The Glade 4.0

So, materially, I'm doing ok, and in these times that shouldn't be underestimated; but Ladykates comments on ambition and stress, and Mikes on his injury rendering him hpusebound, poked a thought, and I wondered... To those of you in young middle age, 30, 40, or having navigated past those years...

How do you balance the future vs now? The effort building & maintaining a decent job, looking after a home, building a relationship, with a city life where folks move all the time, friends distribute and have families...

I kinda wonder when the time for a socially rich life will come, and if I'll even be equipped to make best of it, if I keep specialising more and more at becoming a more effective worker bee.

Where's the diminishing return set in? Maybe I should think about self employment....

How do/did you balance it all? Did you get it right? Do you find it easy to resurrect old acquaintance and turn them into friends?


Hrmmm.

Matt

I don't think I've got a lot of insight, here.

Except to suggest that if you feel like you've got a lot of things demanding your attention already, self-employment probably won't reduce that.

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

You basically asked the modern version of "what is the meaning of life?"

You need to determine what is important to you, and what percentage of your energy you wish to spend on each priority. Then, develop a plan to achieve that balance.

For me, the priorities are family, self, work, and friends. The % energy is somewhere around 40, 40, 29, 1. You know you are in balance when you don't think too much about the balance. For me, right now, work is about 60, which is way out of whack for me. I'm tired, my shoes have holes in them, I'm not exercising, and my wife is a little annoyed. So I am working to bring things back in balance (ironically, that means a temporary state of working even harder).

As for life, I'm a good little suburban middle class family guy, so I maintain retirement investments and such. However, the reality is that I am always focused on 3 years out. I have found that nearly any goal can be accomplished in 3 years (other than retirement), and it's a short enough span to identify if you are on the wrong path. In other words, if I want to be HERE in 3 years, I need to be doing THIS, THIS, and THIS now. This has yet to fail me.

It's hard, man. The 30s are the settling down years. But that is not settling down in terms of demands on your time. Quite the opposite. It's a time of staking your place in the world. You've already decided WHAT you will be, the 30s determine WHO you will be.

Just don't forget to prioritize the SELF into your list.

I made "rules", like "Don't work more than 40 hrs a week", "work to live, don't live to work", and "take wife out on a date at least twice a month", and "if you don't remember when you bought wife flowers last, get your *** to the store".

They're more than guidelines. They're RULES. I still break them every so often, but I'm only human.

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In time, this too shall pass.

I know a guy who is well educated, and considered a highly sought after security consultant.

He only works a few months out of the year. He rents a small room in a friends basement for $250 a month, and spends most his time camping and hiking, and traveling to places where he can do those things. He owns an inexpensive car that he rarely drives.

In short, he is maintaining his proficiency and working just enough to support the lifestyle he loves so he can do and see things now, while he's young.

His attitude is that he doesn't want to work his *** off maintaining a high end lifestyle (living the american dream?) and have to wait till he is in his 50s or 60's, or later to retire, and then not have the energy or physical ability (or possibly the means) to do those things he loves. He wants to do them now while his mind and body can enjoy it.

Have children...then watch the scales tip. Truth is, I'd rather watch my kids play baseball than take a continuing education course or hit whatever other social scene exists for those of middling age. Although I fully agree with Taskiss: one should never stop dating their significant other.

Arathain has given away the secret. Find a way to expend 110%.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Doh.

The older I get the more I become dead-set against making my adulthood like another childhood. I feel driven to accomplish things and to give back to those around me. I envision being a doctor as the perfect combination of those two things. It will challenge me in a way that I will enjoy and it will allow me to make positive changes for other people. The salary will also (hopefully) allow me to be more charitable than I already am.

I don't have hobbies right now. I don't touch video games while school is in session. I don't drink. About all I do is enjoy eating out with my wife. I want to spend time with my family and I want to leave a legacy behind to inspire others. I want to live a life above reproach and be able to show my son that you can accomplish your dreams.

I won't consider it a wasted life if I never traveled the world or have a "socially rich life."

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The Dude abides.

I think you perhaps misunderstand what I mean by that - without meaningful social connection, people are just statistics. Church may give you your social richness; I don't attend. I mean more than getting wasted and killing time.

Somedays won't end ever and somedays pass on by,
I'll be working here forever, at least until I die.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't
I'm supposed to get a raise week, you know damn well I won't.

Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.

Hey I'm not complaining 'cause I really need the work
Hitting up my buddy's got me feeling like a jerk
Hundred dollar car note, two hundred rent.
I get a check on Friday, but it's all ready spent.

Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.

Ooh, Workin' for a livin'
Ooh, taking what they giving
Ooh, Workin' for a livin'
Ooh, ooh

Bus boy, bartender, ladies of the night
Grease monkey, ex-junky, winner of the fight
Walking on the streets it's really all the same
Selling souls, rock n' roll, any other day

Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin' (workin')
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.

Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'
I'm taking what they giving 'cause I'm working for a livin'.
Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin'

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

I really enjoy working as hard as I can right now for my job. I work all day and then go home and work way into the night (I take breaks obviously). Its really rewarding when I get things done ahead of schedule and accomplish a lot. I've put my social life to the side right now but don't really care. I'm sure this will change. I'm only 24 though. I don't know how things get when you age.

Just be careful. This can be hard to reverse.

Lex, it is good to build your skills and career. Getting your job done ahead of schedule will make your bosses happy and as long as its done right ensure you keep that job you like.

However, you won't promote without social skills.

A suggestion: Take at the very least four hours every week on one of your days off and schedule it out of the house. You're earning money, take this as some discretionary time. Go on a walk or a hike, go to a concert in the park, take a class, martial arts is a good one for keeping in shape, arts classes can broaden your horizons, look up something on http://www.meetup.com/ that interests you and go do it.

Arathain is right. you're being a budding young workaholic and this can hurt you down the road. Make sure you have interests outside your job or you may have tough times emotionally if/when it eventually goes away.

Suineko, no,it usually isn't easy to resurrect old friendships, you've both moved on and developed other interests and aren't the people you once were that made you friends. Making new friends is usually a whole lot less effort. I'm not saying toss the old friends, but just don't expect things to go back to what they were years ago.

What you do is up to you, just be sure it is your dream and not trying to live someone else's.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Thanks, that's some pretty good advice. I went hiking today with my family and the dog around Blue Hills. The weather was great. I'll become more socially active when I'm ready to.

I have heard this a lot. My favorite was "one night at the bar with the gang is worth a month of hard work". BS, I say.

People with this attitude have generally either ended up fired or working for me

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I talk to people at work... I sit right by all my coworkers.

I think the saying is "A compromising picture of your boss is worth a thousand words of brown-nosing".

Another advantage of not being social, then... generally no one around to take compromising pictures.

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It really depends on the culture of your work place and the level of social-interaction desired by your immediate superior(s) I'd say.

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Yup, as someone who has had their job saved by making time to go to happy hours, boss's parties, I can tell you it works. When the list of layoffs comes up, it adds weight (however, you also need to be good at your job. Just gives you an extra boost.)