The Glade 4.0

Damn, you guys are pretty serious about this toilet seat issue. Is it really that much of a hassle to put it down, or do you just like getting worked up about the whole "fairness" issue? Personally, I like having the seat down anyway, because it looks nicer that way and conveniently covers all the piss stains on the rim.

It really is a hassle. I like to limit the number of pointless things I have to do every day. We're talking day to day habits here, one small change adds up to a ton of effort.

Uh, just to be clear, my lights have nothing to do with toilet seats. They have everything to do with being able to get TO the toilet in the middle of the night without turning on room lights.

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"None is more important, none more legitimate, than that of rendering the people safe as they are the
ultimate guardians of their own liberty."- Thomas Jefferson

"Yeah, I'm rehearsing my poker face. I don't handle stupid well. *sigh*" - Farsky

No, it's not a hassle at all. That said, it's not a hassle to put it down if you're a woman either. It's not that I mind putting it down, but I certainly don't expect to hear about it if I neglect to do so.

I keep telling you... it IS a hassle for us, due to our narrower window of necessity in getting our asses on the seat. This is especially true for any women who has had children.

It's like sharing your car with a short woman... its easier for her to put the seat back to suit you then it is for you to cram yourself into a tiny seat and adjust it. And if she doesn't switch it back you whack your knees on the steering wheel. So the default setting of the seat in a shared car should be suited to the taller person (who has the more difficult adjustment and the more painful consequence of accidental failure) . And the default setting for the toilet seat should be to suit the person with the tinier bladder and shorter urethra whose tailbone will be whacked if she is in a hurry and forgets (also the more difficult adjustment and the more painful consequence of accidental failure).

Part of a successful partnership is willingness to compromise in the direction of the partner with the greater need, rather than stomping your foot and saying 'But I should HAVE to!'.

I never expect my seat to be positioned where I leave it, in either of my cars. And, I never expect it in my spots in her car/truck either.

Bottom line ( pun intended ) it is where it is.

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In time, this too shall pass.

Well short update on things. Those on my facebook probably already knows, but I've since broken up with the guy. Those issues I posted were just smaller part of a greater ice berg.

Thank you for all your very interesting discussion. If I ever decide to venture into such an arrangement again, I think I will be better equiped and have a better feel for the other side.

*huggles all* for an very eye opening discussion

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I'm not cool with it though. I'll put it down when they can't vote anymore or have to sign up for the draft. Fair is fair.

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"...the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

I do want to be treated equally... I think the draft should apply regardless of gender or not at all. But 'equal' doesn't mean 'same', and when there's a true physical disparity I think it needs to be recognized and dealt with (as with the driver seat issue, or some areas related to procreation).

Meh, it's about as much hassle as wiping your piss off the rim so it doesn't stain, I guess.

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

Ok.. There is NOT a univeral physical disparity between women and men that somehow makes it unquestionably the obligation of males to put the toilet seat down all the time.

A) Female clothing IS NOT that much harder to get off that the quarter second involved in knocking down a toilet seat will make you piss yourself
B) Urinary problems relating to childbirth or other reasonas ARE NOT unviersal to "any woman who has had children"
C) Most women DO NOT experience any problem in determining that they need to use the bathroom before the issue reaches critical mass.

Don't give me any crap about how I'm not a woman either; my wife has had 3 kids, and never says anything like this, nor have I heard it from my mother, my sister, or.. pretty much any other woman I;ve ever met, period. I've heard the toilet seat complaint, but never such lengths to justify it.

Yes, when one partner has a greater need, things should be more to their accomadation. However, the need to have the toilet seat down isn't that great, because of this wonderful thing called gravity, which will happliy lower it for you, with the application of a quick smack.

This is not a matter of anyone not wanting to put it back down, or being passive aggressive, or anything like that. Most men are happy to try to remember to put it back down if their partner cares.

However, barring very serious urinary problems, the fact is that it's a trivial issue at best, and making a big stink about it with signs, silent treatments, nagging, or telling your friends what an ******* your partner is, are obnoxious and indicative of a sense of entitlement at having every little detail of living arrangements your own way. Maybe in your personal case those issues are serious, but they don't generalize to the rest of the world.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Should be? Maybe. Although, if you climb into a car and bang your knee on a steering wheel because you didn't check it, you deserve to be laughed at (much like a woman that falls into the toilet because she didn't check - it may be insensitive, but it is hilarious).

So yeah, maybe that should be the default. However, once again - I would not expect said short person to have to hear about it if she forgets to put the seat back.



A bigger part is not sweating the small stuff. In other words, don't ***** about stuff. If he didn't put it down... /shrug.

Yeah, most women with incontinence issues don't really like to advertise that they piss themselves on occasion. There are probably a LOT of things they don't mention when men are around. And perhaps you just have a lucky family, or one that hasn't noticed. Doesn't mean it's not a common problem.


If it's so trivial (to you) why are YOU making such an issue about it? That's what I keep wondering... all the guys say 'It's not that big a deal, just put the seat down' but it's apparently a big deal for THEM to put the seat down.

It boils down to even distribution of effort. If, in general, men have to lift the toilet seat up, why should they also have to put the toilet seat back down?

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

And that explains why none of them have ever, oh I don't know, complained about the toilet seat? Yes, clearly every woman with a kid must have this problem!



None of us are making a big issue out of putting the seat down. However, since it's more convenient for you to believe that than it is to actually understand what I'm saying, I'll explain it one more time:

The big issue for me, and as far as I can tell for most guys is women making a big deal out of it. If you're waiting until you're about to piss yourself, that's your own fault, not any discourtesy on their part; and I'm not really buying that the time involved in putting that seat down is the critical element in peeing yourself or not peeing yourself. All you have to do is knock the damn thing over.

If you want to ask your partner nicely to try to remember to leave it down, go ahead. I certainly would if my wife ever exhibited even the slightest sign of giving a ****, but she doesn't so I don't worry about it. However, if she did, and I forgot, I certainly would not expect her to be engaging in such things as putting up signs, denying sex, silent treatments, or going and ***** to her friends about what an ******* I am. The thing to do if it's a big deal to you is a polite occasional reminder.

Is that so hard to understand? Or is the concept of not constantly nagging your partner over not having your every household whim catered to simply beyond you? Because that's what most of the guys are expressing here, and that's precisely the attitude that expecting the toilet seat to be down because you can't be bothered to stop on a 2 hour drive home from work (which was Lydiaa's reason) conveys: It's MY house because I'M THE WOMAN and if a guy doesn't do it MY way his a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE CHAUVENIST RARRR!!... but it's not passive aggressive at all for me to make a big stink out of it with my girlfriends, or put signs up.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Because you theoretically love the women in your household and don't want to get your *** kicked by the polizei? (this refers to a story I previously posted)

Know what's hard for me to understand? Why you decided to jump to personal attacks in this. Isn't that pretty much EXACTLY as useful and mature as " putting up signs, denying sex, silent treatments, or going and ***** to her friends"?


The best response to dunking ones *** in an un-seated toilet is 'ack, dammit!' and not passive aggressive bullshit.
The best response to 'ack, dammit!' is 'Oops, sorry' and not a tirade about why you should have to.

As opposed to simply proclaiming "Well, obviously the women in your life are just like me!" and completely ignoring what the other person is saying? I probably wouldn't be resorting to sarcastic methods if you showed the slightest sign of paying attention to what I (or, for that matter, most of the other men in this thread) are saying. You're also not my wife; you're someone on the internet and so no, I don't think acting sarcastic towards you is even in the same boat as if she were treating me that way, or I her.



No one said anyone should go into any tirades, nor that anyone shouldn't put the seat down. Keep insisting that's the issue though; I'm sure it will win you some sympathy somewhere.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Isn't that the amusing anecdote wherein you refuse to learn from experience, and it bites you in the *** (almost literally)?

But you're not addressing my point. There is some amount of work that needs to be done to ensure that the toilet seat is in proper position for the person using it. If we define the total amount of work as W, and there are two people available to perform the work, then shouldn't
W = 2x
and
1/2W = x?

Otherwise what you're looking for is special treatment. If someone demands special treatment, aren't they admitting they're not equal?

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Your math doesn't take into account that women make more trips to the bathroom than men, nor does it account for the fact that men occasionally sit. So if more than half the uses of the toilet are seat-down uses shouldn't seat-down be the default setting?

A woman checking and possibly adjusting the seat before every use (8 times a day) is being asked to do more than a man who is putting the seat down the seat after ever non-sitting use (3-4 times a day).

Sweet Baby Joseph Sayer! Are we still arguing about toilet seat up or down? In 29 years of marriage I've got my butt wet maybe three times due to the seat being up and those times were at night when I didn't want to turn the light on and wake him up since he had work in the morning! He has almost always put the seat down, I think because he lived with his mother for a couple years after his divorce (before I met him) and she was a stickler about a lot of things!

Respect for and consideration for each other are the most important things in a relationship...everything else is just gravy.

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

If you love us why make us put it down when we also need to put it up?

Seriously your argument can be used both ways and is designed to avoid talking sensibly about an issue because any issue can become "do it because you love me"?

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Mmmmm, gravy.

And I'm one of those Italians who have referred to the red stuff made from tomatoes that one would put over their pasta as gravy all my life. So I am not referring to the brown stuff one would pour over their mashed potatoes.

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.