The Glade 4.0

Oooooo...they can be so evil.

My ex is living in TX with my daughter and my son is here with me. I'm ok with this situation. My son wanted to come back here to live and my daughter seems to be happy. I miss her but I have my son. Things are good.

My son has a football game tonight a few counties over. On the trip over, he sends me a text telling me "mom called and said she has LSU tickets for me and wondered if you could take me to Baton Rogue". Immediately I'm like...you have got to be kidding me...she didn't run this by me. She didn't come to me first to see if I was available or even more importantly, could I afford to go. That's at least 300 bucks to go there and back. The stupid B just did this to make me look bad. I sent her a text asking why she did this. The only person this is really going to hurt is Chance. We do not have the money to just wing down to Baton Rouge for a football game. If I had the extra cash, I'd probably do it.

It is just very frustrating. I told her early on when we talked divorce that I would never use the kids to hurt her nor would I do things to intentionally screw them over or to make her look bad.

Damn this woman.

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

You made a smart move not using the kids to hurt her. That's what baseball bats are for. Out of curiousity, how big is your trunk?

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Are you sure she did it to try to make you look bad? Maybe she just wasn't thinking, hey I got tickets to the game I bet Chance would like to go. Maybe she didn't consider what it would cost you. Just a theory sometimes people just don't think, but you know her best maybe she was just trying to be a jerk.

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I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. - Hanlon's Razor

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

She knows exactly what she is doing, and this isn't our first rodeo with her.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

How old is Chance? Explain to him that things are tight and have him ask her to send bus fare, or even pay half of it yourself, it can't be more than $60 I would think. Pay half and there's nothing that can possibly make you look bad.

If he's over 15 that should be fine. Make sure he has a cell phone.

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In time, this too shall pass.

He will be 15 in November. He knows things are tight, and his mother is even more aware of exactly how tight they are....she supported Chance's move back up here but is refusing to help pay any of the legal fees to modify the custody agreement and she is continuing to receive child support for both kids even though she only has one of them. We've had quite a large amount of expenses related to this move for him (not complaining at all, SO glad he is here, it's an answered prayer), so until after the holidays, we are stretched as thin as we can get. She.Knows.This. In fact, we asked for half of the child support back to help pay for his expenses last month and she "deducted" made up expenses of her own so she wouldn't have to send it all to us. This month, we're not even bothering...just feeding our lawyer money until the paperwork is processed which should hopefully be soon.
There hasn't been a bus station anywhere within two hours of here for almost 10 years now, and even if there was, he would need to spend the night...no way to go to BR, attend a game, and ride back without getting some sleep.
I think the solution is to let Chance know that we're all for it and would be glad to take him to the game if his mom would wire him his child support money.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Sorry things are this way. You might consider letting him spend the night. Heck, it'll build character. Plus, his mom will probably balk and that makes her the bad guy.

One thing I do know...'cause I've been there...

When you talk about money around him (which you should avoid as much as possible, but situations like this make it unavoidable), always let him know that no matter how tough things get, no matter what the cost, no matter how things are divided, that he's worth all that and more.

It's not enough that he knows, you have to say it.

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In time, this too shall pass.

Put it on her. Tell her she needs to help cover the travel expenses if she'd like him to go to the football game.

NO!!!!!!

That's getting the child in the middle of a dispute between parents. SHE is doing this, YOU don't need to add to it.

You don't need to say more than, "that sounds like fun! We're talking to your mom to see how we can work it out. It'll cost a lot of money to send you, but we'll see if we can work it out."

While adding stress to a child is something to be avoided, don't you think there is value in discussing money and the limits thereof?

In general, yes, but this isn't a general situation.

"Kids, we can't go to Disneyland this year, times are tight" is just fine.
All the kids have skin in that game.

In this one, it's just Chance. In fact, if he did go, it's separating him from the other kids, so it's really important how it's presented. If he does go, and uses scarce money for just him, that needs to be explained to the entire family within the context of divorce and how he's part of both families. He's different that way, and this should be explained like "the family still needs to be supportive of each other, and that looks different in different circumstances", and specifics like money pretty much avoided.

Divorce requires someone to walk a tightrope and those someone's should be the adults. That, specifically, is why this X is such a *****. She wants what she wants and isn't taking Chance's family and the complications this causes into consideration. She should limit this kind of bonding offer to times she has custody.

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In time, this too shall pass.

I'm sorry, exes suck.

Sounds like "divorce" is what should be avoided We'll call that Plan A.

A woman that crazy as an ex is even worse as a wife. Divorce is the lesser evil.

Lord Doom will break knees, in person, for a modest fee. Lord Doom will breaks knees, with Doombots, for free.

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You're the bestest.


Unfortunately, our love for the children dictates that we be nice to the mother, even when she is heinous to us. (I seriously had to restrain myself from posting a two page rant listing all the awful things she has done related to money and the kids, including using her dead baby to get football tickets after she had a miscarriage and then laughing about it, or gleefully proclaiming that she "made a profit" off the gifts from said baby's funeral while he still has no headstone....I could list at least 17 things off the top of my head that would make you cringe, but I'll spare you. You're welcome.)

I'm praying for her to fall in love with a man who has kids who has an evil ex-wife so she can experience this from the other side.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Pray for her to fall in love with a kind and generous man who teaches her to be a better person. Vengeance doesn't suit you.

Ha! No, it doesn't, but I guess I should have expounded on that....by experiencing things from the other side, surely that would make someone think twice before treating someone else like that...I know that I, for one, have become much more accomodating and patient and understanding and thoughtful of my son's father since I married NF and have had to deal with his ex and the way she treats us and our relationship with the kids.
I wasn't meaning so much that I was hoping she would suffer, (maybe just a teeny weeny bit), but that she would get a taste of her own medicine and decide to be more thoughtful of others and less selfish.

One can dream...

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

Actually I would be very happy with this and have told her on a few occasions.

She and I screwed up the kids lives enough by not having a good relationship and not giving enough of a crap to do what it would take to make it work. All I want is for us to get along and do what is in the best interest of the kids. I can honestly say that for my part, I've done that for the most part. I wish I could say that same for her. Her desire to get out of Columbus and to be the poor victim who was treated so wrongly by her horrible ex has not done me, her, the kids any favors.

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"It is true that democracy undermines freedom when voters believe they can live off of others' productivity, when they modify the commandment: 'Thou shalt not steal, except by majority vote.' The politics of plunder is no doubt destructive of both morality and the division of labor."

Sadly, many people don't become more aware of the difficulties they cause others when forced to endure their own difficulties. Somehow they manage to act vindictive towards one person while complaining about the vindictive behaviour of another without recognizing the incongruity.

She should fall in love with a man who doesn't want kids in his life. B would be shipped back to you quickly.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones