The Glade 4.0

Greetings. My name is Mr. Outside.

Your country is failing. It is in decline. On its way out. Whether you realize it or not, you believe this too, and you strongly wish to save it. This is why I have chosen you to be your country's savior.

I realize that this is not a simple task. Do not despair. I have given you a cell phone which connects you to your concierge, Juiz. Juiz's only job is to accomplish anything you demand of her. She is woman of seemingly infinite resourcefulness. If you wish for the president/prime minster to say "uncle" on TV, so shall it be. If you wish for someone to be killed or imprisoned, she can certainly make that happen. Anything you might wish to purchase can be yours. We place no ethical or legal restrictions on what you demand. Our only interest is that you save your country.

There are limits, though. And rules.

However capable, Juiz is not supernatural. She has an uncanny ability to know exactly how to make things happen, but she still deals in concrete reality. She cannot do the physically impossible, and your requests must be concrete. There is no point in asking her to turn you into a pig or demanding that she just "make everyone get along". As well, while she is willing to use any means necessary to accomplish your demands, she cannot change the underlying reality of what means are necessary. Do not fear -- she won't do anything illegal or that you would find unethical (we've been studying you for some time) without asking permission. You may specify which means you would like her to employ, but this may affect the cost or make certain tasks impossible.

On the subject of cost, all of Juiz's expenses towards meeting your demands will be charged to your account. I have allocated a significant, but finite amount of money at her disposal for this purpose. I have other countries to save, so I must allocate my money according to the size of the problem. The amount at your disposal depends on your nation's GDP and is as follows:

USA: $400M USD
Canada: $40M CAD
U.K.: £40M GBP
Australia: $25M AUD

This mission must be completed. As it is something you have always wanted to do (whether you realize that or not), I doubt this will be an issue. But if you should abandon the mission, you will be killed. There is no particular time constraint involved, but if you go for long periods of time without utilizing Juiz (and therefore the money), and no results are produced, we will consider this to be dereliction. You must spend all of the money. When the account has been exhausted, you will be judged. If the nation has not been saved, you will be executed.

Noblesse oblige. I pray for your continuing service as a savior.

("Editor's" note:

This is lifted from the series Eden of the East. I thought it was an interesting introspection. In case it isn't clear, the point of the thread is to answer how you would save your country.)

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Noblesse oblige.

First post!

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The Dude abides.

Was an entertaining series.. maybe I'll have to think of a response.

/bonk

I'll work on this later.

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I prefer to think of them as "Fighting evil in another dimension"

^_^ This Juiz and please continue the bussing program until all $400M USD have been depleted.

Also, bonk.

In my humblest of opinions you can't fix the country because the society that makes it up is a bunch of people and you can't change people.

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pfft considering the current exchange rate... I dub your price unfair =P We should at least be on par with Canada =P

I find the amount allocated to be insufficient for any purpose except removing the most despicable of those currently ruining this country. Rebuilding the country, truly saving it is going to require investment in the billions.

Nevertheless, Juiz, live up to your reputation and plan a method to take the first $40 million and disrupt the serial looting of companies by their CEOs and other high executives in a nonlethal manner. Mortal embarrassment will be sufficient. If they take their own lives in disgrace or remorse that will not be a problem for us.

Invest the second $40 million in technology developing the solid state memory devices that will advance personal computers to the next evolution. Keep all production American. Let the world come to us.

Let us develop this path for the next six months and see where it takes us.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I would tell Juiz to invest the money into index funds, bonds, etc. I don't think that we should destabilize the system too much... and people are already doing this (Wikileaks).

What exactly does it mean for a nation to be "saved"? Everyone in it lives the perfect life?

edit:

If Juiz is so amazing, I would tell her to invent 16nm lithography fabrication technology.

it might have been.

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I'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

400 mil is just about enough to run for and win a US Senate seat. I'm gonna need deeper pockets.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

If Juiz is so resourceful, I would ask she make herself hot. My first order if business would be a 3 week vacation consisting of visits to Jackson's Hole, Utah and then Breckenridge/Keystone/Silverthorne.

How much does it cost to amend the Constitution or can that be done solely though her persuasive powers.

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I prefer to think of them as "Fighting evil in another dimension"

Have Juiz arrange that the next 10 big lottery jackpots are all won by a "person" but actually go to me. Then maybe we will have the funding to consider saving anything but small groups.

Course my idea of saving is removing what I consider bad and protecting the rest while everything else burns.

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A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. ~ John Stuart Mill

Hire 40 people for 2 million a year and then get them all cabinet positions. Get them to, on the same day all expose governmental activities that bring huge amounts of public backlash against each agency all while making sure they fire the most competent people and hire the most ill competent so even a replacement head is handicapped by a staff that has no idea how to run anything.

Hire assassins to remove those in the way. Average hit is 10k, figure 50k for a political drone of some sort.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Juiz, go to China. Get into their financial accounting systems and have them forgive the debt owed by the United States in return for Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Taylor Swift immigrating to China. Make sure those three immigrate to China, permanently.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I think I'd just shake my head and say "Wow, those Nigerians sure are getting creative!" as I deleted the email...

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Thread winner.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones