The Glade 4.0

My parents got my nephew a tortoise on Sunday because my brother and his family are moving from southern California to Idaho because California sucks. Anyway, the tortoise was doing fine the first few days and then today it just kinda...started moving really slow and his mouth is always open like he is silently screaming. And now he isn't moving at all and I touched him and he didn't react. I honestly can't tell if it is alive. Mom is taking him to the vet today, but I don't have high hopes for him. Thankfully Julian has no idea he is getting a tortoise and doesn't have to go through the whole "my pet died before I even got to see it" thing. But still...I feel really bad even though it has only been four days. It might not be dead, I have no **** clue about tortoises(though my mother did a lot of research before picking it up, but she has no idea what the **** is going on either).

This kind of sucks. Why didn't they just get him a puppy instead? Those are super easy to take care of.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

Or just paint a rock and tell him it is a reaaaaaally shy turtle.

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False alarm. Apparently he is a really sound sleeper and wasn't dead when I poked him. Vet said his mouth was open like he was silently screaming because he got dirt in his mouth and he's been trying to get it out. He then told us to put him into a little bit of water(like, not even an inch) and let him soak in it. Apparently tortoises love that ****. He's back to his old self now, which is good.

_________________
Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

lol, who knew tortoises liked water?

I can't tell if that is sarcasm or not.

_________________
Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

I'm not sure either. Glad he's okay though.

Well, tortoises are not aquatic(or semi-aquatic) so the whole soaking in water didn't ever occur to me. He has a water dish to drink from, though, obviously. And the vet said to not leave soaking water in there with him because he uses it as a toilet as well. So yeah. **** tortoise.

_________________
Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

If the toroise had died, would it have left you....




a shell of a man?

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

That's a shell of a thing, man.

Yes, I've had a variety of turtles and they are a pain in the *** to take care of.

It's not that they are needy, it's just you have no idea what they do need. Their reaction is the same for

happy
dying
hungry
thirsty
full
cold
hot
dead
sleeping

Cute and adorably helpless?

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

What type of Tortoise?

Russian tortoise.

_________________
Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

In Soviet Russia, Tortoise troll you.

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I prefer to think of them as "Fighting evil in another dimension"