The Glade 4.0

3 short questions which I have been contemplating lately.

When did you realise you wanted to be with the one you were with for the rest of your life.

How did you feel when you realised it.

How easy was it to move the relationship to the next stage, marriage?

It wasn't a sudden realization it was a gradual thing, where we grew together and continued to complement each other more and more over time. I decided I was going to ask her to marry me when her father asked me if that was the plan. I hadn't really given it much thought until that time.

It was easy because it made sense.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

I didn't really think about it, till he proposed to me. We had been together for a while, but it just wasn't on my mind.


When he proposed and surprised me....it was the best feeling in the world. I knew at that moment that it was the direction I also wanted to go towards.

It was easy to move to the next stage of marriage, we were living together already, so it was just a matter of planning the wedding. Nothing really changed there, except we became more committed.........


Well, at least I did. I wasn't married for the rest of my life, but that was my intention, when I got married.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

There was no line of demarcation between "girlfriend" and "person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life." Being with Phe just made everything...complete, and it was like that from the very beginning. I suppose that's about best way I can put it.


Well, there was little in the way of "realization." It just was. We'd been dating about three years when I was visiting my parents (alone) and Mom happened to ask if I had any plans to propose. I hadn't really thought of it, to be honest. It wasn't that I didn't want it, it was just that the simple act of being with Phe was completion. What we called it as a relationship status didn't seem to really make a difference. It was more of a "huh...yeah, I guess that is the next step" moment than an "a-ha!" moment.


Incredibly, because again, there was no demarcator between how I felt about Phe as "girlfriend" and how I expected to feel about her as "wife." Suddenly changing labels didn't really seem to matter much to me, since she couldn't possibly be any more endeared to me than she already was. I enjoyed the publicly-approved ritual by which we changed labels and I declared the permanence of my love for her; I just couldn't possibly love her any more than I already did, so it was simply a matter of rings and titles at that point.

It just sort of clicked. Our first date lasted hours just sitting and talking. Then again. And again. It seemed natural. Withing the first few months I had friends saying we'd end up married, and I blushed and shrugged and said 'well probably.' He asked a little sooner than expected, I had just randomly assumed it would be after graduation for some unknown reason.

Is the question about when I figured out I'd marry him or the moment when he asked? There was no 'I will marry this man!' moment, really. And when he asked my brain was going back and forth between 'omigawdomigawdyayyesomigawd' and 'well answer him you idiot!' And then I bounced for a few months.

Relationship wise, there was absolutely no change at all. I will say I'm glad I'll never have to plan another wedding, though.

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my husband and I became best friends long before we dated. In fact, he was dating my roommate, I was only 20 years old. The two of them got along like the proverbial felines and canines. But we were always hanging out in the same crowd.

One day after they'd just had a major fight that there was no way they'd recover from, and she'd stormed out of our apartment, he looked at me and said, "Jackie, don't take this the wrong way, but you and I have far more in common than she and I do."

I agreed. There was an awkward silence for several minutes, before he said "I should go home."

The next day he called her to break up with her. We met a few days later for lunch, and he suggested that we probably shouldn't see each other. She was my roommate, and it would cause no end of strife and blah blah blah blah.

About a month later she moved out to go back home. I called him up and asked him out that night. Not three months later, he asked me to marry him. I never even doubted the answer to that question. We were married not even a year later (it's easier to plan some things when your father is a priest, and your future mother-in-law is the pleasant sort of busybody who needs to get great deals for everybody and takes charge while still ensuring she knows what you want for everything.) That was over 16 years ago. We've never looked back with regret.

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Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves, Scheherezade had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves you got a brand of magic never fails...
...Mister Aladdin, sir, What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, Jot it down -You ain't never had a friend like me
█ ♣ █

My wife proposed. She figured it would take me forever to get around to it, and she was probably right.

We had become good friends, then lovers, then we moved in together, became a lot closer, and she decided that she wanted forever. I liked that idea, again, no thunder and lightning, just a sense of yes, this is where it was going what we should do. We told her parents and her mother rented a hall the next day, then called and asked us if June 4th (four months away) would be okay. I figured I had been accepted by her mother about that time.

It was very easy, I didn't feel any resistance to the idea at all, and accepted it with my whole heart.

I gave her till death do we part, and I've given her nine more years. I'm ready to move on now I think.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I met my wife in Everquest in June of '99. It was pretty obvious early on that there was some kind of deeper connection there. We spent a lot of time talking online, and then on the phone. We got married in game on November 13th, 1999.

Met in RL for the first time in January '00, and after a few subsequent meetings, I moved 1400 miles to be with her. There were absolutely no doubts, we were soulmates.

As far as "how did it feel", I guess it felt like I was getting to know someone who I had known my whole life. Our temperments and world views line up really well. Even when we don't see eye to eye, we keep a good sense of humor about everything, even though we are both very strong willed and stubborn. A more in-depth description would be found here: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7244#p166748

I proposed to her in RL in... 2002? 2003? It was also on November 13th. The Glade helped me out a little with designing the ring, and saying a bunch of nice stuff that I put up on a special webpage.

Regarding the "marriage" piece as far as a document stating our legal status, we held off for a few years, for financial reasons, and due to the fact that there was pretty much no rush at that point. I couldn't really tell you how many years we've been "officially" married, but it was on a November 13th also. (Although I should probably know how many years. Maybe 5? We generally count it from 1999.)

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My wife and I met through a mutual job while in college at a concert hall (we were both Theatre majors). After a spring break trip to go and pick up my motorcycle from a past college (she had a pickup) we started dating and basically immediately moved in together. I was 19 at the time. After dating for about a year, it became obvious to me the direction that things were going and it scared the crap out of me. I moved away for the summer to work in a nearby city and we sort of broke up. After about a month or two I realized that I had made a huge mistake in leaving her and moved back. At that point, as far as I was concerned we were married.



Nervous, as I wasn't entirely sure if she would have me back or not. Luckily for me, she understood why I left and gave me the freedom to figure my **** out.



Amazingly easy. We didn't get married for another 3 years. It was only after we had moved to Mpls and I was starting a job that was going to have health insurance. We figured it would be easier to get her on the insurance if we were married before I started. We had a friend who was coming into town in a couple weeks for a Judo tournament, so we asked him to bring along another mutual friend to ask as witnesses and we did a JP special. Best $110 I've ever spent. That was over 18 years ago now.

She was one of my best friends, and we had been together for a while, but I wasn't looking for a long term commitment. I split up with her, but we still saw each other all the time. When she finally told me should couldn't deal with it any longer, I immediately realized I couldn't be without her.

We dated for another 5 years before being married, but there wasn't much question.

Coro used to say occasionally something along the lines of "I have never suspected DE had any problems with the ladies". That was pretty much the case from college until I met my wife. She was not at all what I would have expected myself to fall in love with at the time, but I think it was a case of love at first sight, because a lunch date turned into an all day sit-in-the-park-and-chat date. And another one 2 days later at a coffee shop. After that, we never spent more than 3 days apart for the next close-to-5-years. We decided we were getting married after 3 months, I proposed after 11 and we were married in 2 years almost to the day.

I just didn't really want to be with anyone else anymore after I met here.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I don't think Foamy and I came to a realization of knowing we were going to get married, it kind of just happens. It probably followed the natural course of events as becoming friends, then best friends, then lovers, and then husband and wife. We have been together 15 years and married 10 this April. It kind of just was a normal progression. I don't think it is, "Wow, I am going to spend the rest of my life with this person, I think it was, "Wow, I can't live happily without this person."

How I felt at spending my life with Foamy? I would say it was also again a natural feeling of this just feels right and it was meant to happen. I don't see my life without him now. We do everything together and communicate on everything. I don't see us doing very many things in our lives anymore separate. (including Tommy Emmanual concerts Sorry honey, we were meant to do that together too)

For foamy and I marriage was easy, not even living together first. We just made it work and stuck to it and communicate. It is all about communicating feelings- good and bad- and that will make your marriage a happy one.

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

1. When she came >.< that close to killing my mothers dog...not a joke.

2. A little depressed, I was at the time dating someone else.

3. Take a deep breath...that easy.

Nothing is easy. There are good days and there are bad. Some times the bad days stretch into weeks. You just have to remember how you got to the good place to begin with.

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Raell Kromwell

On our first date.

Hopeful that she'd feel the same way, a bit nervous that she'd think I was being creepy/clingy.

We started living together after like, the third date - so nothing since then has really made any change in our relationship.

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

I'll offer what I can from our relationship.


When did you realise you wanted to be with the one you were with for the rest of your life?

I guess if I had to put a moment on it, it would be when I took her ring shopping. Yes, I broke "tradition" about the ring, but I already knew she has particular tastes about some things and the absolute last thing I wanted to do was purchase a ring that she would wear for the rest of her life that she was not completely satisfied with. Ultimately we chose a solitary marquise engagement ring that was latest fused with an additional twin floral band with two additional diamonds to make the wedding band. (I even jokingly ask if she's ready to exchange it for something bigger, which always makes her smile and not ever, no chance, never etc... comments.)

I should mention that we had known each other for 11 years by the time I proposed. We dated in high school, then spent some time apart during her senior year in high school (she was a year behind me), but had been dating for nearly five years straight when I did propose.


How did you feel when you realised it?

I was a little nervous, but mostly excited when I asked her which one she really liked (we were "ring shopping" even though every previous time was just for fun. She loves to look at jewelry, but thankfully is much too thrifty (? if that is the right term) to want to own a bunch. She is very much a woman and very much the good wife, but is happily satisfied with what we can afford. She has always been that way and hopefully I can keep spoiling her with gifts she says she doesn't deserve (or so she says) and is never enough (so I say).

Did I know that when I met her nearly 30 years ago that we'd be happily married? No, I did not know, but we are pleased with the way things worked out.


How easy was it to move the relationship to the next stage, marriage?

My best man, a fellow Naval Academy graduate (who is currently deployed to Afganistan), said it best at our reception dinner. "It was never a matter of if they would get married, it was a matter of when." Not only are we part of the "2% club" (which is roughly the percentage of Midshipmen that are still with the same girlfriend when they graduate from the Academy that they started with as a Plebe), but we were also together before that while I was attending the Naval Academy Preparatory School.

The transition to marriage was easy. Having been in a long distance relationship for nearly five years, we finally had the opportunity to be together "full time". Of course, that was limited as I was a Surface Warfare Officer on active duty in the Navy, which means long hours while in port, frequent trips out of home port and 6+ month deployments. This is not necessarily the best way to start a marriage for some people, but she was a good "Navy wife" and accepted every good-bye, every move and every wrinkle along the way with dignity and grace. And, she never missed a departure or homecoming. She has always let me know that I am her number one priority and nothing is more important to her.

As I'm fond of saying, "she's a keeper" and I tell her I love her, every day.

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Gorse

I always thought it would be kinda earth shattering... but listening to your experiences, it seems more like a stream than a tsunami.

Thank you all for your wisdom.

Love is a living thing, and like all living things, it grows; sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but always because of nurturing that is provided to it.

May happiness be yours, whatever lies ahead on your journey.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

If you don't like **** somebody, and you don't like eating with them, you don't need to be together.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Can't see the video... but those two are not mutually exclusive...

Thank you Michael, will update if anything comes of it.

I think that's also a modern thing. Most of us live together first, I think and it kind of happens logically (but, no Pon Farr). I don't wanna go back and read all the posts, but that's the feeling I get. And, with me. So it's not like the image we have created as a society of the "magical moment," for the most part.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

Thank you for creating this thread. Even though I'm not married at the moment, it's helped me gain a deeper understanding of married life and helped clarify some things for me.

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Moo + Bunny = <3