The Glade 4.0

Coming up on 16 years of marriage and 19 years of being together.

Getting into a relationship and maintaining it are different skills.

"Scoring" perhaps is a different skill.

But getting into and maintaining a good healthy relationship are really one and the same.

Yeah, I think you're right.

*blink*

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It feels like all the people who want limited government really just want government limited to Republicans.
---The Daily Show

That isn't true. That is only experience in dealing with one subset of individuals in a relationship with one individual. The best person to get advise relating to any human interpersonal interaction is someone who understands people.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Wow. Just wow.

Not all women are that shallow, you know. Some of us actually prefer the nice guys - they just have to be secure in who they are and confident enough to have a little initiative and backbone when needed. That can be done without the guy being an arrogant SOB who has to walk over people. We just don't want someone who lets the world continually walk all over them.

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?

Serienya, that may very well be true. I would love to meet women like that. Unfortunately, most of my experience indicate shows that, while Rafe is definitely generalizing, he is hitting a large percentage of the female population.

I'm watching a marriage break up because after several abusive relationships, she believed what she really wanted was a nice guy, found one, married one, and got bored with him quickly. Now she's moved out and dating a guy who is leaving bruises in visible places.

He on the other hand, refuses to discuss anything except work, and has two stock phrases when asked what happened, 'on the advice of my lawyer I'm not discussing the divorce with anyone' and 'ask her, I really don't know what happened.'

From my experience, the backbone you are referring to mostly comes at the expense of being nice to the one you are courting. If she is holding out for bad behavior, which I have come across, I'm not interested.

You know, no means no. That is her right. Its my right to lose interest when the answer is never yes.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

"I know you don't like what I'm saying, but it's true."

If you read a little more than just the surface, you might have seen I was commenting on human nature in general. We don't want nice companions: nice is just a way of calling women plain or men spineless. The problem is, you can't live with someone brash, exciting and dynamic. It wears thin and people who have to work to achieve the "American Standard" can't maintain it. That's why most men who wake up in their 40's with a minivan and a mortgage realize they have become soulless drones as a way to cope with the grind of achieving said standard.

Pick what you want, but don't complain about it when you get it.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

I have a feeling you'll be on a State Police website somewhere eventually if you really think this.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

People are people. We want everything.

Men and women want someone who is exciting, beautiful, intelligent, strong, sexy, shy, playful, Clark Kent, Superman, Catwoman and Selina Kyle all rolled into one. It's evidenced in all of our media. We want someone who can screw like a porn star that we can bring home to meet our family and raise children while working their day job being a supermodel astrophysicist.

The same girl who told you "you're too nice" is going to be looking for a man like you years from now, while telling her friends "she never meets any nice guys, just bastards." Relationships are a learning experience. However, you also can't let these girls get you down. If you're not out there meeting anyone, how are you going to meet someone who respects you for who you are?

Well put, friend.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones

I think you're absolutely right. I think the key is you need to act like you're all those things while still being yourself. It's a tough act to pull off, but I think the people we think of as suave and cool while still retaining manners and sophisication do exactly that. I think of celebrities like Pierce Brosnan or Brad Pitt when writing that.

On the second point, who knows if that's the case. As it's been said in this thread, "too nice" can mean a lot of things. What I do know is I've gotten it regularly, so I'm just remarking on this one situation. This situation was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It may be a product of my age group or it just may be a product of being seen as weak because I'm relatively well-mannered and introverted. Whatever the case, I need to change up something while still being myself.

I guess it's just a sore subject with me because I thought I'd married a "nice guy". Didn't give up on him for the longest time, either. But oh well. He wasn't who he appeared to be.

So I'm 3 months into a relationship with another nice guy. He's charismatic, friendly, outgoing, drama-free, and just comfortable to be with. So, despite the failure of the marriage, my goals never changed. (And I had this one vetted first, LOL.)

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When he's underwater does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead?