The Glade 4.0

I hate my life and everything internal about myself; I need to find a direction and go with it. If I do not improve myself soon, I will need a medication solution and it may already be too late for that. My swings of depression self loathing seem to be getting worse.

I am continuously peering into the mirror and I do not see my own reflection, I see something I cannot stand. I go to bed each night hoping that I do not wake up in the morning. I see everyone around me and I envy what I perceive others as having that I wish I had. I cannot keep going on this way. I can barely control my anger and rage, feeling absolute disgust with a lot of people for no reason other than they are not miserable like I am.

I read things that should not bother me and I wish I could do harm to the person who wrote it.

I am not being the best person I should be to my SO and kids. I am failing them: my daughter hates me, my SO barely tolerates me, the other two children tolerate me at best. I am essentially nothing more useful than an extra source of income right now (my words, not theirs). It is even getting to the point where the times my SO and I have "quality time" are fewer and more infrequent because of my depression and mood.

I will be peeking in every now and then, but I need to get my head straight before I have a psychotic episode (nothing board related), so I am going to take a small hiatus.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Take your Glade time and get some exercise, even walking helps. Get out in the sun and move. Try switching your music listening around to something softer and less violence referent for a while. Good luck, we'll miss you but you are more important than a few comments here and there.

Take care, and heal well and quickly.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

Take care of yourself, bro. You are well worth the improvements you are trying to make to your state of mind. We will miss you, and will be here when you return.

You will be in my prayers.

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Ezekiel 23:19-20 

Do what you need to do, bro, and don't be afraid to ask for help. I hope and pray all goes well for you, and we see you back and feeling better soon!

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

Take care of yourself darksiege! You will be in my thoughts.

/hugs

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

Good luck, man. It looks like you've take a good first step. Take good care of your SO, you'll need that partnership.

Take care of yourself DS, and do what you need to do. Hope to see you back here in the near future.

Edited the DE to DS, sorry for the typo!

Good luck, man. Hope you can come back as Brightsiege instead. Take your time, we'll be here.

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This cold and dark tormented hell
Is all I`ll ever know
So when you get to heaven
May the devil be the judge

**** A man. HTFU, Rub some dirt on it and get back in the **** game.

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Holy shitsnacks!

*hugs*

Peace, DS

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"Dress cops up as soldiers, give them military equipment, train them in military tactics, tell them they’re fighting a ‘war,’ and the consequences are predictable." —Radley Balko

*huggleboos* man. Take care be well.

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"...but there exists also in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom." - De Tocqueville

Psst.. it's DS, not DE.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

You have my support sir. May the winds of fortune be at your back.

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Hokanu
Duty is a magnificent blessing because it is the sign of trust from the universe.
END OF LINE.

Update:

About one week in and I think I just got dumped...

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

:hugs:

Things won't change overnight...they're going to take time. I'm sorry you're losing your relationship, ds. Try to keep working on what you need to work on anyway and don't let this set you back.
We're here to support you if you want to come back from your hiatus so you have some peeps to talk to while you're lonely and to help cheer you on when you're feeling discouraged.

I've been through periods in my life like what you have described so far, and I can assure you that it's only temporary and you can work through it. Getting dumped sucks and it hurts and it's super discouraging, but you will get through this and be happy again...just don't lose your focus on your ultimate goal of getting your sea legs and being happy again.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

I was talking to my son who just got dumped for the nth time and he asked me what someone can do to prevent that.

After asking him what value he would give to love advice from someone who's been married 3 times, he told me that as many times as I've been around the block, I must have learned something...

After a moment I told him the entirety of my knowledge on the subject:

If you want to be loved, be lovable.

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In time, this too shall pass.

So... I am dumped but not dumped...

She says this has to do with the fact that it just feels like something is missing, we are good room mates and friends, but just not awesome as a couple.

But she does not want us to separate because she cannot afford to be on her own anymore. The ******* in me wants to tell her to choose one or the other and deal with it... the idiot in me is letting her have her way.

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Darksiege
Traveller, Calé, Whisperer
Lead me not into temptation; for I know a shortcut

Ugh, been there man. Save yourself the heartache and kick her out now before she starts dating other people.

*edit* Oh and there is no sort of about it, you are dumped.

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Hop is right, ds. Love is a choice....she may be missing some emotions in the relationship, but hey that's life, not Hollywood. She either loves you unconditionally or she doesn't...and she needs to pick one. It doesn't get to be "I don't want to be with you anymore because I'm not feeling warm fuzzies and heart skipping like in the movies but I still need you to be my meal ticket so I'm sticking around."
Kick her *** out, but make sure she has a place to go and a plan before you help her carry her crap out of the door.

Don't let yourself be used like that. *hugs*

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

I've been there. Not to make your troubles worse but this is usually code for "I'm cheating on you"

I'm sorry. I've been there. its an awful feeling.

+1

If she has not done it yet, she is making plans to do so...either daydreaming about it or already has a guy waiting in the wings. It's a very short step from what she said to actually beginning to "see" someone else.

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"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Jesus of Nazareth

+2

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Im sorry DS . I wish you didn't have to go through this. It's very unfair of her to say she wants to stay together because she can't afford to live alone...I don't get that at all. She can justify living off of your income and not consider you a couple? That's pretty damn selfish...get out now before things get worse.

Hugs

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Dream as if you'll live forever...
...Live as if you'll die tomorrow

Vivere Senza Rimpianti

Sorry you got all this crap to deal with.

Get her out. Don't let her stay. It may not be the easiest decision, but most life decisions are never that.

All the best, and remember to take care of yourself first. Get well Dude!

/brohugs

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This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.