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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:31 pm 
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Taamar wrote:
Fraud can include dishonesty about ones past (sexual history, crime, illness, drug use), demonstrated lack of intent to remain faithful, or a secondary relationship that was never terminated. So... a druggie former prostitute who hadn't/couldn't break of with her ex and kept sleeping around and lying, married at a time when you were still bereaved. I'm pretty sure a case can be made for anullment. It's cheaper than divorce and means she can never have any legal claim on you.

Doesn't apply, since 1) he was aware of the history prior to getting married, and/or 2) got back together with her after the history was disclosed, which in court would equate to accepting the past and can't be used, either for divorce or annulment.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:37 pm 
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I second everything that Tamaar, Arafys, and Lydiaa have said.

I don't have anything meaningful to contribute as far as advice goes, but I just want to let you know that you seem like someone who has had a lot of bad things and deserves to be happy and to be treated well.
I hope and pray that all of this works out for you, and that you find a healthy way to deal with your grief/anger/lonliness.

*hugs*

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:14 pm 
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Screeling wrote:
Out of curiosity, did you have any male friends trying to knock sense into you? We're all weak at some point or another. I'm thankful that God and friends have given me clarity at various times to see reason.


No it was mostly my female friends but again we got married on the sly so no one had a chance to really talk me of it since no one knew what we were up to.

Update: I spoke with "Serina" today and her ex has apparently done most of the research for us. We are going to file for an annulment on the grounds that her anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic medications which she began taking at the start of our relationship "altered" her state of mind and that once she stopped taking them she became "normal" again and promptly moved out and hooked up with him again.

Bad news on that front though, an annulment takes about 6 months to process. Now based on the fact that she is knowingly putting herself in high-risk/dangerous situations I am worried she is going to end up raped and dead in a dumpster and I will be stuck with her debts from her drug use because of the damn backlog the courts have.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:44 pm 
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Sometimes you have to let the wounded bird fly away when its wings heal. And if it fails to do so, you know you did all you could to heal it.

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Last edited by Khross on Fri Dec 04, 2009 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 3:30 pm 
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Hopwin wrote:
Update: I spoke with "Serina" today and her ex has apparently done most of the research for us. We are going to file for an annulment on the grounds that her anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic medications which she began taking at the start of our relationship "altered" her state of mind and that once she stopped taking them she became "normal" again and promptly moved out and hooked up with him again.

I hate to be Mr. Negativity, but I don't think that argument will work in the manner in which you expect, and going this route will likely only extend the timer period until you are no longer married. Namely, you were aware of the issues, aware she was taking medicine to combat the issues and in agreeing to marry her, agreed to deal with the issues. Her "mental state" was a voluntary condition in which you had full knowledge, and presumably due to the specifics you outlined, support. Assuming the medications were prescribed, you have a potential problem with how the doctor would testify, which I doubt would go your way... ie the "normal" state (not her, but general normal) is the medicated state, so she was only making sane decisions while undergoing treatment.

I know you said you couldn't afford an attorney, but paying to get some legal advice (couple hours at most) will more than likely save you a ton of money/time/aggravation/stress. I would recommend at least speaking with one about the options and situation


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:24 am 
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I think you can't afford not to talk to an attorney. Yes, it's expensive. Yes, you're hard-up for cash. You're also trying to end a marriage with a psychotic stripper/ex(?)-prostitute. You have not yet weathered the shitstorm of crazy. Expect her to try to **** you over again. She's too crazy to just let you go. Get legal advice from a professional. Do not screw around with this.

She may be telling you that the two of you can file for a divorce or an annulment and go your separate ways. Why do you believe her after the **** she's pulled? Crazy *****! Hello?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:44 am 
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Corolinth wrote:
I think you can't afford not to talk to an attorney. Yes, it's expensive. Yes, you're hard-up for cash. You're also trying to end a marriage with a psychotic stripper/ex(?)-prostitute. You have not yet weathered the shitstorm of crazy. Expect her to try to **** you over again. She's too crazy to just let you go. Get legal advice from a professional. Do not screw around with this.

She may be telling you that the two of you can file for a divorce or an annulment and go your separate ways. Why do you believe her after the **** she's pulled? Crazy *****! Hello?


After talking with the clerk of courts today I think you guys are right. Having an attorney file is just going to drag this out further unfortunately but it will most likely be necessary.

/edit:
Also I am drunk and need recommendations on how to handle future relationships on how to address the fact that I am going to be married for another six-months. When/how do I broach the subject?

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Last edited by Hopwin on Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 3:17 am 
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Can't help you there. I haven't had a serious relationship since my wife died almost seven years ago. Just one piece of advice, consider the source when listening to relationship advice.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:01 pm 
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Hop, 6 months sounds like the perfect length of time to take a break from women and get your head together.
Focus on hobbies, friends, pets. (Maybe time to get one if you don't already have one.) And definitely rearrange your furniture and buy new bedding. Move pictures, get some new posters, etc. This will help cement that she is gone and give you a chance to enjoy having your own space.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:13 pm 
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Burn everything that reminds you of her. Don't give it away, don't donate it, burn it.

There's something cleansing about the who process. You'll get your sanity back, faster. I hope. Don't do drugs. Do them once you get your head back.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:35 pm 
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LadyKate wrote:
Hop, 6 months sounds like the perfect length of time to take a break from women and get your head together.


Best. Advice. Ever.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:07 am 
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LadyKate wrote:
Hop, 6 months sounds like the perfect length of time to take a break from women and get your head together.
Focus on hobbies, friends, pets.

I was going to say exactly this.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:42 am 
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Hopwin wrote:
Also can anyone explain to me why she won't just leave me alone??


Because you are a nice guy, and answers the phone when she's upset, needs a hug (metaphorically), etc.

It's literally nothing more than the path of least resistance.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:36 pm 
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Hopwin wrote:

At this point we both agree a dissolution is best which is where we both just walk away with no awards to either party. We retain the same propery, assets, etc. that we had coming in.


Make sure this happens and run, don't walk, far far away. Don't offer any help other than what you have to provide to make sure the top thing happens. You need to get this person out of your life. Just my 2cp.

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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:02 pm 
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Aizle wrote:
Hopwin wrote:
Also can anyone explain to me why she won't just leave me alone??


Because you are a nice guy, and answers the phone when she's upset, needs a hug (metaphorically), etc.

It's literally nothing more than the path of least resistance.


When she calls I am not nice and wholly unsympathetic to her **** up life choices.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:13 pm 
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Hopwin wrote:
Aizle wrote:
Hopwin wrote:
Also can anyone explain to me why she won't just leave me alone??


Because you are a nice guy, and answers the phone when she's upset, needs a hug (metaphorically), etc.

It's literally nothing more than the path of least resistance.


When she calls I am not nice and wholly unsympathetic to her **** up life choices.


Maybe she's a closet masochist.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:38 pm 
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She went back to her old abusive bf, thats pretty much a given.

Regardless of how unsympathetic you are to her Hop, you pick up the phone and is a voice to talk to. Some girls are desperate for emotions, even negative ones.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:48 pm 
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You helped her out once. Even though you aren't real fond of her now, the general routine is that if she stays in contact you will remain someone who can rescue her again if things get tough.

Let her know in no uncertain terms, EACH TIME SHE CALLS, that you are just looking forward to moving on with your life and want to put her and the bad experience that was the relationship behind you.

You might want to wait until after the dissolution before you get to the screw you, never call me again! part.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:12 pm 
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Get things final and move. Hell, people are leaving Michigan at a pretty good clip. You could find a house up here pretty damn cheap.

Either way, get as far away from this leach as you can once all the ties are cut. She will try to latch on again.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:23 pm 
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Introduce her to the concept of the restraining order after the dissolution is final.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 8:10 am 
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The papers are filed. Due to their backlog I won't hear from the courts for 30-45 days and if a hearing needs to be conducted it won't be for at least 90 days.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 8:32 am 
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At least it's a step in the right direction. Good luck, Hopwin.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:24 am 
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Run. Run like hell. Run like hell and hide as a dock worker. Ok, that last bit is bad advice. However, the first bit isn't. Get the *hell* out of this mess.

I'm shouting this like Chewie in the garbage smasher. Pipe braced against the walls isn't gonna cut it. You need a droid, and he needs to be able to get your **** out of there, and pronto.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:14 am 
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Monte wrote:
Run like hell and hide as a dock worker. Ok, that last bit is bad advice.


Maybe not: Top 10 Overpaid Jobs in the US

Quote:
In early 2002, West Coast ports shut down as the longshoremen's union fought to preserve generous health-care benefits that would make most Americans drool. The union didn't demand much in wage hikes for good reason: Its members already were making a boatload of money.

Next year, West Coast dockworkers will earn an average of $112,000 for handling cargo, according to the Pacific Maritime Association, their employer. Office clerks who log shipping records into computers will earn $136,000. And unionized foremen who oversee the rank-and-file will pull down an average $177,000.

Unlike their East Coast union brethren who compete with non-union ports in the South and Gulf of Mexico, the West Coast stevedores have an ironfisted lock on Pacific ports. Given their rare monopoly, they can disrupt U.S. commerce -- as they did during the FDR years -- and command exorbitant wages, even though their work is more automated and less hazardous than in the days of "On the Waterfront."

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones


Last edited by Rafael on Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:21 am 
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Rafael wrote:
Next year, West Coast dockworkers will earn an average of $112,000 for handling cargo, according to the Pacific Maritime Association, their employer. Office clerks who log shipping records into computers will earn $136,000. And unionized foremen who oversee the rank-and-file will pull down an average $177,000.


What's the cost of living out there?

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