The Glade 4.0

Dad got arrested for Physical Control a second time. Physical control in Ohio is basically a less-severe form of DUI where you are in control of the vehicle but not actually driving (like, in the driver's seat while parked).

He got arrested for this back in Novemeber. M dad's alcoholism has been a long-developing saga that I should ahve seen coming and probably would have if his wife and a few other people hadn't been concealing some important facts from me. Of course, those same people now want me to be the primary point of contact for him.

There's a lot more going on, but basically he's also on probation from the first offense (these are misdemeanors but still...) and despite his clean record his entire life he has basically started flushing himself down the shitter since April. His ability to be gainfully employed is in serious jeopardy.

Last night his wife called me and told me he was passed out drunk in his home office too. He just got out of rehab and everything was fine for a week or so. He was going to his AA meetings and outpatient therapy.

At any rate, I told my wife when she got home last night from the grocer that I had, just for a moment, considered smashing her Pyrex measuring cup when my stepmother called. I don't approve of such things, but there was just a second where it would have been very satisfying. She told me she was glad I hadn;t because she would have been "displeased" as it were.

As it happens I'm also taking yet another interminable online Army course, which, I told her, is of the nature to make otherwise sane men punt small animals. So, when he called form jail my wife's first comment "well, at least there are no small animals or glass objects in easy reach!"

Maybe not, but I may be in jail for assault in the next few hours. If I post tonight and let you all know what happened, everythings cool. IF not.. could someone come up this way with bail money? Just for me; my dad will be in the hospital.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Why, exactly is it a violation of the law if a person is in the driver's seat, but the car is just parked? Because they *might* drive or have already driven while impaired?

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

Different States, different laws. If he gets into the car, into the driver's seat, the law assumes he intends to drive the car. Sleeping it off is much more logical in the back seat or even the passenger seat.

Of course anyone drunk may not be thinking clearly about where they are sitting.

IIRC in California we have something similar. I'd have to look it up.

DE, dude, don't beat the crap out of your dad where anyone can see you. You know better than that. A moment of release of frustration isn't worth the long term consequences.

Obviously he isn't ready to stop drinking. The trick now is to find the trigger to get him to be ready. When you go pick him up, take him to a motel and tell him that is where he is living now. The wife doesn't want him to come home.

Now is he drinking from addiction or is there something horrible in his life that is causing him to succumb to drink, I haven't got that clear yet.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Yes. Because it doesn't take much beyond a flip of the gear shift to drive and they're already drunk. This isn't arresting someone because they might endanger people; they're already endangering people by being in control of a vehicle when their judgement as to whether they should drive is already impaired.

In any case, dad is at home sobering up. I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say to him and he didn't want to talk. Wouldn't have mattered anyhow; he was too drunk to listen. (I was only kidding about kicking his ***)

He's not staying at a hotel. He decided to leave the house; his wife didn't demand it and in any case A) I have little sympathy for her either since she's been concealing how bad his drinking was from me for years and B) I don't think it matters whether she wants him there. It's his house too, and he's not violent. Maybe the expense of a hotel would push him to realize his situation but he already did that once.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Sorry to hear that DE.
Hopefully your dad will realize he has a lot of loving people to try and help him through this.

My brother was turning out the same way...but it seems getting arrested for DUI straightened him out. It's a shame that it had to get that far, but I'm glad for it. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be the case with your father.

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Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

DE, welcome to the 'responsible adult child club'. I was there.

Good luck and *hugs*

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Memento Vivere

I have local knowledge.
That sandbar was not there yesterday!

*hugs*, by the way.

I have several relatives have stayed sober after a similar wake up call. It can happen.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

So, uh...

Did you need bail?

No, and thankfully neither did he. They let him go on personal recognizance.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

SO..

The day before yesterday was my older daughter's birthday. We had my in-laws over and my wife's sister and her husband for dinner but not my dad and his wife because we just don't know what condition he's going to show up in. The previous week we'd gone over to his house after Ash Wednsday service and discovered it completely dark as if no one was home, and then I'd learned the next day he was there, apparently either in bed or just sitting there in the dark and wondering why we didn't show.

He also went back to inpatient treatment since the arrest, but he was drinking again about 2 hours after getting home from there.

Well anyhow we get a call from his wife during the party that he's left a suicide note on the kitchen table indicating he wanted to go off somewhere in the country and die.

She takes the note to the police who put out an alert, and eventually he's found drunk in a parking lot of a hotel near Toledo. The cops there ake him to the emergency room where he stays overnight. I learn later that he was going to go to his gradfather's farm in Michigan and drink himself to death, since all his guns are with one of his friends now.

The next day he checks out, gets in the car, drives back to Cleveland, calls me, apologizes (probably drinking the whole time) then eventually goes in to his office which he shares with his own attorney. His attorney calls me late yesterday afternoon asking me to come in there because he's inebriated again.

I go in there and his lawyer tells me to take him to the hospital and check him into the psych unit by way of the emergency room. In the meantime he's been making arrangements to get him into some other inpatient program. My dad is meanwhile crying and blubbering and carring on and generally making an *** of himself, wanting to hug me, alternating with bragging about my military career (I hate that) and so forth.

So, I take him to the hospital and check him in.

Now it's just a matter of where he's going to go. His lawyer is working with this Ohio Lawyer's Assistance Program for lawyers who have various addications and they want him in some different program than the place he went the last 2 times. His wife wants him to go somewhere cheap because she just wants him confined so he won't drink and she can have her mind at ease long enough for a divorce. She thinks nothing will ever help and he'll just keep drinking no matter what.

We'll see.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I'm so sorry DE =(

Is he a veteran? Do they have veteran's homes in your state? That is where my dad spent his last five years, and they kept him sober.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

That is a tough situation. My heart goes out to you and your dad and your family.
I so wish I could help.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

If I were to be a jerk I could reply something to the effect of "He's never going to get better. he's an addict. you're better off forgetting him. He'll never crawl out of the bottle."

But I'm not. I believe anyone can be redemed. Take him into your home where you can care for him or take him to a facility where he can be cared for. Perferrably the latter. He will require full time supervision, and being suicidal the odds are you can have him commited without his consent as a danger to himself (and others).

Everyone oscillates between ups and downs. He'll probably get better with time.

No, he's not a veteran. His uncorrected vision is so poor they wouldn't even draft him during Viet Nam. His father was, and spent his last... probably 15 years in a veteran's home because he was a drunk too (and far more unpleasent than my dad). I wish I had that option.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

The same, however, can't be said for trolling nitwits who don't know what the **** they're talking about.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Huh. Given that he likes to brag about your military career, his dad was in the military, but he was not - and was judge physically unacceptable - sounds like there are some self-worth issues going on. Not like you don't know that, I'm sure, just an observation that might help you handle it.

Boy, tough situation. Doesn't sound like out-patient treatment is going to help, at this point. Good luck.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

Oh, there's plenty of self-worth issues. I'm only now beginning to plumb the depths of the issues. I don't think a great deal of them relate to the military and his inability to join, though. I know he's got regrets about careers he'd wanted to pursue but didn't because my mother opposed them, but I think that's pretty minor in the overall morass of issues he has.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Yeah, I can see that. Then again, you never know which of his issues trigger the behavior. Of course, probably all of them, to varying degrees.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

Breaking forum rules a bit?

Nope, this is rants

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Holy shitsnacks!

The posting guidelines for all forums say

He called me a trolling nitwit. But if you don't think that violates a rule, then whatever. *shrug*