The Glade 4.0

Just when you think things couldn't get any worse..you hit a new low and someone tells you something that hits home. You try to explain/blame it away...but in the end, it's still there. So, I'm trying to take ownership of my traits and the person I have become because of things I've been through. It doesn't excuse them, not by far. But I have to start somewhere. It's hard to admit and face some of the things, but I figured I have to face my fears and try and do something about it or just continue down the path I am of unhappiness. I have PTSD and it's started to make life a little more difficult, I started taking some med's that hopefully will help. It's been easy to hide from people, but getting harder and it has made me not so fun to be around, to put it mildly. I'm becoming someone I loath. I am also passive/aggressive..I'm starting to see those traits in myself when I have taken a cold hard look at things Ive done and how I have acted. I have good days..when things seem wonderful..then the smallest thing will hit me wrong...remind me of my ex...and all the feelings flood in and overwhelm me. This is the first time I've totally evaluated myself and I don't like the person I see. Today is an up day..so I figured I would put this in writing so I can't push it away and act like it's not me.

I'm trying to keep myself honest about my actions. Hopefully the "up" days will be more and the "down" days will be recognizable so I can work through them and not rationalize them away. It's so easy to not be truthful with myself..


Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Sorry to ramble..I just needed to put this in writing so I am accountable to myself.

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time with it. It sounds like you're doing everything you can, sought help, self-evaluation, all you are missing is time and distance which have to come on their own.

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I can relate to a lot of those thoughts and feelings, Kirra. Considering what you have been through, I hope you realize that what you are going through now in the aftermath are perfectly normal emotional, psychological, and behavioral reactions. Sounds like you are taking a very healthy approach to healing your wounds, and I'm proud of you for facing it even though its not always glamorous and pretty and most definitely not easy.
Keep doing what you are doing and you will be doing much better before you know it! *huggzies!*

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Good for you for recognizing this about yourself and taking positive steps.

Like anything that requires change, don't obsess about the slip ups or "down" days. Acknowledge them, and do what you can to prevent/minimize them and move on. The more you can look at them as learning opportunities instead of failures, the better you'll be able to overcome them.

Kirra, take good care of yourself. (Sounds like you already are)

We're always here to rant and ramble to anytime.

All the best to you.

/hugs

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

Awesome, Kirra, I'm proud of you for recognizing this and taking ownership of your life and what you want out of it. Good for you!

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Women are from Hoboken, men are from Trenton. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

you can do it Kirra, we are here for you.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Rounlin???

Kirra, You're blessed to have good self-reflection. Keep working at it and don't beat yourself up over bad days. You will be in my prayers.

Your already farther along than most people that suffer from it by recognizing it and seek help. Stay strong and keep getting help.

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I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil

/agree Killuas

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

I echo Colphax's sentiments. We're all proud of you Kirra.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

I'm going to go with Elessar's advice on this one.

J/k
We're here for you Kirra, and while we can only understand some of what you're feeling know that many of us are quite proud to have someone like you choose to hang around this place with us.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Hang in there Kirra, it can only get better for you!!

As others have said, we are here for you...rant away as needed!

/hugs

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

You are doing the right thing. You recognize the problem and are getting treatment.

If possible you may want to consider therapy along with medication.

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Memento Vivere

I have local knowledge.
That sandbar was not there yesterday!

We're here for you Kirra, any time. I'm glad you're getting help.

/hugs

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I applaud your determination to change, Kirra...

but when I read the title and saw the author I was hoping for something a bit ... racier.



Good luck!

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In time, this too shall pass.

Hugs and thanks so much for the encouragement, it does help me.


PS Tas...just what did you hope I would confess. O.o. :p

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Your triangle affair with a bactrian and a llama.

Taskiss is predictable that way.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Probably "I kissed a girl and I liked it" hahaha!

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth