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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 2:49 pm 
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Lenas wrote:
I thought he was talking about issues she had with people at her work.


Ah, maybe I misread it then. I read it as he was at work, talking with her on the phone.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 5:59 pm 
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My only advice is that for non-petty people (which I assume she is) there will not be one reason. One reason is assessable and can be overcome. If it was that she would have done so.

Maybe it's just... time? Midlife crisis? Just a desire for something different. It could be everything, just unhappiness, not necessarily anything you did wrong or could have done differently. It could have been doomed from the day you were married. But would you have changed it? 18 years is its own reward.

I don't think it's healthy to obsess over a reason. I can't imagine there really is just one, quantifiable reason.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:14 pm 
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I don't know the answers so many questions.
The reward was meant to be a lifetime.
maybe I'm old fashioned in that way I don't **** know

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:13 am 
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Sorry man, that sounds pretty rough. As someone who's about to get married for the first time, this kind of thing is really scary to me. There's a lot of people in my family who have gone through divorces after 15+ years of marriage. One aunt and uncle split up after 40 years. I can't even imagine what that's like. But in every case, they've always moved on and found happiness. It might take years, but it happens, and I'm sure it will happen to you too. You're moving onto a new phase in your life, but you have your health, your children, and a good career. I think you have a lot to look forward to, you just have to climb over this mountain of **** to get there.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 3:48 pm 
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I have nothing comforting to say.

It's really alien to me. I've been married 18 years.

My parents have been married for 45 years. My in-laws have been married for 40 years. None of my three siblings, nor my sister-in-law, have been divorced.

I suppose I have this one comforting thing to say:

If you can go 18 years and not realize she had become unhappy enough to leave, then she was a lousy communicator - and communication is the most important thing in any marriage. No matter what her reason was, it's her fault, not yours. You cannot fix a problem that you did not know existed, and if she was interested in fixing it, she'd have told you so. So this is all on her. She doesn't want to fix it, and I simply don't understand that.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:09 pm 
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it's been rough, not sure where I go from here.
We've gone through all the paper work and it's all in the hands of the court to decide if they agree.
I still don't understand and that's what hurts the most.
I'm not the best looking guy I'll admit that. but I'm in shape and believe I've provided well for my family. in all ways possible.

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History of the Condom
In 1272, the Muslim Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of the goat first.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:50 pm 
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Spent a lot of time talking with a coworker a few years ago. He climbed the state service ladder, was doing well. Normal looks, not great, not ugly. Kept fit, just like you. She told her friends she left him because he was boring, she was never thrilled, never in danger. Three years later, she and the dude she was riding behind died on a motorcycle after he tried something really stupid. Exactly what, when and where I never asked. I just talked him into getting some grief therapy. At least they didn't have any kids.

You don't have to do anything wrong. She just has to get some weird hair up her rear and its over.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:36 pm 
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Leshani wrote:
it's been rough, not sure where I go from here.
We've gone through all the paper work and it's all in the hands of the court to decide if they agree.
I still don't understand and that's what hurts the most.
I'm not the best looking guy I'll admit that. but I'm in shape and believe I've provided well for my family. in all ways possible.


I've been down the road you're on, twice. Understanding what's going on won't change a thing, so let go of your obsession about that. It doesn't matter. It's not about looks, or money, or anything like that. From my experience, it's about the other person not being happy and blaming you...which is BS, and time will prove that. For what it's worth, after leaving me, both my x's wanted me back once I got my **** together and got happy again. It's not that I wasn't happy with them, it was them not being happy and thinking it had something to do with me.. but it didn't.

But what does matter is this:

Just like the day goes from dark, to light, and back to dark, things change. It's dark for you now, probably...but give it time and it'll lighten up. I promise.

Don't close up or close down or anything like that. Just take one day at a time and it will be better, in time.

The secret to happiness is appreciating what you have and not worrying about what you don't. I know that's true, down to my bones.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:21 pm 
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Sorry I missed this when it happened. Sorry it happened. Hope you found a way back to breathing.

Keep swimming, brother.

x


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