from your perspective it certainly is not nothing, but rather leads to the next question - what is your therapist doing to give you the tools so that this sort of behavior is not the cause for PTSD (if, indeed, that's what you actually have) in the future? Anything? Has she talked to you at all about the level of vulnerability you seem to have?

Furthermore, while I'm not a psychologist, my degree does happen to be in psychology, so I do have at least a basic familiarity with what you're talking about. Second, PTSD is a very "fashionable" thing to diagnose these days as a result of the awareness of the disorder in veterans, and I would point out that there is some concern that it has been overdiagnosed in veterans.



As you say, we don't know what those are. However, if you realize that those are issues from your past and have been working thorugh them, a breakup of the type you've described to us seems rather mild for a diagnosis of PTSD after a relatively short relationship.



Indeed it was not. However, from what you've related about this person's behavior, this is really pretty mild. You've brought up, for example, that she was doing porn, and yet you talked in General about how you'd considered doing some porn of your own, so I'm not sure how traumatic that event is beyond simply being lied to.

In other words, Sassy, and I really hate saying this because you do seem like a genuinely nice person, and from what you've said int he past you have had a harder time than normal in starting to have relationships, but:

It sounds very much like you have been told you are supposed to have a therapist, you are supposed to be emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, and you are supposed to have "issues"; that this is the thing to do. This is not to say that those things are not true, but rather that, from your description of everything, it sounds like this "abusive relationship" (which, while it may appear true from your perspective, is really quite mild compared to what I've encountered in the past) has interacted with these "issues" and your therapist has started simply addressing them without ever sitting you down and saying "look Sassy, we're going to work on these, but at a certain level you simply have to want to not be so emotionally vulnerable anymore."

I'm saying this because I grew up in an environment where people that did exactly that (either constantly had "issues" or constantly told everyone else around them they had "issues" and needed "help" or "therapy") because, quite frankly, being emotionally vulnerable was considered fashionable. I'd also point out that psychos are out there, and don't usually reveal themselves until you're in a relationship. If you'd like this to not happen again if you find another one, I would seriously start questioning my therapist as to what you can do to be more emotionally resiliant in the future, lest you be back there again with a new hurtm to which you're going to be even more vulnerable because now you've been told you have PTSD on top of everything else.

Again, I really like you and I think you're one of the most genuine people here; I'm not saying you're faking. What I am saying is that I think you need some help toughening up, rather than endless working through "issues" and allowing every serious rough spot in life to pile more on top of them.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

It's a silly argument if you don't know what the criterion for PTSD is, specifically the first one:

PTSD



Nothing Sas describes really meets this criteria. Granted, the "loss of physical integrity" clause could be interpreted fairly broadly, but damage to a cell phone, being lied to, or your partner doing porn do not seem to fit that criteria. I'm also not exactly sure how any of these things could have involved "intense fear, horror, or helplessness" unless Sas has a seriously hard time dealing with any sort of fear, horror, or helplessness - i.e. to the point where she has been taught that she is supposed to need help after any experiencing of those things at all.

My concern is not that she's faking; it's that this "therapist" is simply slapping a label on her symptoms and essentially telling her she is supposed to be even more vulnerable in the future.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Come on guys :p


This is a perfect example of guys wanting to give advice and fix things...when Sas just needs a big hug and to rant a little.


Sas....hugs hugs hugs, you stay strong girl, it will get better. You are a beautiful, incredible girl!

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Thanks Kirra

At least someone gets why I was posting, and you summed it up perfectly, I just needed to rant because of the ridiculous amount of bad stuff that's happened to me in the last 5 months, not to have people brow beating me about PTSD and weather I have it or not.



Needless to say both those criteria's were meet, this was simply meant as a rant about all the bad stuff that's happened lately to me and not specifically about my PTSD as there are a lot of things go on there, most of which I have no desire to put out there on public forums. I freak out and my fight of flight reflex gets triggered whenever I see things that remind me of her, like today as I was driving to my therapist I saw a blue dodge neon behind me (that's what she drove), I freaks out, my heart-rate skyrocketed and I thought it was her following me. I get angry semi often (I never got angry before), I have an extremely hard time concentrating, I have issues sleeping, and while in a relationship little things happen that make me think the person i'm with is lying to me and doing the same things that ex did, and I act in ways that are not me at all, like when I was considering doing porn as you said I mentioned, it was because of her, it's not something I would ever do, the thought of it disgusts me, heck I've only even had sex with 3 people and I've been in 6 relationships and the earliest it happened was 2 months in, my personality was changing because of her and what she did to me.

