The Glade 4.0

G: Jerry, the guy thinks I'm Muslim.
J: who does?
G: the lunch guy at work. He won't let me have bacon with my breakfast. Took my plate from me.
J: but you love bacon!
G: Love the bacon!
J: and you can't have bacon?
G: Can't have the bacon! Jerry, I'm screwed. Muslim!?
J: How in the world did he get that impression?
G: It's the beard Jerry. Nothing but trouble. Should never have grown it.
J: I tried to tell you. Why do you think I shave?
E, from couch: Bad Jew?
J, snears: Yeah, okay, bad Jew. Forget I said that.
J, back to G: ...You know, now you have to follow through.
G: Oh I'm following through. Huh-ho, am I ever following through. I'm going all out for this one.
E: ...Ramadan is coming up.
G, takes off glasses and rubs his eyes: Guess I have to quit.
J: You could just shave.
G: and let him win?
K, bursts through door, full beard and towel wrapped on his head straight out of the shower, looks at G: Anyone ever tell you you look like a muslim with that beard?
Everyone looks back and forth to K and G.
K: not seeing the irony: Jerry, can I borrow your conditioner, this beard takes work. Used all mine up.
J throws up his hands and let's out an exasperated sigh. K runs into the bathroom. /Scene

G: GOLD! They gave me gold Jerry!
J: what is this, the wild west? Who uses gold?
E, imitating an old prospector: there's gold in them there comments!
J, G: No, don't do that again.
K: I keep all my cash in gold. Awaiting the * squiggles hand in the air, makes a popping noise * appocolyse. It's coming. George, stock up. It'll be worth millions when the money becomes useless.
E: millions of what?
K gets wide eyed and bursts back out the door to his apartment. /Scene

K runs inside the apartment and slams the door, peering through the peep hole.
J, E look back and forth to each other.
J: Kramer?
K shushes him, still staring through the peep hole.
J, getting dressed: Kramer, what's going on?
K: too much gold, Jerry.
J: not possible.
E: didn't you say you were saving up for the appocolyse?
K, almost whimpering: they found out.
J: who found out? What are you talking about?
K, pulls out a telescope and places it against the peephole: Pirates!
J flings his hands: there's no such thing.
K: oh yes there is, Jerry. And they know I have more gold.
K turns around, sees J in his puffy shirt and stumbles, knocking over everything on the counter. K does a spin, points at J and mumbles, then runs out of the apartment. G is walking in, wearing an eyepatch after his fight with the food guy resulted in bacon grease to the eye and the guy getting let go for racial discrimination. K points, spins and stumbles back into his own apartment. /Scene

[Damn, guess you liked it. Just to clear things up, no I'm not Larry David, just watched Seinfeld religiously from ages 7-18, daily. I know most muslims don't wear turbans, but the show would have used the sight gag. Thank you all for your comments and gold.]