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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:31 am 
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WASHINGTON, DC – Sources confirmed today that hundreds of thousands of military absentee ballots were delivered hours after the deadline for them to be counted, with preliminary counts showing that they would have overturned the vote in several states and brought a victory for Governor Mitt Romney.
Officials say the ballots were delivered late due to problems within the military mail system. Tracking invoices show the ballots sat in a warehouse for a month, then they were accidentally labeled as ammunition and shipped to Afghanistan. At Camp Dwyer, Marine Sergeant John Davis signed for them and was surprised at the contents.
“I told Gunny we got a bunch of ballots instead of ammo,” Davis told investigators earlier today. “He told me to file a report of improper delivery and that the chain of command would take care of it. We didn’t hear anything for three weeks. While we were waiting we came under fire so we dumped a bunch of them in the Hescoes. We didn’t dig those ones back out.”
After military officials realized the initial error, the ballots were then sent back to the U.S. but suffered a series of setbacks.
Twelve boxes of ballots were dropped overboard during delivery to the USS Kearsarge (LHD-3) in the Persian Gulf, then while the ship sailed to Bahrain, postal clerks allegedly pocketed whatever ballots they wanted.
The remaining absentee ballots were loaded onto a C-130, but the flight was delayed until November 1st so the crew could get tax free pay for the month. Once the ballots arrived stateside they were promptly mailed to each state’s counting facility, reaching their final destination on November 7th.
“It’s a shame,” Rear Admiral John Dawes said when asked for comment. “I expected a delay so I ordered that everyone cast their votes eight months ago. It’s really unfortunate that our mail system failed us and directly affected the course of history.”
Upon hearing the news, angry Republicans have begun a demand for a recount, but most military absentee voters have shrugged off the news, with many wondering whether the care packages their families sent six months ago were ever going to show up.


Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/11/milit ... z2BdbcnNWY
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http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/11/military-absentee-ballots-delivered-one-day-late-would-have-swung-election-for-romney/

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:40 am 
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What the...? Holy crap. That seems huge if true.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:42 am 
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That's a blog.

I'm not saying it isn't true, but "sources say" doesn't work for me, especially on a blog.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:46 am 
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It's all part of our leftist plot to take over the last free country in the world.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:59 am 
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I call bullshit on this blog post. Hundreds of thousands were delivered late AFTER they dumped a bunch in hesco bastions and a bunch more overboard? They need to show me some math on that. A screwup is quite possible, but The numbers seem wildly unrealistic.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:29 am 
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I suspect the numbers are off; I won't discount the validity of the general claim -- military absentee ballots were lost/delayed/misplaced/not counted ... (the outcome speculation is pointless balderdash).

Obama didn't carry the military vote, despite the media's and Democratic Party's claims otherwise. Anyone who knows even one soldier in any branch knows this ...

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:02 am 
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He's Commander in Chief. They're not allowed to say bad things about him.

And that's all the military has to say about Obama!

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:25 am 
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The hesco bastion thing and the overboard thing are pretty suspect, too. Hesco bastions are big cardboard and wire frames you fill with sand and dirt to make barriers, and you do it eith bulldozers and front-end loaders. Dumping ballots in would make no sense at all. Theres no shortage of dirt in a combat area. Furthermore, its not like mail of any kind can just be disposed of cavalierly. Mail in the military can only be handled by certified handlers and must be secure. You can't just run and grab it, under fire or not. As for stuff going overboard, I can only imagine that the navy takes a serious view of anything going overboard, especially mail.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:30 am 
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Lol...you sleuths disappoint me.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:49 am 
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The DuffleBlog wrote:
The Duffel Blog serves the men and women of the US Military with a daily dose of military humor, funny military pictures, and faux news. We take an interesting and funny look at military life. We focus on veterans, military stories, defense, politics (sometimes) and life on base — with a comedic twist. We are in no way, shape, or form, a real news outlet. Just about everything on this website is satirical in nature.


http://www.duffelblog.com/about/


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:45 pm 
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Location: The battlefield. As always.
Duffleblog is the Onion for the military.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:20 pm 
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I call shenanigans on anyone claiming they thought this site was a real news site. Other headlines on their homepage:

Study: Random, Pointless Formations Tied To Increase In Combat Performance, Morale

2012 Best Sick Call Ranger Competition Winner Announced

Congressman Horrified To Learn Soldiers Issued Green Fleece Caps

Army Replaces Defective Radios With Carrier Pigeons, Smoke Signals

Poll: Joseph Kony Currently Leads U.S. Presidential Race

Commander Relieved For Violating Entire UCMJ (including a picture of "Col. Mitchel Grant" wearing a Hannibal Lector style mask)

Grizzly Bear Wanders Into Unlocked Recruiting Office Joins Navy

Confused WWII Veterans Demand To Know Why Rommel On Presidential Ballot


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:49 pm 
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Satire requires some modicum of truth.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:47 pm 
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I didn't even bother clicking the link to the site after reading the article.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:50 pm 
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It doesn't sound like an "onion" article. The satire is missing. It's not clear what it's making fun of. It's just a made up story.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:51 pm 
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If you've ever been in the military, its definitely like The Onion.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:50 pm 
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Satirewire was always better than The Onion, anyway.

North Korea Warns Missiles Can Reach U.S. In 2 Days Via UPS

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Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves, Scheherezade had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves you got a brand of magic never fails...
...Mister Aladdin, sir, What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, Jot it down -You ain't never had a friend like me

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 10:25 am 
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I think not noticing the satire has more to do with people only reading headlines and not the actual article. I know I didn't read it.

And Taly, thanks for turning me on to Satirewire a few years ago. This is one of my favorites still: AMERICANS OUTRAGED THAT
CORPORATIONS CHEAT JUST LIKE THEY DO


The way their current site is set up isn't very helpful though. I had to go here just to find what I was looking for.


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