The Glade 4.0

I was reading Encyclopedia Dramatica, doing some research, when I came across a strange observation. Despite the efforts of society to clean up the Internet and turn it into a respectable place, the one great truth of life is that all people eventually stumble across the Power 5. Someday, every living human being witnesses a gaping anus spread across a computer screen.

This includes my brother's children, and indeed even my own children who I have not yet conceived. It is a sobering fact of life, and yet, one of our own making. For how were we to know fifteen years ago that our children would one day bear witness to tubgirl? Such is the price that must be paid for the owning of n00bs.

Yet, it is a price that I pay gladly. A lurking malice such as lemonparty encourages survival instincts that do not otherwise develop for a species with no natural predators. Just as parents of past generations taught their children the dangers of the forest, and the wild animals that lay within, so to do we now have a responsibility to educate our children about the dangers of the wild reaches of the Internet. Children are an abundant source of lulz, and lacking knowledge of history, they are defenseless. Yes Virginia! There is a Santa Claus, and you can visit him at www.goatse.cx.

Such is the world that we have left for future generations.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

That which is opened cannot be closed, and that man's gaping anus has unleashed untold evils upon the world. But somewhere, deep down, remains hope.

No, there isn't. The Internet is a horrible place, everyone should be discouraged from visiting, and if there was any way to go back in time and kill Alan Turing, Nikola Tesla, Edsger Dijkstra, Bob Metcalfe, Don Knuth, Vint Cerf, etc., I would.

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You would take advantage of a futuristic technology that has not been invented to go back and destroy for the most part good men, good scientists, and in some areas revered heroes because their works led to something you perceive as evil? You would commit one evil in an attempt to stall or destroy another?

You would return to a world with a different list of names that you would need to go back and kill. On and on the cycle would repeat itself until you looped back to find your killer waiting for you.

The Internet, like all tools, is not evil, though it may be put to evil uses.

Deal with it.

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The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself. B. Franklin

"A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone." -- Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones

For every gaping *******, there's a funny meme. For every scat porn there's a feel-good youtube video. For every lemon party, there's a tumblr dedicated to british tits.

You take the good with the bad.

Obligatory, I suppose:

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Sail forth! steer for the deep waters only!
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me;
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

Titish? Brits?

Unfortunately, there isn't at this time. Instead, you have a responsibility as a father to explain to your children what lulz are, why people want them, and how those people will use your children to acquire them.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

**** yeah
british boobs

dot tumblr dot com

The internet can offer far greater horrors than any video game or movie or book or gun.

Most people by now know of the "2 girls 1 cup" video, and all the video reactions to said video.

What many people might not know is that there are actually reaction videos to a far far more vile and disturbing video that I had the misfortune of seeing.

Oh, 2 girls 1 cup is nothing. Most people have no idea what you can find online.

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only porn.

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"Hysterical children shrieking about right-wing anything need to go sit in the corner and be quiet while the adults are talking."

WAAAAGH!!! PORN FOR THE PORN GOD!!!

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Holy shitsnacks!

SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE!!!

I thought it went without saying, but perhaps I should mention it again. I have in the past operated a number of constituent pieces of the Internet, and currently control (although not single-handedly) another one.

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In other word, you are party to the decline of moral society in America. You've let godless liberals run rampant on the internet, forcing smut into our homes, and you didn't lift a finger to stop it.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

Forcing? African-American, if you would be so kind.

I invited that **** in.

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Holy shitsnacks!

How apropos, considering the connection this topic has to fecal matter.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

The money's good.

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You guys are talking about Pain Olympics: Hatchet vs Genitals, aren't you?

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Go back to zero, take a pill, and get well ~ Lemmy Kilmister

I wasn't gonna go straight to that... I was thinking of mentioning Tub Girl or 1 Guy 1 Jar first.

But really, almost anything tagged nsfw on LiveLeaks can **** up your day.

I don't see how tubgirl is substantially worse than 2 girls 1 cup. They're kind of in the same ballpark. One is a still, and one is a motion picture. Instead of fine dining, she's having a shower.

I'll give you 1 guy 1 jar, because that just comes out of nowhere and ambushes you. It starts off bad, and then gets worse.

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Buckle your pants or they might fall down.

I don't even want to know what you all are talking about.

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"Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use one!"~ Matthew Quigley

"nothing like a little meow in bed at night" ~ Bruskey

"I gotta float my stick same as you" Hondo Lane

"Fill your hand you son of a *****!"

Neither do I.

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Grenade 3 Sports Drink. It's fire in the hole.. Your hole!

In 1997 I once said that the Internet simultaneously the greatest and worst achievement of humankind. I think I still put weight behind that.

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Les Zombis et les Loups-Garous!

I would go so far as to say that anything that reveals more about human nature will always be the best and worst achievement of mankind has created since human nature is both the best and worst aspect of man.

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"It's real, grew up in trife life, the times of white lines
The hype vice, murderous nighttimes and knife fights invite crimes" - Nasir Jones