Sas,

You don't have to prove anything to DE. He has no business questioning your therapists diagnosis, and as has been pointed out, isn't really the point of this thread.

Moreover, his assessment relies on several bad assumptions, some of which are specifically warned about (if not outright disclaimed) in the preface of the DSM, while others are contradicted directly by what Sas has related so far in the thread:

• That every revision made to the DSM between DSM-III and DSM-IV-TR were necessarily improvements.
• That the DSM-IV-TR criteria in a vacuum (excluding even other aspects of DSM-IV-TR, like the differential diagnosis...) are the end-all, be-all of diagnosis.
• That the purpose of the DSM is to be a precise, literal diagnostic guide with neatly delineated boundary conditions that neither requires nor permits any clinical judgement.
• That the DSM holds that mental/emotional conditions themselves are categorical simply because it uses a categorical diagnostic system. Or alternatively, that a categorical diagnostic system is superior in all ways to a dimensional system.
• That applying DSM criteria outside of a clinical environment, even by someone with the proper education and training is a meaningful thing to do.
• That the addition of the "physical integrity" criteria in DSM-IV represents anything more than a reclassification to one of the flavors of Adjustment Disorder for those who meet the symptomatic criteria of PTSD, but with a different sort of traumatic event (see "differential diagnosis". It's there for a reason)
• That Sasasandra's experiences don't meet said DSM-IV criterion in spite of her statement in the OP that her ex was physically violent with her.

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Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

Just wondered if there were dudes in it? If so, how safe was it? Should you be going to the clinic to get checked every three months for the next year just to be sure?

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Raell Kromwell

Since I'm not making a single one of those assumptions, and since, as I stated, my degree is in psychology, you can shut up now, especially when you're going to make comments like "they weren't necessarily improvements". They may not be, but you are in no position to state that this one is not. Between the two of you, you got exactly one thing right: Sasandra does not have to prove anything to me (or anymore else here for that matter.)

That's all I have to say on the matter. I encourage Sas to ask her therapist some hard questions, and that's all I was trying to say. Why that's giving some of you a problem (especially in view of your pointed silence regarding Coro's post) is beyond me.

Sas, I'm sorry this happened in your thread. I do hope things go better for you in the coming months.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

You are however assuming that she has disclosed everything that happened in her relationship.

I do however appreciate the sentiment you are expressing in that psychology is not an exact science and there are shady practioners out there who A) don't have a clue and B) have a vested financial interest in NOT making you whole. My sister for example has been going to therapy for about 17 years now and has not moved past the issues that brought her there. My siblings and I all went through the same thing and have long since buried it (some with therapy, some without). At some point during these 17 years her therapist should've acknowledged that he/she can't help her and referred her to someone else.

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No, I'm not assuming that at all. I repeatedly said that what I was saying was "based on her OP." If you want to take it any further, send me a PM. Kirra is right, Sas does need our support.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I have already spoken my piece to you on this Sas. Now for my share of ill placed advice...

Just remember that there is nothing a girlfriend or boyfriend can do for you that either a fleshlight or a B.O.B cannot.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

You can't cuddle with a fleshlight.

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Holy shitsnacks!

no but you can cuddle some dumb schmuck who thinks that there is a chance to get out of the "friend zone"

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

I resemble that remark DS.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

She did stuff, alone, with guys and with girls, there were always condoms used and it's a requirement that they get tested every month before they can shoot, but regardless I got tested once already and will get tested again when I have my physical next week.




Sadly I know what a fleshlight is, but I can't for the life of me figure out what B.O.B is supposed to stand for.

battery operated boyfriend

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Ahh, that makes sense, also makes sense of me not getting that reference cause I don't think of them as battery operated boyfriends for obvious reason

I already cuddle myself

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Holy shitsnacks!

Good deal. All the other **** will work out in time. No worries.

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Raell Kromwell