Example: I dated a guy for 3 years when my son was a baby/toddler. He was handsome, wealthy, successful, charismatic, intelligent, and talented. He asked me and my son to move in with him after a year of dating, and I did.
This man was an alcoholic and a drug addict and had a porn addiction. However, he was so far the opposite of every stereotype of all the bad things that he did, that no one suspected that a rocket scientist with government clearance could be that kind of guy.
Except me. Because he took it out on me at home. Every night.
He used to kick me out of the house once a week in a drunken fit. He'd sit in his chair watching TV, get **** faced, and out of the blue tell me to "get the **** out." There was no reasoning with him. It didn't matter that my son and I had nowhere to go. He would get up and through my stuff out on the porch, I would cry, and go get my son out of bed and put him in the carseat in the car. I would sit in the car, parked in the driveway and cry and pray. After about an hour, he would come outside and look at me like I was crazy and ask "What are you doing??" Then his voice would get all soft and sweet and he would help me out of the car, carry my sleeping son, and quietly say "come on lets go inside." He made me feel crazy, like I had just decided out of the blue to go sit in my car and cry with my belongings strewn in the yard.
Later, towards the end of our relationship, He OD'ed on coke and almost died....I called 911 and told the paramedics exactly what he had taken and how much....and his parents blamed ME when he got arrested! His mother insisted that I was the reason he drank and did drugs, and he wouldn't be in trouble if I had just flushed it down the toilet before the police got there.
I spent 3 years with this man taking him to church, Narc-Anon, AA, therapy, etc. I did **** that a woman can and it wasn't enough.
My whole point though, Foamy, is that I left this man and came back. Left him and came back. Left him and came back. I did it for 3 years. Why? Because I felt guilty. Because I felt like it was my fault. Because I felt like if maybe I would stop complaining everything would be ok. Maybe I was making to big a deal out of it. He was rich and handsome and charismatic and everyone loved him! It surely must have been MY fault! If I could just figure out what it is, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK, right??
I was so wrong. It took my friends having an intervention and even then I still didn't leave, until the night that I came home from work and he was not there but my baby boy was all alone and said "momma I scared!"
Don't let your guilt cloud your judgement. You will feel lots of conflicting things, but like me, hopefully, you will be able to look back at this years later and realize how awesome you were, how you tried everything and did your best....and hopefully didn't allow yourself to get as manipulated as I did.
*hugs*
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
