The Glade 4.0

So over the last few weeks I've been noticing a growing sense of emotional pain, equivalent to loss, growing inside me. I've been trying to figure out where it is coming from as I've been very happy for the last month or so. I spend a ton of time with friends and family, I am not in a relationship but I'm finding that very refreshing, I've been volunteering and getting more involved with my church, work is going well. Basically everywhere I look I like what I see in my life currently.

Finally though I think I've nailed it down to the abortion my ex had. I haven't thought about it for a long time, I haven't been intentionally shying away from the thought, it just hasn't arisen. Last night I was lying in bed and it hit me that my daughter will never experience Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years. Her life as it could've been ran through my head. She'll never have a first day of school, won't play with my dogs, she never had a chance to and never will. Admittedly it would not have been an ideal situation for her, myself or my ex but plenty of people have historically thrived through adversity.

I am not really soliciting advice or anything but I needed somewhere to vent this without drawing pitying stares or making people uncomfortable.

_________________

I'm not quite sure how to express it, but I hope you get through this and find happiness again.

_________________
In time, this too shall pass.

Though I can't directly relate to the pain you are feeling, I can sympathize with you in a way.

A lot has happened to me over past year and a half that has caused me to reevaluate and and rethink many things in my life.

I have had those moments of introspection and can definately feel your pain in a way.

I hope you find a way to come to terms and find peace in what has happened. All the best to you.

_________________
This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

I hope your revelation last night can help you to find a place where the feelings of pain, sadness and anger are at least shadows of what they are now.

Peace, brother.

_________________
"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Hopwin,

There was a point in time during my wife's pregnancy where it went from "my wife is pregnant" to "my son".

I don't know why, but it really happened almost overnight. Once that switch is flipped, there's no going back. You will always view yourself as a dad.

We lost one early in a pregnancy due to miscarriage and I just don't feel the same way. The switch was never thrown, I guess.

It has to be tough. I don't know, and can't really say anything that would be of any value. Sorry man.

The holidays are a time of family and as you get on in age, you get clucky. You realise that you're not content, and you want more. What you don't relise is, the grass is always greener on the other side (think sliding doors).
Regret's never changed anything. Be safe in the knowledge that your child would not have to suffer a single day in this god forsaken world, she/he would never know pain or sorrow or disappointment as much as she/he would not have experienced the positive.

Then go out there, procreate, and rectify your situation.

I'm not saying you aren't justified in feeling this way, but you aren't alone Hopwin. Lord knows you've had enough **** in your life in the last few years and I've been there a time or two in relation to my own circumstances. Do a little reading on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and consider whether or not this may be affecting you.

If it might, consider some counseling. The lows get pretty damn low.

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

*huggles*

_________________
"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville