UPDATE:
The makers of the video have now blogged, (I got a link through the email newsletter...aren't you jealous??), and are asking "Do Collective Apologies Heal or Harm?"
I really think these guys may be onto something here.
http://arjunaardagh.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/1494/Quote:
We put together a movie of our manifesto called “Dear Woman.” We put it up on YouTube, thinking that the members of our Facebook group would enjoy it. We announced it to them on April 2nd.
We had no way to anticipate what was going to happen next.
In the intervening ten days, that amateur little movie has been viewed by over 350,000 people. Some women obviously appreciated the gesture, and were forgiving of the slightly happy-go-lucky style of our film. Some women were offended, saying they found it patronizing or insincere. Some men (the minority, mind you) resonated with the message, but the overwhelming majority of the men who saw the video were completely enraged. A civil war has been going on on that YouTube page ever since, with the majority of comments in total-war attack mode. We even received three death threats.
The major offensive came with people assuming that Dr. Hendricks and I are a gay couple, and every kind of debasing slur has been hurled at us. I never knew what it was like to be the victim of gay hatred, being a heterosexual man, but now I know. It ain’t pretty.
Ironically, the second offensive came with people assuming that this was a cunning strategy to “get laid.” “This is the only way that those two old guys could possibly get any,” one rioter lobbed at us. Again, this is ironic because we are both in marriages that are off-the-charts fulfilling in every way.
But the more serious objections came from those who questioned if it’s sane, valid, necessary, or even “allowed” to offer an apology for things you did not personally do. Many of the men who posted were outraged that we would have the audacity to speak on behalf of other people, most of whom are no longer alive.
This is actually a really interesting question.
I have a friend who was in born in Israel, but moved to the United States before he was old enough to enter the army. He wound up becoming roommates with a young Palestinian boy, in his freshman year of university. There they were, the first day, in the same room. My young Israeli friend had never done anything to harm any Palestinians, but he felt moved that first day to say, “Listen. I know what my people have done to yours, and I’m really sorry.” The Palestinian reciprocated the apology, and they quickly became friends.
Was that conversation sane, necessary, and allowed? Can white people apologize on behalf of their ancestors for what was done to African Americans a long, long time ago? Could a young German express deep regret for what his forefathers did to the Jews?
Can collective apologies initiate healing where it would otherwise not have occurred, or do they simply create guilt and shame in people who have done nothing wrong?
Dr. Hendricks and I will be addressing the many comments that have been made about this video on a tele-seminar this Thursday, April 14th, at 6pm PST. You’re welcome to attend. If you miss the live event, you can register anyway to listen to the replay.
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