The Glade 4.0

So, just now, my son (9 years old) walks up to me and starts telling me that he wants "a 4-wheeler with turbo boosters and a para-gliding parachute" so he can zoom through the skies...then he says "I want a parachute so I can jump off the roof...or that tree right there!"
So I said "Taylor, next thing I know you'll be on the roof in your undies with a cape saying you can fly!" He laughs at me and goes "Mom, I know enough about aerodynamics to know that an umbrella wouldn't work either!" and then he adds..."Well, maybe the power of my undies would make me fly!" He was totally kidding. I hope....

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Hah and they say boys are easier. That brings back some memories.

As for my 3 year old not sure if I mentioned this one here already but I got this text from my wife last December:

"Ethan decides to read the Christmas cards. He picks out one with a picture of the baby Jesus on it and says he is going to read it to me. I say, OK, what does it say? He opens it very seriously and "reads" - "New Jesus says its time to party"

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“Strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general”. - Mark Rippetoe

My wife got a new (used) minivan back in January, and she told our 5-year old that there would be no sprinkly, messy doughnuts eaten in it. The little one looks at her and says "That's ok mommy, Daddy will get them for me!"

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Hahahahahaha!!! Dash, That is hilarious!

DE, that is so true...kids just seem to know that Daddy is the soft one, haha!

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Either that, or he gives his children waaay more slack than us when they break out the cop stereotypes...

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"Aaaah! Emotions are weird!" - Amdee
"... Mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous. They are the symbol of the sun-staring visionary, the biker, the rocker, the policeman, and similar outlaws." - Bruce Sterling, preface to Mirrorshades

It depends what the matter in question is. My oldest has gotten her bottom paddled pretty good more than once.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

When he was 4, my son told his sister (8-9 at the time): "Tessa! Leave me alone! I'm ...a genius!!!"

Talk about having to quickly smother ALOL

2-year old, yesterday, getting into the pool

"Daddy, I wanna be a fish-man."
"Huh? Why?"
"So I can eat your face."

"Mom? What year were you born? Eighteen-what?"

Me: Christopher! Why did you bite your brother?!??!

Christopher (at 3 years old): I thought he was a sandwich.

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This one isn't funny, but it was so sweet it brought me to tears.

My oldest son at 5 years old was carrying a new roll of toilet paper into my bathroom.

Me: Jacob, did mommy tell you to replace the toilet paper?

Jacob: No. You guys have enough to do, and I need to learn how to be a daddy.

Hahaha, those are awesome, ya'll! Love 'em.
Lonedar, that last one was very sweet.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

"Oh Honey, you are so intelligent!"

"I'm not intelligent, I'm Norwegian!"

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

My mom used to help teach hearing impaired kids because she was very good at sign language. One year, they brought the entire class to a Christmas show that had the re-enactment of the life of Jesus. Halfway thru the show, one of the kids sitting next to my mom looks at her an signs, "This is boring. When does Jesus die?"

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"I Live, I Love, I Slay, and I Am Content."
- Conan the Barbarian

Me: "Did you clean your room, and poop scoop the back yard?"

Her: "No... I forgot. Can I have $40 dollars to go to the mall?"

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

You: "Forget it."

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Holy shitsnacks!

Me: "Hahahahahaha! You are hysterical! You can go to the mall if you clean your room, and scoop the poop in the back yard. You may have $20 if you seperate all of the laundry for your mother, you may have an additional $20 if you start a fresh load of laundry. By the way, what do want $40 dollars for anyway?"

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

Can I get 20 bucks for starting a fresh load of laundry for you? That takes like 10 min tops.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Well, seeing as how she's your kid and all ...

She wanted a fat eighth of mids from the guy at Hot Topic.

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Nah, she's a bright kid, and she doesn't care for Hot Topic. Also, she's industrious and entrepreneurial, like me. She's not involved with that stuff yet, but at some point she'll probably experiment, and when she does she'll probably wind up dealing. (And giving me chest pains in the process.)

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

This sounds exceedingly familiar for some reason...

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Watching Taylor cook spaghetti-Os...
Taylor: Mom, why don't you cook them for me, I don't have to learn how to cook, I'm going to be a physicist.
Me: Even scientists have to learn how to cook.

He finishes opening the can and dumps it over the pot and bangs on the bottom of the can, trying to get the stuff to come out. I hand him a spoon so he can scoop it out, but instead he uses the spoon to bang on the bottom of the can.

Laughing, I tell him to use the spoon as a scoop. He rolls his eyes and proclaims, rather condescendingly, "Mom, I'm using the NEWTON effect!" Duh! Hahahaha!

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

my wife asks the boy "what do you have on top of your head?" (right answer=house hair) his answer: "sweetness."

Her: "Can I have some money and a ride to the mall, I need some new jeans and there are some really cute boots I really want."

Me: "We talked about this last week when you got your report card. Remember the "D" in history, and how when I asked your teacher about it, she said it was because you didn't turn in your homework, got below average test scores, and spent the entire class talking to the boy next to you?"

Her: "I HATE you! I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY!!!"

Me: "Mmmhmmm... that's OK. I love you."

<ten minute interval>

Her: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I don't really hate you. Can I still have that money?"

Me: "Still would imply that I was ever going to give it to you in the first place. What do you have for homework this weekend?"

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

My nephew at 2 and a half was wearing a hoodie as a cape and was swinging a chopstick as a 'light saber' and making all the noises.

Parent: Wow, he's turning into such a baby geek

Kiddo, with a look of disgust: I'm not a baby geek, I'm a Jedi!

My wife and I were relaying a story about the time our daughter (five at the time) her best friends brother (three years older) kept bothering sneaking around the house and jumping out and trying to scare (and sometimes at least partially succeeding though she would never admit it). She finally got tired of it, and folled him to the kitchen, but waited outside the pocket door in the dark dining room and when he opened the door hse jumped out and surprised him, bad enough to bring tears and going to him mom and grandmother for comfort (both said sorry, but you had it coming).

Anyway, upon finishing the story she piped in (now eight), "Yep, I sent him crying to his mommy". (LOL... that's my girl. =)

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Gorse