The Glade 4.0

Probably not. We never shut up either, and we've been putting up with it for almost 8 years now

_________________
Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

If you think you can get a word in edgewise you'd be a perfect fit.

I see a different take on this. IMO, you should ask yourself, "Am I willing to risk losing what I have now in order to explore this other situation?"
I doubt that question gets asked often enough.

It gets asked a great deal... generally about a quarter of an hour after its too late for the realization it brings to be of any help.

_________________
"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

The other half of this is the question "Am I so afraid of losing what I have that I am unwilling to take a chance on something that may make us both even happier?"

Both questions are equally valid for all major life decisions. Changing jobs, moving, having children, going back to school... they are all things that need to be run through both questions.

Um, /bonk?

_________________

Seconded.
/bonkbonk

_________________
Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

See? And I'm totally not even jealous.

But it's not necessarily about fear. It'd be quite valid to be about value. "I value our relationship enough to not want to put it at risk." You can argue that it's fear, but I wouldn't see it that way; rather, I would see my partner placing me at such a high level of value that the momentary pleasure of exploring some desire would not be justifiable.

To each his own, though. Just offering a contrary opinion.

+1 wifey.
+1 /bonk too

_________________

Another /bonk, welcome!

Wow your first post you dived into the deep smelly end of the pool (Hellfire in general not necessarily this thread).

_________________
I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil

So apply that to the other situations."I value our relationship enough to not want to put it at risk (by changing jobs, having children, or moving away from my hometown)". Clearly a lot of people either undervalue their relationship or are willing to take the risk. Or they feel that their relationship is stable enough that it will be just fine. Some are. Some aren't. And for as many times as the couple ends up saying "Oh, we shouldn't have done that" there are some saying "Wow, why were we so afraid of this?"

Lurked here for awhile, mainly in the gaming forum. Thanks to all for the welcome.

I'm not trying to convince anyone one way or the other. I'm just pointing out that there can be a high cost. I feel sympathy for those who gamble and lose. If you really, really don't want to lose, don't gamble.

Agreed. And certainly don't gamble if you're already on rocky ground in any of those cases. "The spark is gone, lets have a threesome" is as bad an idea as "Hmm... he's wandering, I'd better get pregnant." or "We're arguing a lot, lets move to Chicago".

Boy, I think we've changed somehow as a community on this board. The first time this came up, there were many heads exploding.

_________________
This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

Most of us have been around for 10+ years and have heard it all before(as a matter of fact, I remember more explicit stories on the subject). Just another day at the Glade.

_________________
Los Angeles Kings 2014 Stanley Cup Champions

"I love this **** team right here."
-Jonathan Quick

Most folks I know who've chosen a poly lifestyle have done it because they felt something was "missing" in their "primary" relationship". They went looking for a third party to fill than that need.

_________________
"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

I suspect there's plenty of heads exploding, at home.

That isn't a necessarily invalid viewpoint, but those things aren't direct, inherent risks to a relationship the way poly behavior is. A romantic relationship is, inherently, about who you are physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually attracted to, and a poly situation can threaten any or all of those.

Where you live, what work you do, and even having kids don't threaten it just be the very nature of the activity. They can, but the risk is more indirect by creating situations that put pressure on the relationship rather than directly messing with the paradigm of "I'm attracted to you and you to me".

Poly relationships can work when there is significant gender imbalance in a population, and othewise with certain people, but for most people the risk is simply going to exceed the potential reward. Sure, maybe nothing bad will come of it, but is the potential bad worth the risk?

Your question mainly has value in reversing the leading nature of the original question. Essentially, you just asked it but in such a way as to suggest the reverse of the original. That's still good, in terms of pointing out multiple perspectives, but the actual answer is more often going to be "it's not worth it" in our society.

_________________
"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Absolutely, but the risk is still there. The risk:reward ratio is very different, but it's still a risk, and should be undertaken with awareness. But the paradigm of "I can't imagine ever being without you" is different than "I can't imagine being with anyone but you"; one can work fine with open/poly relationships and one won't.


Is it ever? Only the person faced with the decision can answer that. And only someone looking honestly at their relationship and partner can assess the level of risk in the first place. But you're right... it's a big risk for a lot of people. I don't recommend it for everyone, all I recommend is that people make the decision based on something beyond "I saw something on it on Maury and it always ruins everything".


You're right. But each couple should come to their own conclusion on the matter without being told that it's always a relationship killer. I try to be up front about my experiences. And mostly I wish people would stop assuming that people in this sort of relationship don't love their partners as much as people who chose traditional partnerships. Shel and I didn't say "Well, if this ruins us then it's not a big deal since we're only marginally in love anyway" we said "Since we've decided that this is forever, wanna try something different with our forever? If it doesn't work we'll stop." It works for us.

Yes, clearly the risk is still there. That was my point; not that there isn't any risk, but that it is different in both degree and kind. You seemed to imply that aversion to risk of the poly kind was somehow inconsistent with lack of aversion to other sorts of risk, which is not the case.



Indeed, only that person can answer that. I was stating that they had to ask themselves that, not asking the question as a rhtorical way to say that it isn't worth it.



I don't believe anyone here has said it is always a relationship killer. What I'm pointing out is that it is not a 50/50 proposition where poly relationships would be vastly more common if couples would be more willing to explore the idea (as in, thinking about it and discussing it, not necessarily trying it). The nature of human emotions is such that misunderstandings and jealously creep in easily, and a lot of people simply don't need to put themselves in a position to risk that, and I think most of them basically understand that.

_________________
"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

I agree completely. I suspect that if every couple made an honest, open evaluation only about one in ten would give it a try, and half of those would give it up after a few experiences.

Or you could just be a naturally posessive person. If some girl drapped herself all over my guy, she'd be facing death by blunt spork before she has a chance to realise who she's drapped over.

Of course to be fair, I'd perform the same ritual on any guy whom i'm not in a relationship with, who might decide to drape themself over me.

Offer him a pedicure, then a manicure. Get him good and relaxed, then when he nods off on you, mwahahaha

_________________
The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones