The Glade 4.0

Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?

All things dull and ugly, all creatures short and squat. All things rude and nasty, the Lord God made the lot. Each little snake that poisons, each little wasp that stings. He made their brutish venum, he made their horrid wings. All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small. All things foul and dangerous, the Lord God made them all. Each nasty little hornet, each beastly little squid. Who made the spiny urchin? Who made the sharks? He did! All things scabbed and ulcerous, all pox both great and small. Putrid foul and gangrenous, the Lord God made them all. Amen.

You want me to kill the enemies of Jappos, I'll kill the enemies of Jappos... Rebs, Sioux, Cheyenne... For 500 bucks a month, I'll kill whoever you want. But keep one thing in mind: I'd happily kill you for free.

Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Business bad? **** you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? **** you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning, huh? **** you, pay me.

I'm super! Thanks for asking!

He's pitching against time. He's pitching against the future, against age, and even when you think about his career, against ending. And tonight I think he might be able to use that aching old arm one more time to push the sun back up in the sky and give us one more day of summer.

Facism is not a school of thought, it is a racial slur.

Obscure :p Big Fish.

I coulda been better. I coulda broke every record in the book.

I coulda been better. I coulda broke every record in the book.

I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?

The price is wrong, B*tch!

Do ever want to just grab someone and say...WTF is wrong with you?

Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ***, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying Go to hell! too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.

I know, I know. I'm gonna use good judgement. I haven't lost my temper in forty years, but pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won't, I won't. The *hell* I won't!

Happy Gilmore

When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ***. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Drops 'em right to the floor. Everyone jumps, he falls down, screaming, blood squirts out of his nose. Freaks everybody out. Nobody says ****' **** after that. You might get some ***** talk **** to ya. But give her a look, like you're gonna smash her in the face next. Watch her shut the **** up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. The managers know better than to **** around. So if one's givin' you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy. So what you gotta do is break that son-of-a-bitch in two. If you wanna know something he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell 'im his thumb's next. After that he'll
tell ya if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry, let's get a taco

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin

Black Sheep.

Lord of War

"My nuts are halfway up my a$$ but other than that i'm perfect!"

Weird Science

"One more thing. Do me a favor, don't go chasing waterfalls"
"Was that accidental or were you trying to quote TLC on purpose?"

Excuse me, Carl. How does one become a janitor?...'cause Andrew here was looking to pursue a career in the Custodial Arts.

Her: Can you pound a 6" nail through a board with your penis?
Him: Not right now...
Her: A girl's got to have her standards.

The Breakfast Club

.Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Do ever want to just grab someone and say...WTF is wrong with you?