The Glade 4.0

If only Heracles had such power!
If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!

Pros: Quickly tears through scales, fur, bone, and adamantium with ease
Coils and uncoils from hip holster (optional) quickly and quietly
For a product fabricated from 1,000 Onyx Dragon fetuses, the price is unbelievably reasonable!

Cons: Shipping from the R'lyeh took far too long
Doesn't come in 10' lengths (which would be perfect for hydra, cerberii and other multi-headed creatures)
After every use, I can feel 6 ounces of my soul slipping from my core into the ether. But this may be due to the fact that I prefer to work without gloves. YMMV.

Overall, I would recommend that any hunter buy one, nay, two, of these immediately, and experience the difference that upgrading to the K2 will make in your next quest!

I have only a little time...
We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long... I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this... accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the... whispers... began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly... we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don't want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out... oh, god, the screaming... the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN'T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!

My cats chewed on this cable and now they can both speak. One of them is gay and the other wants to kill me. I would have rather not known.

Like many people, I first learned of AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cables when Tom Wopat appeared in the sky to do that infomercial. I admit, I was skeptical at first--the production values seemed pretty mediocre for such an expensive terminated cable, and I was unimpressed that Wopat's polo shirt matched the one worn by the AudioQuest spokeswoman.

Still, I felt like, okay, the wife and I live in a pretty affluent neighborhood. There's a lot of one-upsmanship at dinner parties here. Have you ever read Robert Musil? No? You should.

I was a little worried that I'm not enough of an audiophile to truly make full use of these cables. Quite the opposite, really. My suspicion was well-founded--when I got them home I immediately attached them to the Bose product I bought from the Sharper Image catalog a few years ago. Not a chance. Then I tried running them through my son's Nintendo Wii. I found that I could now score points by bashing oversized tennis balls and causing major damage to what appeared to be real African cities at some point in the distant future. That was neat, but not really why you pay more than $6K for terminated speaker cables.

The function that really sold me on this product in the first place was the "Cone of Silence" feature, and once I rigged my AudioQuests to the sump pump in the basement I knew they'd be worth every penny. You may remember Herodotus writing about a tribe in the Macedonian hinterlands that had exceptionally short ear canals? I'm descended from those people on my mother's side. I can't even begin to describe to you how I experience things you take for granted, like air travel, or rap interludes at a Denver Nuggets game. How about a thousand goats bleating on the sacrificial altar? I dunno...I haven't experienced that first-hand. But it seems about right.

Anyway, "Cone of Silence" is great. The minute I hear the neighbor's leaf blower revving up, I just head down to the basement and it's like Calgon-take-me-awayyy. I turn it on during our dinner parties and all I can hear is the sound of my own chewing, which to me sounds like a D5 bulldozer emptying several tons of gravel in an echo chamber. Guests just keep going on like they were before--they don't even know the difference. My son calls it "STFU Mode." We've bonded over that.

Only drawback I've noticed is that Cone of Silence mode might interfere with small aircraft navigational systems. I've been seeing some weird stories on the news lately that I wonder about.

Still, great product. 5 Stars!

Is this even real?

Is this even real?

Only 1 left in stock - order soon.

Do not buy these cables, December 3, 2010
By Bandin - They're TOO good. I plugged these things into my 50W Magnavox 2.1 surround receiver and they impregnated my daughter. And I don't even have a daughter. I had to return them so I can afford the pregnant daughter that my future wife is going to give birth to.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin

AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker Cable
Requires Engineering (525)
Item Level 333
Use: K2 Terminated Speaker Cable can shock a dead ally back to life. Cannot be used when in combat. (30 Min Cooldown)
Sell Price: 4g

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin