The Glade 4.0

My phone rings. It's a user in Vancouver that I helped yesterday, they must have gotten my number when I called them. (**** Call Display.)

LUser: "Yeah, Jackie, my laptop keyboard isn't working this morning."

Now, my mild irritation at someone calling me directly rather than going through the helpdesk is typically overridden by a desire to be nice -- or at least to get off the phone as fast as possible. But in this case, i'd have to send it back to the helpdesk anyway so they can escalate to our hardware vendor, so I might as well send this clumsy coffee drinker to the helpdesk, where he belongs, right?

Me: "Have you spoken to the helpdesk about the issue?"

LUser: "Nah. They won't help me."

Me: "Why not?"

LUser: "It's not a company computer, it's my personal laptop."

Me: "..."

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Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves, Scheherezade had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves you got a brand of magic never fails...
...Mister Aladdin, sir, What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, Jot it down -You ain't never had a friend like me
█ ♣ █

Woo! Send him a bill, from your accounts receivable, for your company time that he stole.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

Not sure if it works in Canada, but *67 will block your info when you call out.

Sorry to hear it though.

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Les Zombis et les Loups-Garous!

I didn't realize this actually happened. I thought it was an urban legend IT story....

...that is until today.

User: (comes to my desk) Help!!! I have killed my computer.

Me: What happened?

User: I moved my monitor and there is nothing.

Me: (internal *headdesk*) sounds like a loose connection. Lets go have a look.

User: Yeah, I checked the connections and nothing seems loose.

Me: (at user's desk) /looks at monitor and notices the power button is not lit.
/presses power button. *MAGIC*
/wonders what to say to not make user feel like incompetent buffoon.

User: /babbles trying not to seem like an incompetent buffoon.

I walked away smiling trying not to laugh.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

This is what separates a competent tech from a great one. Just as a reference. Work on it, you'll be glad you did.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

I usually say something on the order of, "Thanks! I like the easy ones." Or, say something self-deprecating, like, "I do that all the time, don't worry."

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

Try to remember (or *invent*) two or three short anecdotes of things you have done like that and laugh and tell them your story...it puts them at ease. Like say, "aw don't worry about it, it happens to everyone. Why, one time I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out why my bluetooth keyboard wasn't working and it turned out that I put the batteries in backwards!"

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Beats finding out a 3 year old application at the company has no group to support it in Problem Management. A trail of tickets that were closed with "unable to find resolver group" which in my mind is NOT a resolution to the issue.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

I like to mention the time that I lobbed my power cord at my bed when I sat on it while trying to figure out why my PC would not power on...

Usually makes the buffoon feeling go away. Especially when coupled with "we all miss the little things once in a while"

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

I have a tech problem at my work. Every winter our user's mouses and keyboards die after being left idle for ~5 minutes. It only happens in the winter and the mouse and keyboard are resurrected if you unplug them from the USB and plug them back in. I suspect the dry winter air is creating issues with static building up in the ports and/or case but can't figure out how to stop it.

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Have the users work remotely from home on their own personal PC's until spring?

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Are the offending mice and keyboard all made by the same manufacturer?

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

You obviously got the discounted versions that came with the free 'seasonal' drivers. You have to pay extra, and a small monthly fee to get the all-year-round drivers...

No, it happens with Logitech EQ and Dell EQ mice/keyboards on Dell, Compaq (old enough that it really was Compaq when acquired) and HP systems (desktops and laptops).

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