It has been since Christmas since I have talked to them at any length. Since then, the cops have been called to remove them from our property.
At my cousin’s wedding just days after calling the cops on them, I was approached by another cousin of mine; She is 16 years older than I, married with 5 kids. The age is important because she was alive for interactions with my ‘mom’ and grandfather that I was not. She simply said to Oonagh and I, “What’s going on? Are you guys OK?” Thinking perhaps my mom put her up to it, I told her that there is too much to tell now. She suggested I give her a call sometime and gave me her cell number. She left us with, “I love you guys and the marriage you have.”, “Foamy, I love that you are standing by your wife.”, and “Oonagh, you’re a good person.”
So in the days following this interaction, my mind starts spinning. Did my mom put her up to this, after all, my mom did say that she has been talking to family to come talk to me. What was her angle? Is there an angle? She’s not going to try to “talk us down” from our stance against my mother, is she? I told the Psychologist I am seeing about this and my potential reasons for wanting to open up to my cousin. Truthfully, I wanted that side of my family to know what I have been through. I didn’t want to be seen as the bad one. I didn’t know what my mom’s side of the family thought of me and Oonagh. I wanted the story out and them to make up their minds on how to feel about Oonagh and I vs Mom, Dad and bro. After a few days of FB, texting and cellphone tag, we coordinate a phone call last night.
What happened has changed my life…
She asked again how we were and I told her it hasn’t been easy, but I asked her to tell me “How did you know…Moreso, What do you know?” She told me that she just picked up on feelings, how conversations with my mother about Me, Oonagh, or the kids always had a negative feel and she just knew something was off.” Along with the fact that she has seen my mother’s terrible behavior for almost AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN ALIVE. In the enlightening conversation with my cousin, I have found out that my mother has alienated just about everyone in her family. The sister, my Aunt Joan, who died of lung cancer too young (early 60s) was not treated well by my mother. My mother’s own brother has been on the record as saying “She’s F*cking nuts”. He other brother was completely embarrassed by a ‘blowup’ by her back in ’78. My own mother has been f*cking over her own family (Myself included, of course) for my entire lifetime.
My cousin, whom I was on the phone with, was the one who eulogized my Aunt Joan just a few years ago. This was the eulogy where Oonagh and I had to restrain our amazement at the fact that every beautiful fact about my Aunt was a polar opposite to the person I have to call ‘mom’. I found that in the days following that eulogy, my mother confronted my cousin in front of quite a lot of the rest of the family about things that were said. My mother took offense to things that were said about her father and BLASTED my cousin in front of her own children. This was not taken well by her and she had to run off to get away from my mother’s bluster. At this, her daughter (sweetest, quietest, naïve little thing) spoke up and told my mother off. “Don’t you DARE talk about my mom that way. She LOVED Aunt Joan.”
To sum up, what I learned in that conversation last night is that I have not been alone. I cried knowing that I am not the only one who has been treated this way by my mother. I know now for sure that it is not me, it is the Evil woman known as my mother. She isn’t right in the head, and she hasn’t been for years. My dad and brother are slaves to her charm, but I have broken free. My life with them is over. They are nothing to me. There is no more attempts to make it better. I will see my Doctor one more time on Monday to share all this with him. I am well…It is not my fault. I am a good person and I love my wife, children, in-laws, and family on my side who has shared and suffered with me, though in silence.
This is the end of my saga about this. I will no longer have the need to post another “I can’t F*CKING believe what my mother did this time” story here. Along with family and friends who have supported me through this, I have never forgotten the support I have received here…my “Friends who I just haven’t met”…have given me. You have been as much a part of my decision making process as my close friends, family and Doctors have been.
From the bottom of my <3
I thank you all.
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